How should I cope with the fact that my CTB will hurt some people (a lot)?

[Reach]

Hi everybody,
I'm kinda new (my first post) here, however I was lurking for a while now.
For me, there are 3 main things that holds me back from ctb:
1. I don't have the proper stuff for my preferred method (yet).
2. I fear of death.
3. My loved ones would get hurt so much because of my CTB.

The first two are manageable, but the third one is something hard for me to accept. I also know that it's my life and my decision, so it shouldn't be made on the effect it might have on others, but I would still feel shit about this, because those people really care about me. If I get to the point to ctb, I'm not sure what should I do to ease the pain of my loved ones.
Edit: there is also a bit more to this. One of my loved one is also tend to be suicidal in the past (not now) and I'm really afraid how my ctb would affect her. Maybe this is my biggest drawback for now. Maybe if our relationship get distant in the future, it'll make things easier but there is a tiny chance that my ctb could cause an other, which I definitely don't want.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

what you could do to try and ease the pain your ctb will have on your loved ones is assure them that you love them, and that your ctb wasn't their fault in a note should you choose to leave one. i don't think there's much else you can do.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I wish there was an easy response to this. I think you'll find that a lot of us struggle with this very concept. As I try to cope with my feelings on this, I keep two things in mind.

1. Whether alive or dead, we have no control over how others feel or react to certain events. If alive, we can offer emotional support, but we still have no control over the feelings of others. Once dead, everything is out of our hands. It's up to our loved one as to how they handle it and up to their loved ones as to how best to support them.

2. There will come a time when the pain I feel from being alive overcomes the pain I feel from the guilt of initiating a situation that causes my loved ones to grieve. When my pain is so great, then I know it's the right choice.

I've tried to impart upon my family and friends the idea that I am in a lot of pain. My hope is that after I pass, they will find comfort in knowing that I can longer suffer from that pain. If I was suffering from a physical ailment, they would be saddened by my death, but would likely find consolation in that line of thinking. It should be no different with mental illness.

 

[BPD Barbie]

This isn't an easy one to solve sadly. People will still be hurt as it's the nature of the beast. I'd say, as others have said, just remind them how much you care about them and love them, spend extra time creating good memories with them etc. While it won't soften the blow all that much, it will give them something to smile about when they think of you.

 

[deadmalk]

My 12 year old son took his life April of last year. I know how devastating his loss has been to our family, our friends, his friends, etc. - the thing is, there isn't a day since he passed that I don't want to join him. My hurdles are first, I used to love life; second, I'm scared to die, and third, I'm scared to leave my wife alone. I keep checking to make sure we will be okay when I'm gone, it's just so hard to try to get through each day when I don't want to be here anymore, it yet I am scared to leave this world. I just can't take this suffering anymore I haven't for a long time. I have been open with most of my family though letting them know that I don't know how long I can last living and that I want to spend good times with them now. I have left letters also to those close to me explaining the sadness and emptiness I feel in hopes they will understand and not have the classic question of "why"? They know why and see my daily struggles. I apologize, I could go on and on, but I guess my point is, I can relate to your stall- it's seems so complicated to end life peacefully for both ourselves and those we care about.

 

[draw a circle]

One of my loved one is also tend to be suicidal in the past (not now) and I'm really afraid how my ctb would affect her. Maybe this is my biggest drawback for now. Maybe if our relationship get distant in the future, it'll make things easier but there is a tiny chance that my ctb could cause an other, which I definitely don't want.

can relate to this... i can't even talk about me being suicidal to my best friend because i'm scared i'd trigger them. even though they're the only person I should be sure wouldn't judge me, but i'm scared they'd cut me off after knowing this about me.

I overcame problem no. 1, and I don't mind being dead, but i'm more afraid of failing and causing irreversible damage to myself. How to cope? I'm not sure. I just kinda go through the motions every day and not think about it. people do care. if i could i would probably find help, to be honest. i hope you find your way around this. whatever your choice is, we're here to support you. good luck

 

[death137]

You probably won't see the aftermath. If writing letters help then great but at least for me it won't help. If you also think it won't help then try to cop with the thought that you won't see the effect of your suicide and that everyone who love you will one day die and your action won't be felt by them.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

My 12 year old son took his life April of last year. I know how devastating his loss has been to our family, our friends, his friends, etc. - the thing is, there isn't a day since he passed that I don't want to join him. My hurdles are first, I used to love life; second, I'm scared to die, and third, I'm scared to leave my wife alone. I keep checking to make sure we will be okay when I'm gone, it's just so hard to try to get through each day when I don't want to be here anymore, it yet I am scared to leave this world. I just can't take this suffering anymore I haven't for a long time. I have been open with most of my family though letting them know that I don't know how long I can last living and that I want to spend good times with them now. I have left letters also to those close to me explaining the sadness and emptiness I feel in hopes they will understand and not have the classic question of "why"? They know why and see my daily struggles. I apologize, I could go on and on, but I guess my point is, I can relate to your stall- it's seems so complicated to end life peacefully for both ourselves and those we care about.

My deepest condolences in regards to your son. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm here because I lost my 25 yr old son in a car accident 3 yrs ago. I cannot function without him. It's to painful to exist without my son.