Question in the title. Also how do you manage your anxieties without putting them onto your partner?
Has anybody have an experience of needing a lot of love and support from their partner but accidentally overwhelming them instead leaving you both unhappy? If so I'd love your input and advice.
For context I'm in a long distance relationship and we've been together for just over a year but we've known each other for 10 years prior to that, although we've only met in person just before we got together, but we were already close.
All was good until about July when my mental health started to break apart, I'm now diagnosed with ptsd in active therapy, trying my best. I'm really good at controlling my anger and instant reactions so I'm not abusive in any way. I am also pretty good at communication and am very accountable and focused on self improvement and ensuring that my partner also has space to adress anything he needs.
What I struggle with is sadness and anxiety in this relationship is through the roof. And I get a lot of breakdowns. I can't seem to iust relax and trust him so at times I read too much into his behaviour and messaging style, and everything makes me super insecure. I'm also having huge suicidal crisis, frequent breakdowns and I'm struggling more than I have in years and I'm myself scared of how bad it gets at times.
I feel like he is being too cold and I would like him to show me a little bit of extra love, like a goodnight message every evening would be nice. I tend to do that, we both used to did morning and goodnight messages all the time. But it's not case anymore. The thing is that he does get in touch daily and he tends to shut down when he is overwhelmed and I think he has got a lot on his plate at the moment and I have brought a lot of seriousness and heaviness into our relationship by sharing quite explicitly what I'm going through. I don't think he understands any of it and I think I've overwhelmed him with how much I need.
Problem is I don't feel like I can talk to him about this anymore because he has given me a lot of reassurance and told me that he hasn't got any issues with me and is there for me. The thing is that his communication is very brief and I don't feel like he is actually there for me.
I guess I'm asking how am I supposed to give him space that he needs and trust that everything is okay and relax when we are spending time together, when I feel anxious and guilty and want a little bit more, but I don't think currently he has anymore to give?
Oh and I think important to say is that he acts in the way as if he needed more space but doesn't actually communicate it, he isn't good at communicating a lot of things, and unclear communication and changes in behaviour, acting distant and emotioneless, it all triggers ptsd for me.
Has anybody have an experience of needing a lot of love and support from their partner but accidentally overwhelming them instead leaving you both unhappy? If so I'd love your input and advice.
For context I'm in a long distance relationship and we've been together for just over a year but we've known each other for 10 years prior to that, although we've only met in person just before we got together, but we were already close.
All was good until about July when my mental health started to break apart, I'm now diagnosed with ptsd in active therapy, trying my best. I'm really good at controlling my anger and instant reactions so I'm not abusive in any way. I am also pretty good at communication and am very accountable and focused on self improvement and ensuring that my partner also has space to adress anything he needs.
What I struggle with is sadness and anxiety in this relationship is through the roof. And I get a lot of breakdowns. I can't seem to iust relax and trust him so at times I read too much into his behaviour and messaging style, and everything makes me super insecure. I'm also having huge suicidal crisis, frequent breakdowns and I'm struggling more than I have in years and I'm myself scared of how bad it gets at times.
I feel like he is being too cold and I would like him to show me a little bit of extra love, like a goodnight message every evening would be nice. I tend to do that, we both used to did morning and goodnight messages all the time. But it's not case anymore. The thing is that he does get in touch daily and he tends to shut down when he is overwhelmed and I think he has got a lot on his plate at the moment and I have brought a lot of seriousness and heaviness into our relationship by sharing quite explicitly what I'm going through. I don't think he understands any of it and I think I've overwhelmed him with how much I need.
Problem is I don't feel like I can talk to him about this anymore because he has given me a lot of reassurance and told me that he hasn't got any issues with me and is there for me. The thing is that his communication is very brief and I don't feel like he is actually there for me.
I guess I'm asking how am I supposed to give him space that he needs and trust that everything is okay and relax when we are spending time together, when I feel anxious and guilty and want a little bit more, but I don't think currently he has anymore to give?
Oh and I think important to say is that he acts in the way as if he needed more space but doesn't actually communicate it, he isn't good at communicating a lot of things, and unclear communication and changes in behaviour, acting distant and emotioneless, it all triggers ptsd for me.
