How strong is your si?

[Terrible_Life]

Hi everyone,
how strong is your si? If you ever had an attempt but failed because of si, how did it stop you? Was there a huge anxiety, was your body shaking or was it something else maybe?
Do you think you'll be able to overcome si by the fact how extreme your suffering is?
I get it how frustrating this whole si issue is but I think in the end I have to be brave and go into action. A miracle won't happen, an angel won't come to me and heal me. I must end a life which isn't worth it to be lived and which will get much worse if I don't end it.
Every day is another huge motivation to just take my rope go the woods and die and honestly the pain really numbs you at least my inhumane horrible pain does.

 

[Jisatsu]

My si isnt strong because ive pulled off a lot of attempts...but when It happens its usually a anxiety of messing up. I pause and think usually and that's what gets me ...
I will overcome it next time I'm positive

 

[Arvayn]

Honestly, I've never had a self-preservation instinct, even as a kid. My survival drive is entirely cognitive. When I knew I was actively dying or doing something that would potentially make me die, I never really minded. Had way too many childhood NDEs as a result.
I am a schizoid, though, so that probably has something to do with it.

 

[Terrible_Life]

Honestly, I've never had a self-preservation instinct, even as a kid. My survival drive is entirely cognitive. When I knew I was actively dying or doing something that would potentially make me die, I never really minded. Had way too many childhood NDEs as a result.
I am a schizoid, though, so that probably has something to do with it.

Do you think if you'd commit suicide you'd feel no fear and could just do it ?

My si isnt strong because ive pulled off a lot of attempts...but when It happens its usually a anxiety of messing up. I pause and think usually and that's what gets me ...
I will overcome it next time I'm positive

I realized day after my failed attempt how the fear becomes less. Probably there are many factors for this for me personally it's simply the fact how hard the terrible reality kicked in after my attempt so I was like wow so for this bullshit I failed my attempt ? For this suffering ?