How pathetic I am

[dandan]

its been 2 years + since I succumed into my own poors self-concept and afraid and keeping face, showing myself as invincible I said NO to a girl whom I was REALLY into, so much, and adored her, that I was no match for her, I was afraid of she seeing the cowardness and my unwillingness to give a fight, to keep on going and make it possible for us to work.
update: oh did I mentioned I was so afraid of money, how was I gonna keep up with expenses?? I can barely make it on my own, I got my own house on credit, a car, but nothing compared to my peers, family or friends..... so money also made me said NO to her, no no no, but it really was my cowardness and my poor self-concept

Today, 2 years + later, I found in myself this idea that I've just told you about before. 2 years + to be consciouss of why I said no to her. well in a clearer way.

and I also discover that poverty is on a man's mind(or women's), you see there's rich people with not much money , and there's poor people with money.

like poor lottery winners who loose it all

its the person whos poor, of course there are many exceptions!! even myself!!

but im finding maybe in my case, im poor in both ways... yup

yupyup

and then I thought

What have I been waiting for?

What am I waiting for?

C L A R I T Y ... in one word as simple as it gets

I just want Clarity, what to do, clear set of instructions, a good manual for the brain and thoughts, to think straight and say the right words.

Clarity in the plans of actions, and the <?php and java and javascript code, and gosh all the testing, testing software pays but I have not sharpen my skills to earn as twice or 3 times as much... why have I not sharpen my skills? cause I've been thinking about me, and me , me´(I'am) is more important than money or a job,
fix me first please!!

I already lost the girl, I lost million's of dollars in crypo, (sold before, it was a neccessity!! the first time, the second time, I was going to ctb so what the hell, sold)

and I keep thinking about that girl, who already told me she would like to be a mom with that guy, and then told me to fuck off

and I keep creating conversations of what we could've been together..... .gosh , how pathetic, how pathetic I am

there's millions of other women, maybe less because I like them pretty and humoristic and with a sharp mind and sexy and if possible successful, like she was Gosh!!! How pathetic

so stop being pathetic, learn your lesson, learn your lesson son lol

and move on!! find another girl to make a hell out of her lol , naaa jk I wanna be cute and successful (in the inside and on the outside)

so what am I waiting for?


C L A R i T Y


CAN i GET IT?
CAN i BUILD IT?
CAN i SEE WHAT I WANT?
HAVE i FOUND WHAT i'VE BEEN LOOKiNG FOR?

I FOUND SOMETHING

 

[timf]

It sounds a little like your emphasis is on what you can get. This can be seen as somewhat consumptive. As we live in a consumer society, it would not be unusual to see this emphasis.

You might wish to experiment with some giving more than taking. For example, if you were to do some volunteer work where you received nothing, you might find a little more balance.