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Samn77

Member
Jul 17, 2018
25
Like, straight up I just wanna know how bad it'll be if i decide to do it
 
Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
Like, straight up I just wanna know how bad it'll be if i decide to do it
It's definitely one of my options. I'm getting to the point of desperation and frustration at my stupid fears. I know it's what I want to do...and my fucking anxiety is screwing me up, making me feel trapped and that pisses me off. I have a brand new box of Blue Blade Double sideds...and I know it will hurt, but I think the rapid blood loss will put me into shock. I also have this gun...just shot it to test it...and my SN solution. If only I could get OVER the hump of fear. Ugh.
 
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binglebelle

binglebelle

Member
Sep 9, 2019
15
I've tried before. It hurt pretty bad lol.
 
Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
995
That's option has always sounded pretty painful to me..I always think of the pain of a paper cut ×10000000000= cutting wrists..not to mention scary since ur alert for a while n seeing so much of ur own blood....
 
Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
That's option has always sounded pretty painful to me..I always think of the pain of a paper cut ×10000000000= cutting wrists..not to mention scary since ur alert for a while n seeing so much of ur own blood....
I think it's something someone would do if they were really, really desperate, like against a wall and felt they had no other way out. You'd have to sort of snap, I think. It's been done many times...but it just seems like you'd almost have to be immune to pain by that time...or the pain of continuing would pale in comparison.
 
Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
995
I think it's something someone would do if they were really, really desperate, like against a wall and felt they had no other way out. You'd have to sort of snap, I think. It's been done many times...but it just seems like you'd almost have to be immune to pain by that time...or the pain of continuing would pale in comparison.
Yes true...
I would b afraid that I would get so freaked out n call for help..
 
HelensNepenthe

HelensNepenthe

Thoughtful poster
Jan 17, 2019
835
Surely pain is an issue but actually cutting deep and not getting a clot is something to be more worrisome over. It's why deaths from cutting are more prone to failure. Source: LostAllHope

Pain is subjective and there is no way of us completely answering this, anyway.
 
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Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
Yes true...
I would b afraid that I would get so freaked out n call for help..
Yes, and then your life would change in ways you would NOT want, for sure. I would NOT want that kind of attention. ❤️
 
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Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
Absolutely NOT!!

How r u feeling today, Love?
Not too bad. I posted a thread about firing the gun I have...that will give you an idea. A family member is threatening to come visit me soon and I can't have it. I cannot. They are expecting me to go on a road trip, and they have ZERO IDEA that this cannot ever happen. Therefore, I will CTB before this happens. I can't face it.
Absolutely NOT!!

How r u feeling today, Love?
I so appreciate the love you show. I look forward to seeing your comments. ❤️ ❤️
 
Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
995
Not too bad. I posted a thread about firing the gun I have...that will give you an idea. A family member is threatening to come visit me soon and I can't have it. I cannot. They are expecting me to go on a road trip, and they have ZERO IDEA that this cannot ever happen. Therefore, I will CTB before this happens. I can't face it.

I so appreciate the love you show. I look forward to seeing your comments. ❤️ ❤️
Awww thx ..No way! Y don't u just tell them that u don't wanna go! I have made a resolution this yr that I WILL NOT do anything that I song wanna do, just to make someone else "feel better"..Enough of that!!..Sorry for the rant..lol..so can u tell them no??
Awww thx ..No way! Y don't u just tell them that u don't wanna go! I have made a resolution this yr that I WILL NOT do anything that I song wanna do, just to make someone else "feel better"..Enough of that!!..Sorry for the rant..lol..so can u tell them no??
*don't
 
Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
Awww thx ..No way! Y don't u just tell them that u don't wanna go! I have made a resolution this yr that I WILL NOT do anything that I song wanna do, just to make someone else "feel better"..Enough of that!!..Sorry for the rant..lol..so can u tell them no??

