A
Anonymous1997ES
Member
- Jul 30, 2021
- 82
Note: I understand that people don't owe me anything, and they have the right of not forgiving me or wanting to move on despite everything, as that is a fitting punishment for me.
Something that I've struggled to accept are the consequences of being depressed... About how I abandoned some friends by drifting away from them, by not talking to them or going to visit them, even if I was feeling bad, that wasn't an excuse, as I still talked to some close friends despite everything, why couldn't I do it towards more people?!
I think... I may have waited too long, or didn't talk when I needed to do it until it was too late, or said the wrong thing to while trying to fix things...
Managed to get enough strength to apologize to those I disappointed/failed, and once again I know they don't have to forgive me if they don't want to but... How could I get enough strength to accept reality and move on?
While there are some people I truly want to regain our bond again... I find it difficult, because they're either friends with people I don't get along with, or my annoying way of being probably pissed them off or made them uncomfortable so they decided to put boundaries and I have to respect that if I ever truly was their friend...
I'm about to graduate from college in a year... And aside from an old friend from there I ended up reconnecting from a failed career, I'm not truly close to anyone in my current college career beyond being classmates/acquaintances, and ended up losing two friends there in a very horrible way that nearly tore me apart, and now we're enemies...
It's true that it might not be my fault or they made decisions based on something else but... How am I supposed to become a good psychologist if I can't even understand my own emotions, and I only have one more year to sort everything up? I don't want to be useless or fail my family, what good would've been studying a career if I can't even work properly there?
I don't know how to socialize, and I'm dreading to return back to normal classes, as I would probably end up embarrasing myself by my poor social skills and social awkwardness...
Honestly I'm lucky to still have friends left, and while I'm happy we're still together, I think I should've at least told some people that I wasn't feeling good as a minimum token of consideration... Why was I so cowardly and selfish?! Guess that's why I've lost at least 95% of the bonds I had with people I used to call friends... I may be just too childish, immature and annoying...
Don't want to offend anyone but, I would trade the "intelligence" many people older than me have told me I own in my life in exchange for proper social skills and emotional intelligence/maturity...
Something that I've struggled to accept are the consequences of being depressed... About how I abandoned some friends by drifting away from them, by not talking to them or going to visit them, even if I was feeling bad, that wasn't an excuse, as I still talked to some close friends despite everything, why couldn't I do it towards more people?!
I think... I may have waited too long, or didn't talk when I needed to do it until it was too late, or said the wrong thing to while trying to fix things...
Managed to get enough strength to apologize to those I disappointed/failed, and once again I know they don't have to forgive me if they don't want to but... How could I get enough strength to accept reality and move on?
While there are some people I truly want to regain our bond again... I find it difficult, because they're either friends with people I don't get along with, or my annoying way of being probably pissed them off or made them uncomfortable so they decided to put boundaries and I have to respect that if I ever truly was their friend...
I'm about to graduate from college in a year... And aside from an old friend from there I ended up reconnecting from a failed career, I'm not truly close to anyone in my current college career beyond being classmates/acquaintances, and ended up losing two friends there in a very horrible way that nearly tore me apart, and now we're enemies...
It's true that it might not be my fault or they made decisions based on something else but... How am I supposed to become a good psychologist if I can't even understand my own emotions, and I only have one more year to sort everything up? I don't want to be useless or fail my family, what good would've been studying a career if I can't even work properly there?
I don't know how to socialize, and I'm dreading to return back to normal classes, as I would probably end up embarrasing myself by my poor social skills and social awkwardness...
Honestly I'm lucky to still have friends left, and while I'm happy we're still together, I think I should've at least told some people that I wasn't feeling good as a minimum token of consideration... Why was I so cowardly and selfish?! Guess that's why I've lost at least 95% of the bonds I had with people I used to call friends... I may be just too childish, immature and annoying...
Don't want to offend anyone but, I would trade the "intelligence" many people older than me have told me I own in my life in exchange for proper social skills and emotional intelligence/maturity...
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