How much empathy you have?

[iwanttodie019]

here i am talking about emotional empathy(affective).
Not cognitive empathy

 

[waqs]

Not enough IMO. It's very hard for me to relate to other, which reaches beyond just interacting with them, and since it's hard to relate to people then it's hard to relate to their struggles. It's not that I don't care at all and I try my best to comfort them if needed, but it all feels sorta superficial; like I'm having to put on a mask to help them. I want to be more empathetic to the things and people around me, but I don't really know how to, if that makes sense.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

None, in practice. I feel it for one person consistently, and pretty often I feel it for animals as well. But other people? Not really.

 

[weetabix]

I feel empathy quite often, but struggle feeling sympathy for others and their problems.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I feel empathy quite often, but struggle feeling sympathy for others and their problems.

May I ask your definition of empathy versus sympathy?

 

[weetabix]

May I ask your definition of empathy versus sympathy?

Sure, empathy is feeling a fantom equivalent pain or something close to the discomfort someone might have in a certain situation. And like sympathy would be feeling bad for the misfortune of the situation.
"I can feel how that cut hurts" vs "I feel bad you cut yourself"

 

[etherealgoddess]

here i am talking about emotional empathy(affective).
Not cognitive empathy

Too much. I cry watching Mr. Beast videos lol. Seeing how happy people get makes me very emotional. If I see anything with people getting harmed, it bothers me a lot. Someone has to show me that they are sadistically trying to hurt me and then do a lot of damage to turn me into even a part of a monster because I still feel guilty to hurt them. Idk.

I'm honestly praying that I become more sociopathic. This is honestly such a curse because it makes me resent most people. It makes me not want to socialize because I know that they don't have that level of ethics. They get a super high-quality friend who looks out for them while I just get beaten down. And I know I should adjust my expectations, but it's really hard when it's hardwired in your brain to care about how people feel. I think it messes up my ability to socialize. I feel genuinely so uncomfortable to hurt others wrecklessly in an emotional way. But others have no problem doing that to me. So it gets very frustrating dealing with so many sadists.

My mentality for wanting to learn to be a good person was that I thought that if I was a good person that I'd be able to find another really great friend, but I find that it's really hard to find one in the first place. Like I realize most social interactions are like a fucking arena. It's like a social arena when you go to a school or a workplace. If you don't act in line, some sociopath (I know I talked about this in a forum and am not trying to hate on sociopaths but am saying this from an "I am bothered" standpoint) is going to go off and pick on me because I make them feel insecure. Then my reputation is ruined to 0 because some jealous sociopathic woman wanted to ruin me. And I think that if I were to just not care about friendships or people that much in general, I wouldn't care. But I have this deep desire to bond with people and make friends. I care about how they feel. Every time those sociopaths entered my life, I wanted to help them to improve. I had nothing but good intentions. And I just get thrown under the bus because they were insecure. And it's really frustrating.

If I simply didn't care about bonding with people or being likable, I would simply not GAF about being liked. I'm not even caring about being liked from a standpoint of if I am good enough or how much power being liked is. It's literally just the feeling of wanting to bond and be cared about the same way I care about others. It's like I want to just bond with people and care about people.

The world is so low vibrational that even if you try to be high vibrational, it's really hard to live. It's like I basically put in all this work to upgrading myself from an emotional level to realize that literally no one has put in any similar level of work as me. There are probably people, so I hope to find them. They're probably isolated like me lol.

 

[eyenumbing]

i feel like im not as empathetic as i used to be. ever since i got a job, working with other people has made me become easily agitated.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Too much. I cry watching Mr. Beast videos lol. Seeing how happy people get makes me very emotional. If I see anything with people getting harmed, it bothers me a lot. Someone has to show me that they are sadistically trying to hurt me and then do a lot of damage to turn me into even a part of a monster because I still feel guilty to hurt them. Idk.

I'm honestly praying that I become more sociopathic. This is honestly such a curse because it makes me resent most people. It makes me not want to socialize because I know that they don't have that level of ethics. They get a super high-quality friend who looks out for them while I just get beaten down. And I know I should adjust my expectations, but it's really hard when it's hardwired in your brain to care about how people feel. I think it messes up my ability to socialize. I feel genuinely so uncomfortable to hurt others wrecklessly in an emotional way. But others have no problem doing that to me. So it gets very frustrating dealing with so many sadists.

My mentality for wanting to learn to be a good person was that I thought that if I was a good person that I'd be able to find another really great friend, but I find that it's really hard to find one in the first place. Like I realize most social interactions are like a fucking arena. It's like a social arena when you go to a school or a workplace. If you don't act in line, some sociopath (I know I talked about this in a forum and am not trying to hate on sociopaths but am saying this from an "I am bothered" standpoint) is going to go off and pick on me because I make them feel insecure. Then my reputation is ruined to 0 because some jealous sociopathic woman wanted to ruin me. And I think that if I were to just not care about friendships or people that much in general, I wouldn't care. But I have this deep desire to bond with people and make friends. I care about how they feel. Every time those sociopaths entered my life, I wanted to help them to improve. I had nothing but good intentions. And I just get thrown under the bus because they were insecure. And it's really frustrating.