*don't
I really can't. I'm just not that person. I'm too scared of arguing and confrontation, and they would practically demand explanation...and make me defend it, make me admit that it's unreasonable, etc. My whole life I've been manipulated this way. It's just too hard. I run from it. I'm a big wuss I wish I could.
 
Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
995
OK let me show u how..lol.."Im not feeling up to it, so no. I'm not going"..
End of story.
OK let me show u how..lol.."Im not feeling up to it, so no. I'm not going"..
End of story.
U have to start speaking up for yourself at some point, so Y not now when ur at the end of ur rope, so to speak..liberate yourself Love..
 
Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
OK let me show u how..lol.."Im not feeling up to it, so no. I'm not going"..
End of story.

U have to start speaking up for yourself at some point, so Y not now when ur at the end of ur rope, so to speak..liberate yourself Love..
Yes. If only it was as easy as saying it. :-)
 
Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
995
Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
Can u text it?? Or is there someone that can tell this person for u?

Wish I knew u. I would DEF tell them!!..lol

I HATE to b manipulated!
Oh, I could give you a run-down of how this almost always plays out...and why I try so hard to just be invisible and stay silent until the last minute. Confrontation scares the shit out of me. It's my own fault (I mean...by not changing), but the reason I am this way is because of how I was manipulated and abused years ago. It's a psychological thing...I run instead of dealing with things.

This is one of the reasons why this has to end. I am not willing to change, and I am also not willing to discuss with any of those people why or what's going on. It will just sound like mental illness, no matter what is said...and perhaps it even is, if you go by the DSM guides and all of that. But I'm not willing to do what it takes to change. It's too hard. I've tried before, and mostly what I've gotten is just better at hiding it, better at enduring the pain of doing things I don't want to do....and it's exhausting, emotionally and psychologically....and physically.

They just don't understand that I'm okay being the way I am. I've lived long enough and have done enough. I don't want to do anymore. I don't want to start over, turn over a new leaf, open a new chapter, open a new window or any other euphemism. Life just isn't for everybody. And my son keeps saying this is what I need: to get "out there" and "do more" and "get out of my comfort zone". No, no, no, no. What I want is just to be left alone.
 
Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,704
Yes. If only it was as easy as saying it. :-)

Truly: Put those words in an email or text and send it.

@Samn77, it hurts a lot and is almost never successful. I'm sorry you're contemplating suicide but please look through the resource compendium and find a better way.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/resource-compilation.3/
 
Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
995
Oh, I could give you a run-down of how this almost always plays out...and why I try so hard to just be invisible and stay silent until the last minute. Confrontation scares the shit out of me. It's my own fault (I mean...by not changing), but the reason I am this way is because of how I was manipulated and abused years ago. It's a psychological thing...I run instead of dealing with things.

This is one of the reasons why this has to end. I am not willing to change, and I am also not willing to discuss with any of those people why or what's going on. It will just sound like mental illness, no matter what is said...and perhaps it even is, if you go by the DSM guides and all of that. But I'm not willing to do what it takes to change. It's too hard. I've tried before, and mostly what I've gotten is just better at hiding it, better at enduring the pain of doing things I don't want to do....and it's exhausting, emotionally and psychologically....and physically.

They just don't understand that I'm okay being the way I am. I've lived long enough and have done enough. I don't want to do anymore. I don't want to start over, turn over a new leaf, open a new chapter, open a new window or any other euphemism. Life just isn't for everybody. And my son keeps saying this is what I need: to get "out there" and "do more" and "get out of my comfort zone". No, no, no, no. What I want is just to be left alone.
I hate what they're putting u thru
 
avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
1,358
From what I understand, you have to cut very deep, like through layers of muscle tissue deep and fairly long for it to be effective enough. Now, combine that with the fact that all those nerve endings will be exposed to the open air and yeah, imagine it would hurt like hell.
 
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511115

511115

_.__-_.__
Jan 4, 2019
45
Imo, wrist slitting hurts the least. Dying is what is painful.

