Discussion How much suffering makes it justified? Do you fear the consequences?

[Infinite Conscious]

Of course I realize this depends from person to person and there is no objective answer.

I've had suicidal thoughts for what seems forever. Since I can remember. I even began to think it is my destiny, the lesson I have to learn in this lifetime, since it has been so persistent.

As I got older, and lost control of my life, it got worse.

Sorry for taking precious moments of your lives which may end soon, but this is the only place I can open up completely, and it seems no one judges here, and there's even compassion.

So I will list the reasons, or excuses, why I feel it is justified to CTB. At the same time I am afraid of the consequences in the afterlife, as 3 decades of research made me from an atheist – to an agnostic – to a believer in God. Not in the judeo-christian kind of God, but rather in the Infinite Consciousness which incarnates into human bodies, so our souls could learn the lessons, have missions, and evolve through multiple lives and emotions (love and suffering being at the heart of it). I believe we will be, at the moment of death, presented with a retrospect of our lives. We will not be judged and sent to Hell, but in case of suicide, we will be forced to relive the lessons we did not finish in this life. And we will suffer a little more in the next life for trying to play God this time around. Those entities up there don't look favorable to suicide. So, there is no escape, unfortunately.

The thought that there is no escape – terrifies me.

But are these reasons/excuses enough to be pardoned?

• HIV (a part of me practically died inside when I heard the diagnosis 10 years ago)
• 45 years old, no family, no children
• Lost several jobs, currently living with parents and feeling like a parasite
• Huge debt due to bank loans, so when I work, my almost entire salary is confiscated by the banks (the debt is so large it will follow me to the end)
• Depression, alienation, cut ties with most friends
• Opioid addiction... on and off, for a very long time (filling the black hole of emptiness inside)
• Feeling that I cannot work anymore
• Left by girlfriend recently, the only woman I loved
• I feel like a total disappointment to everyone around me
• Sexual impotence due to prolonged use of drugs
• I feel like I have an aura of negative energy around me, which makes new professional or emotional opportunities non-existent

And all this – while being aware that our lives are what we make out of them through our thoughts. We should never feel like a victim, but I do.

What keeps me going?

• Mostly FEAR... for CTB in my country I have to choose between jumping and hanging, and I only once tried the partial suspension 4 years ago, obviuosly unsuccessfully. If I only had a gun, this would have been all over long ago. I cannot overcome the fear of jumping. So, it's the fear from both the process of dying and the consequences of such an act.
• I wrote a book (fiction) and it's being published in September.
• I still look good and like 10 years younger

Whenever I hear somebody committed suicide, I sincerely envy them. I have much respect for people who actually succeed in CTB.
People think of them as "cowards", while there is no greater bravery that I can imagine, overcoming nature and the survival instinct.

Although I empathize with everyone's suffering, I believe some people are just going through rough phases and don't really want to die. I believe a single problem is rarely justifiable for such a terminal solution, especially for teenagers and people in their 20's. I feel such people really need to seek help and try to postpone this decision. There is always time to die. Maybe now is not the best moment for some people.

The truth is - problems are often temporary, while this solution is permanent.

But when life takes the grasp of your neck and blurs your vision, and when problems accumulate into a mountain, when I see no hope for it all to get better – then I feel CTB is justified. There is only a certain amount of suffering each one of us can bare.

What are your reasons to want to leave this world?

I am just curious, I don't judge anyone, I empathize with everyone's pain.

Thank you all for being here and exchanging emotions and energy, whatever kind those might be.
IRL most of us don't have anyone we can talk about our emotions and suicidal thoughts openly.

 

[death137]

I'm open minded to anything happening after death so I've some fear about it but not much to prevent me from ctb. The main reason why I'm alive is fear of pain. But recently I've come to accept it since I've no choice and will face it soon.

I've also have much respect for ppl who successfully ctb. Pro-lifers say living is bravery and suicide is cowardice. Their ignorance made me to hate inspiration quotes in general.

 

[Caspers]

Their ignorance made me to hate inspiration quotes in general.

I can completely relate to that, some inspirational quotes make me feel sick.

I want to leave this world because it is horrible. I can't see this world getting any better, climate change, corrupt politicians etc make this world a disgusting place. I can't see a future for myself. I have many mental health problems, I've been mentally ill since I was four and what has the NHS done? Nada. Psychiatrists are robots, my psychologist doesn't take me seriously, and to put it simply, I have been suicidal for as long as I remember and I cannot see a way out other than CTB.

I do believe you should not CTB due to a temporary/fixable problem, but I believe myself and many others are beyond fixing.

I do not fear the afterlife, I have been dead before and although I cannot remember it due to the brain injury it caused, I would have thought I would remember an afterlife if I went to one. I am not afraid of the consequences to myself, although I am aware I will hurt many people.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

as for the first question - i think what's a "justifiable" or "valid" reason for suicide is up to the person. validity is subjective. there isn't a way to measure somebody's suffering, because we all suffer in different ways and feel things differently.

for me, i just want to end the cycle of abuse my family has been going in circles for as long as i can remember. i don't want to be told "that's just how we raise our kids" or "you're making a mountain out of an anthill" by the same people who hurt me. i also don't want to stick around to see society as we know it self-destruct, because it's so ugly already i can't imagine how hideous it'll look when it falls.

personally, i don't believe in the afterlife, so i don't fear the consequences or punishment from a higher power. if anything, i'm more afraid of the consequences it'll have on the people i leave behind. if there is a higher power who will punish me for ctb, i don't fear it/them. it's not like i can escape my punishment, so i might as well embrace it with open arms.

 

[yannyorlaurel]

I want to leave because I feel BPD has me in a trap. I torment myself and my family, and I even if I was able to hold down employment, stabilize, continue education... what's the point if it will always be incredibly difficult to form relationships without losing control? I feel that once I hopefully can acquire N I may give some form of recovery a shot, knowing there is a way out, or I may just go off the rails before I CTB. From what I've gathered the quality of life for people with this condition is always pretty low (even after treatment) so I'd rather go out young than sitting around regretting even more of my life.