If I simply didn't care about bonding with people or being likable, I would simply not GAF about being liked. I'm not even caring about being liked from a standpoint of if I am good enough or how much power being liked is. It's literally just the feeling of wanting to bond and be cared about the same way I care about others. It's like I want to just bond with people and care about people.

The world is so low vibrational that even if you try to be high vibrational, it's really hard to live. It's like I basically put in all this work to upgrading myself from an emotional level to realize that literally no one has put in any similar level of work as me. There are probably people, so I hope to find them. They're probably isolated like me lol.

Genuine question. You do know that sociopathy (ASPD is the proper term) doesn't just mean "person with no empathy who doesn't care about other people," right? Because I'm sort of confused by your reply.

 

[Arvayn]

I feel a lot of sympathy and a little bit of empathy for people who I perceive as weak and defenseless, or unjustly taken advantage of. I do not know why this exception seems to exist in my mind. It is like a primal, impulsive instinct telling me to nurture.
Other than that, I have almost zero empathy. Even for my friends. I have to perform feeling remorseful for them. I'm quite good at it, though.

 

[copioushopelessness]

Genuine question. You do know that sociopathy (ASPD is the proper term) doesn't just mean "person with no empathy who doesn't care about other people," right? Because I'm sort of confused by your reply.

What's your definition? Not being facetious, genuinely curious.

 

[Always-in-trouble]

None basically. Living in your own head all the time would drastically reduce what you will experience and relate to especially if you are not being truthful to others irl a lot of the time, My empathy feels fake in a sense because of that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It varies. It tends to depend what's going on in my head. If I'm worrying intensely about my own problems, I'll have less emotion/ focus left to give to others. If I'm more neutral or have not so many mind filling worries, I usually do feel empathetic towards others.

It also depends on the connection I have with the person. If I say, read a terrible life story here- I will feel bad for the person in that moment. If a friend texts me with their struggles- I'll be worrying about them for hours.

I suppose that's the other thing though. Empathetic people sound nice. (I wouldn't say I was the strongest empath. Just that I have a reasonable amount.) But- even with just that- I can feel overwhelmed. If I have shit going on and a friend repeatedly vents to me each day- I feel like I can't handle both. I have had to withdraw in the past because it had gotten too much.

I wonder how useful it is necessarily too. To have both people overwhelmed by their emotions- can either think all that clearly then?

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

What's your definition? Not being facetious, genuinely curious.

The criteria in the DSM-5-TR (with corrections from what few non-biased studies exist and also experiences of many sociopaths I know/knew). Sociopath isn't an adjective.

In fact, lacking empathy isn't a critera of ASPD. That's NPD. Lack of remorse is ASPD. Trust me when I say that you do not want to be "more sociopathic." It isn't sunshine and rainbows. There's an active thread by someone with ASPD discussing their struggles if you'd like a link.

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especially if you are not being truthful to others irl a lot of the time, My empathy feels fake in a sense because of that.

This is uncomfortably relatable...

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I wonder how useful it is necessarily too. To have both people overwhelmed by their emotions- can either think all that clearly then?

Affective Empathy is such a double edged sword. I don't usually consider it useful beyond forming extremely close bonds and/or helping people during mourning.

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Affective Empathy is flawed because, no matter what some "empaths" claim, it cannot make you read someone's mind. You are "feeling" what you PERCEIVE others to be feeling. So it definitely can get overwhelming and not be helpful at all at times. Especially if both people are pushovers. Relying on hyper-empathy breeds miscommunication.

 

[Arvayn]

Affective Empathy is flawed because, no matter what some "empaths" claim, it cannot make you read someone's mind. You are "feeling" what you PERCEIVE others to be feeling. So it definitely can get overwhelming and not be helpful at all at times. Especially if both people are pushovers. Relying on hyper-empathy breeds miscommunication.

Yes, exactly this. Thank you for putting it into words.
I am so tired of people who think that they're "really good at telling what other people are feeling", or that they can "read people", when in reality, they're just reacting to their emotional projection of the other person and letting themselves be convinced that it's right.
I've met people who never believed me when I told them the truth of the matter about how I'm feeling, or what I "meant" by some past words or a course of action I took, because they're too blinded by their empathy to the point they can only exist inside their own emotional world, and nothing else makes sense to them.

 

[FoxSauce]

I try to be as empathetic as I can. People ha a lot of inside battles but if you shitty and take pleasure in hurting others then theres little I have for that person.


Having to much empathy isnt a good thing either, speaking from personal experience.

 

[iwanttodie019]

I try to be as empathetic as I can. People ha a lot of inside battles but if you shitty and take pleasure in hurting others then theres little I have for that person.


Having to much empathy isnt a good thing either, speaking from personal experience.

do you believe too much empathy is debilitating?

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

I guess some people might say I have too much. I'm constantly upset by the things that are happening to others. I'm often angry on behalf of people who are ambivalent about the same situation. I feel that if I don't care deeply about other people and the issues that are happening in the world then I'd be a bad person. That's just my personal thoughts towards myself though.