Discussion How much of your life is an act? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

So- obviously it's not something we can really measure- but- how much of your life would you say was an act? How good are you at 'putting on a brave face?' For those that do- does it help you to pretend everything is ok? Does it make any part of you believe it? Or- is it all just exhausting?

For me- I'd say 50% of my life is an act around family and friends. They realise I'm unhappy I'm sure but- I don't let on how much. In terms of employers/strangers- maybe 70-80% is an act. I've never felt comfortable pretending to be what I'm not- so- I'm sure something comes through but I try to be more upbeat with other people.

How about you? I guess it depends on how many people you are forced to be around and how understanding they are/ would be.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'm too far gone now to stop trying to hide anything anymore.
I barely eat, rarely wash, and look like a shadow of my former self. My eyes have a look of complete defeat and hopelessness in them.
Just one look at me and you know I'm in a bad way.
Nobody cares though.
But that's nothing new.

 

[jazzcat]

I don't think people in my life have taken me seriously, I told my psychiatrist, my psychologist, my family and my friends since I was 18 and I'm 26 now, I feel like I'm finally done trying and I have a date set, I'm transitioning into pretending I'm ok so I don't get hospitalized against my will, so 50%? but at the same time I HATE lying unless it's for someone else's sake, so if they were to ask me straight up I would admit I'm suicidal but the reality is no one wants to ask

 

[newave3]

My whole life is a lie.

 

[deathisnear]

it's like living a double life. I fake everything so people don't freak out and yet feel trapped here by those people I'm faking to so they aren't hurt when I do it. When will it end, I hope we all can achieve the peace we seek.

My whole life is a lie.

Mine too. Fuck Life

 

[AerialBoundaries]

I faked it to make it my entire life, growing up. I managed to get all the way through school unscathed, but I always knew deep down I was on the peripheral and that people were not friends with my true self, only the persona that I developed to fit in and survive.

I'm a relatively well spoken, charming guy. You'd never know I was on the spectrum, if you didn't know what to look out for and it's much easier to go undetected when you're younger. I haven't made any friends or formed any meaningful relationships since adulthood. I think once people get to know me, they sense that something isn't right with me, mentally, even if they can't put their finger on it. It's a source of pain because I wasn't a loner growing up. People gravitated away from me as I got older and vice versa.

If I could go back and do it again, armed with the knowledge that I was on the spectrum(my diagnosis was withheld from me until my early 20s) and had anxiety/depression issues. I wouldn't have faked it. I would've been honest and myself, even if it were to my own detriment. It was mentally exhausting. I built up a completely false reputation in the hopes that people would like me and it worked, to a certain extent. I was a trouble maker who would swear at teachers, get into fights and get suspended constantly. I only did it for the approval of others.

I was a fool. Don't do what I did. Be yourself.

 

[Dead Ghost]

The ones who act are the others looking the other way when they see me (at home, on the street, when I go out, I am an interesting subject).
//
Els que actuen són els altres mirant cap un altre cantó quan em veuen (a casa, al carrer, quan surto, sóc un tema interessant).

 

[Arrow]

I have trouble saying I even have a life to comment on

 

[Ailurus]

I definitely don't hide being depressed, but how depressed, how bad it is and just what the cause of it is is incredibly hard to share with my dad or other family.
My closer friends know. None of them want me to go, but like... I don't hide it... I'm tired Much too tired to take care of myself, so why worry so much about others who wouldn't even see you as you, you know?

 

[NumbItAll]

20% seems about right to me. I am pretty isolated, and everyone close to me knows about my depression. I'm not really capable of faking anything other than the bare minimum needed to get by. I would rather be authentic, even if nobody likes me.

I do wonder about how some of the posters on this site are in real life. There is one in particular who is a fascinating character, pretty well known, and I wonder what they could even talk about in real life to people who wouldn't understand them. It is sad but interesting. It sucks that we should even need this relatively safe space to give our "real" thoughts but I am glad it exists.

 

[Forever Sleep]

20% seems about right to me. I am pretty isolated, and everyone close to me knows about my depression. I'm not really capable of faking anything other than the bare minimum needed to get by. I would rather be authentic, even if nobody likes me.

I do wonder about how some of the posters on this site are in real life. There is one in particular who is a fascinating character, pretty well known, and I wonder what they could even talk about in real life to people who wouldn't understand them. It is sad but interesting. It sucks that we should even need this relatively safe space to give our "real" thoughts but I am glad it exists.

Yes- I agree with you. Authenticity feels important to me too. Not so much with strangers and colleagues- because that's more of a neutral, professional relationship. With friends and family though- it feels wrong to lie.

I've actually pretty much asked one friend to stop asking me how I am! Because I don't want to lie and I know (out of kindness), they'll try and say some platitude to try and help if I tell the truth- but that just winds me up more! Better to just avoid the subject really.

Yes, I can probably guess who you're talking about. I know it's wrong to talk behind others' backs but I suspect we are all curious about her life. I hope she doesn't mind me saying this but I don't actually know how she does it. As far as I'm aware- no one knows how she feels- I did run a poll once. I think then- you would need somewhere like here to just get it all out. That's one hell of a burden to keep all those feelings hidden.

I reckon my Dad suspects but is too afraid to ask. I talk about such dark subject matter with him. I hope he doesn't ask. I don't think I could lie to him. I don't think I could ever do it while he's alive but I think just the knowledge that I want and quite possibly intend to do it would break his heart.

 

[Ultracheese]

I like to think I'm not being obvious but I probably am. I'm not as good at hiding things as I'd like.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Cannot really tell. It's a mix. I never quite succeded to maintain a stable public persona even though I'm good at presenting myself to people that I don't know. But once a connection is established and I start to care, I have this frustrating tendency for saying EVERYTHING that I mean. I'm a truth-teller to a fault. Oversharing left and right. Usually in an intensive manner...
I've lost a lot of people because of this rushed "truthfulness". I'm a good actor in front of strangers but abysmal with people I know.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Cannot really tell. It's a mix. I never quite succeded to maintain a stable public persona even though I'm good at presenting myself to people that I don't know. But once a connection is established and I start to care, I have this frustrating tendency for saying EVERYTHING that I mean. I'm a truth-teller to a fault. Oversharing left and right. Usually in an intensive manner...
I've lost a lot of people because of this rushed "truthfulness". I'm a good actor in front of strangers but abysmal with people I know.

God yeah- I have done this in the past too. I guess it's the excitement in a way- you finally find someone you click with and you BELIEVE they will understand and accept you and before you know it- you've told them just about everything.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

God yeah- I have done this in the past too. I guess it's the excitement in a way- you finally find someone you click with and you BELIEVE they will understand and accept you and before you know it- you've told them just about everything.

And at that point, acting ceases to be an option. That's the issue. Not that you told. The truth will set you free. In theory.
But... There's a fatality in exposing it. You can't take it back. Ever. Acting becomes futile, inevitably transparent. And that's a bummer. Because some truths are more horrible than others.