i don't even know. i feel hopeless some days, yet i carry on with the motions of doing well academically, getting uni offers, having a healthy relationship with a wonderful man who treats me like a princess, having friends, having family. but i don't see this going anywhere. i wish i could look to the future and see happiness, and tbh i feel like ill make it and have a family and a job and a house. but i don't have hope for myself. i will be a shadow of myself when i reach that destination. i have some level of hope i'll survive, but next to none that i'll thrive. therapy doesn't work, i'm a terrible girlfriend, friend and daughter, and i've been trying to get better for years and failing.