The difference between life with and without a romantic relationship is like night and day. Mine was long distance too and we only got to meet in person for a very short time. It's been three years since I've talked to her and I don't feel the least bit better. I regret everything and wish I could start over but I can't.
I also only got the relationship as a fluke and am too ugly, short and autistic to ever have another relationship. Swipe apps are all appearance based and every meet up or group i go to is way older people and mostly men.
I don't care about my passions and hobbies anymore, all I want is a girlfriend but I'll never have one again. But killing myself would destroy my parents. I wish they just understood how CTB is the right choice for me. I would be less embarrassed to have a dead son than a 28 year old virgin who has no ambition and hates life. I have almost no interest in platonic relationships anymore either
I'm posting in recovery because I'm looking to be -genuinely- convinced I'm wrong, and shouldn't do it. I don't want to leave without trying everything. Despite this i already have everything planned out and a deadline set. Please let me know if I am breaking the rules.
The fact that's hardest to argue with is that I won't be around to process my family's reactions or anything at all after death and so I wouldn't have to worry about it after.
That's also what makes wanting to stay alive challenging because dreamless eternal sleep sounds better than life as 28, 29, 30 year old virgin with no one to hold at night after a bad day.
I feel so much anhedonia even when doing hobbies I used to love. I used to draw and have lost my ability. I can't lift as much as I used to because I don't have enough energy. I can't bring myself to play guitar because my music will never be finished because I'm too scared to record vocals.
Anyone who has experienced The suicide death of another who did have hope they just didn't see, please share if you are comfortable.
If this isn't appropriate for recovery please move it to another section if possible. I really want to hear what people have to say. I'm totally ready to die internally but squeamish about the emotional pain I will inflict; and the panic of searching for my body, and the disappointment and despair when I'm found gone. I can't leave a note because it would make it easier to find me in time but everyone knows why I want to ctb anyways. They just think my romantic luck will change because they're from another era before dating apps when I know it won't and haven't found a way to cope with that and probably never will.
Anyone who's ever had to identify a loved one's body would be welcome too. I also want to hear from people who lost others but understand why they ctb and respect their choice
I also only got the relationship as a fluke and am too ugly, short and autistic to ever have another relationship. Swipe apps are all appearance based and every meet up or group i go to is way older people and mostly men.
I don't care about my passions and hobbies anymore, all I want is a girlfriend but I'll never have one again. But killing myself would destroy my parents. I wish they just understood how CTB is the right choice for me. I would be less embarrassed to have a dead son than a 28 year old virgin who has no ambition and hates life. I have almost no interest in platonic relationships anymore either
I'm posting in recovery because I'm looking to be -genuinely- convinced I'm wrong, and shouldn't do it. I don't want to leave without trying everything. Despite this i already have everything planned out and a deadline set. Please let me know if I am breaking the rules.
The fact that's hardest to argue with is that I won't be around to process my family's reactions or anything at all after death and so I wouldn't have to worry about it after.
That's also what makes wanting to stay alive challenging because dreamless eternal sleep sounds better than life as 28, 29, 30 year old virgin with no one to hold at night after a bad day.
I feel so much anhedonia even when doing hobbies I used to love. I used to draw and have lost my ability. I can't lift as much as I used to because I don't have enough energy. I can't bring myself to play guitar because my music will never be finished because I'm too scared to record vocals.
Anyone who has experienced The suicide death of another who did have hope they just didn't see, please share if you are comfortable.
If this isn't appropriate for recovery please move it to another section if possible. I really want to hear what people have to say. I'm totally ready to die internally but squeamish about the emotional pain I will inflict; and the panic of searching for my body, and the disappointment and despair when I'm found gone. I can't leave a note because it would make it easier to find me in time but everyone knows why I want to ctb anyways. They just think my romantic luck will change because they're from another era before dating apps when I know it won't and haven't found a way to cope with that and probably never will.
Anyone who's ever had to identify a loved one's body would be welcome too. I also want to hear from people who lost others but understand why they ctb and respect their choice
