How scared are you that strangers notice you are not a neurotypical/average person?

[noname223]

Not sure how I feel about that. It is quite ambivalent. It depends on my mood I guess. When I was manic I thought maybe the people think I am a mentally ill genius.

When I am depressed it differs from situation to situation. Sometimes I am scared people notice I am not mentally stable. I was paranoid about that in the past. It is an ambivalent feeling. Sometimes I want that people notice my suffering and that they acknowledge it. It is a weird feeling. I could elaborate more on it. I think it is very intricate. But I don't have any energy anymore. And I also develop OCD concerning writing in this forum. This is quite annoying. This has happened since some weeks. And I get frustrated.

 

[VKVK]

Depends on my mood and what I want my 'influence'/appearance to be to them. Usually I don't care anymore for the sole reason that the energy expenditure is enormous.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I unfortunately wanted the opposite, that people would not notice my suffering. I am unfortunately an open book, and what I feel is reflected in my expression and way of being. Even those who don't know me can tell that I'm not well. I wish I could pretend I'm fine, but I can't.

I'm sorry that this forum is hurting you. That is not the purpose.

 

[Shrek]

It is a big source of anxiety for me. I feel like my depression is partially my fault and moral failing. My colleagues are very skilled and well-put together, so standing out with severe mental ilness like a black sheep would make me want to shed my own skin.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

It is a big source of anxiety for me. I feel like my depression is partially my fault and moral failing. My colleagues are very skilled and well-put together, so standing out with severe mental ilness like a black sheep would make me want to shed my own skin.

I feel you.

 

[noname223]

I unfortunately wanted the opposite, that people would not notice my suffering. I am unfortunately an open book, and what I feel is reflected in my expression and way of being. Even those who don't know me can tell that I'm not well. I wish I could pretend I'm fine, but I can't.

I'm sorry that this forum is hurting you. That is not the purpose.

The forum is not hurting me. It is rather my stupid OCD.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It depends but usually I don't care enough. It used to be a very big deal but it just varies on the person I guess.

 

[Grey-zoner]

Not sure how I feel about that. It is quite ambivalent. It depends on my mood I guess. When I was manic I thought maybe the people think I am a mentally ill genius.

When I am depressed it differs from situation to situation. Sometimes I am scared people notice I am not mentally stable. I was paranoid about that in the past. It is an ambivalent feeling. Sometimes I want that people notice my suffering and that they acknowledge it. It is a weird feeling. I could elaborate more on it. I think it is very intricate. But I don't have any energy anymore. And I also develop OCD concerning writing in this forum. This is quite annoying. This has happened since some weeks. And I get frustrated.

It's become a daily preoccupation with me. My OCD symptoms have receded over the years, and social anxiety has taken their place. Do you feel constantly self-aware in public, as if you were going to do something strange or seem creepy??? Which, in classic neurotic fashion, makes a person seem strange or "creepy". Then there's the shame and embarrassment from years of obsession, isolation, depression, and stagnation. It's a lot of weight to carry.

 

[Heartaches]

Sometimes I want to be noticed and sometimes I wish I could vanish into thin air, without anyone noticing.

It is a big source of anxiety for me. I feel like my depression is partially my fault and moral failing. My colleagues are very skilled and well-put together, so standing out with severe mental ilness like a black sheep would make me want to shed my own skin.

My life at this moment and in the past.

 

[lofticries]

Very. Which is why I avoid ppl like the plague and if I do have to interact I say very lil or make up some bullshit about myself that sounds normal if they ask questions.

 

[Al Cappella]

Not at all, because I mask really well…

 

[magicalsarcoma]

Once upon a time i was very, very socially anxious. I mean, it was difficult for me to go out because i was afraid of what people might think even about my appearance. I was constantly wondering if i was moving correctly, if i was smiling correctly, if i was breathing correctly, lol. It was even harder for me to say anything (i mean absolutely ordinary things or requests). And the worst thing was to really open up to people, to talk about myself
But one day i just got so tired of all this that i stopped caring about all these things. Perhaps it happened when i realized that i couldn't do anything perfectly and resigned myself. Or when i realized that i have problems much more serious than possible thoughts in the minds of people i don't even know and probably will never see again. Or when all the things happening in life began to seem even more meaningless/not worth attention to me than before
I feel very calm nowadays. It's easy for me to tell anything about myself, i walk freely in T-shirts with a bunch of scars on my hands, i can shout in the crowd that i fuck with whales if it suddenly becomes necessary one day. In fact, it is very convenient not to feel any social shyness at all. And i keep in my head the idea that no one can insult me worse than i can do it myself, hah

 

[lofi]

I definitely worry about this 99% of the time I am not alone. I wish I just didn't care.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I used to worry more about it. In the past year or so, I've stopped caring as much. I mean. I have problems and it's clear. So if people notice it, whatever. If they wanna judge, that's on them.

Sometimes it's still embarrassing or shameful, but…eh.

 

[Niko66]

I wished all my life I could come off as normal and not quiet, awkward, autistic person but it realized lately that it's essentially impossible. I am still ashamed but at this point I think the only solution for me is to stick with people who seem more tolerant and accepting of oir differences.