T
TotallyIsolated
Mage
- Nov 25, 2019
- 590
I can't cope on my own. I dont want to go through life like this. Its clear to me that its not going to get better. I need more help than anyone could reasonably give. I feel like I've tried really hard to get better but I'm still lonely and broken.
I have tried to CTB but I never got very far. I'm too scared. When I tried standing on the railing of a bridge, even though my heart was racing I felt a sort of angry, resigned calm. I KNEW I wasnt going to jump. I was angry at myself for making a scene.
I suppose picking a date would help, but are there other things I can do to prepare myself? Not just getting my affairs in order, but being able to push past SI in the moment.
I still have some SN from the last time I didn't go through with it. I thought about partial suspension also. I dont care if its painful, I just want something lethal that doesn't allow me to get cold feet and run away like I've always done before.
Also I'm still on meds and in therapy. I still see my therapist regularly because hes basically the only person who really caresw about me. I try not to tell him too much about actual plans. I'm taking venlafaxine, 300mg. Discontinuing would be really rough, but if it would make it easier to get past my fears then I'd suffer through it.
Any advice you have would be great, thank you.
I have tried to CTB but I never got very far. I'm too scared. When I tried standing on the railing of a bridge, even though my heart was racing I felt a sort of angry, resigned calm. I KNEW I wasnt going to jump. I was angry at myself for making a scene.
I suppose picking a date would help, but are there other things I can do to prepare myself? Not just getting my affairs in order, but being able to push past SI in the moment.
I still have some SN from the last time I didn't go through with it. I thought about partial suspension also. I dont care if its painful, I just want something lethal that doesn't allow me to get cold feet and run away like I've always done before.
Also I'm still on meds and in therapy. I still see my therapist regularly because hes basically the only person who really caresw about me. I try not to tell him too much about actual plans. I'm taking venlafaxine, 300mg. Discontinuing would be really rough, but if it would make it easier to get past my fears then I'd suffer through it.
Any advice you have would be great, thank you.
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