When I was running out of blood, it meant my body no longer had a way to carry oxygen throughout my body. I developed lactic acidosis, which is when lactic acid builds up when there's not enough oxygen in the muscles.

Everything was painful, my entire body hurt all over. I tried sitting up, laying down, leaning, no matter what my entire body hurt all over, and I was so weak from blood loss I just felt sickly and ill. I was nauseous from rapid blood loss, I was too weak to lean over the toilet, so I was fighting the urge to vomit all over myself.

On top of everything, lack of blood = lack of oxygen = unable to breathe properly. I was literally panting for air. I could not get a full breath.

Combine the full body pain + unable to breathe, I panicked and self rescued.

By the time the police broke down the door, I could not move, I could not speak. All of my energy was focused on getting a breath, all of my attention was focused on how much I hurt. I just wanted the pain to stop.

I would only consider this method again because I didn't know how close to death I was. At the time, I thought I would be in extreme pain for hours. In reality, 30min more probably would have killed me. So yeah, it is VERY painful. But now I know how long I need to endure the pain, vs imagining endless suffering.
 
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Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
I hate what they're putting u thru
Thank you, sweetheart. I hope it's okay if I say that. Interestingly, I perfectly understand why they do this...our culture is geared this way. We automatically view this kind of personal dysfunction as "broken" and "damaged" and in need of being fixed. I have a masters degree in education, so I can even spout this bullshit myself haha. But what people often don't realize is that having the knowledge of something is nowhere near having a way to make it better or solve it. I understand that I have serious deficiencies in my ability to connect with real life people. I know why I have an almost total lack of trust or interest in getting close to others. I know why...but that doesn't make it go away. Knowledge is sometimes power, but not always.

Knowing that I'm on fire doesn't make the flames burn any cooler.

I tried years ago to get to the fixing place for me. People close to me saw that I needed help and some even tried. The problem always has been that sometimes things are too broken to fix them. You just have to accept them the way they are, keep them running long enough not to simply explode and hurt someone else....and wait for them to wind down. I am gladly at the winding down phase. The world will go on perfectly fine without me, just as it did for the billions of years before I was born. I'm not even sad about it. Not really. I probably would be if there were more things I wanted to accomplish. There just isn't. And sitting around waiting to die is getting very tiresome.

What does make me sad is knowing that living is just not for everybody, and for those people, there is little understanding. Why do some people get born just to live lives filled with curse after curse after curse? No reason. It just is. Some people take those curses and turn them into opportunities, and for much of my life that is what I did. I became a teacher, I've touched many lives, and I feel wonderful about the job I did. I could still do it for many more years if I had the desire. But too much has gone wrong in the past 3 years to come back. It will be a relief to just...wink out.

Just...not today. ❤️ Thanks for listening. You're a gem.
I hate what they're putting u thru
Thank you, sweetheart. I hope it's okay if I say that. Interestingly, I perfectly understand why they do this...our culture is geared this way. We automatically view this kind of personal dysfunction as "broken" and "damaged" and in need of being fixed. I have a masters degree in education, so I can even spout this bullshit myself haha. But what people often don't realize is that having the knowledge of something is nowhere near having a way to make it better or solve it. I understand that I have serious deficiencies in my ability to connect with real life people. I know why I have an almost total lack of trust or interest in getting close to others. I know why...but that doesn't make it go away. Knowledge is sometimes power, but not always.

Knowing that I'm on fire doesn't make the flames burn any cooler.

I tried years ago to get to the fixing place for me. People close to me saw that I needed help and some even tried. The problem always has been that sometimes things are too broken to fix them. You just have to accept them the way they are, keep them running long enough not to simply explode and hurt someone else....and wait for them to wind down. I am gladly at the winding down phase. The world will go on perfectly fine without me, just as it did for the billions of years before I was born. I'm not even sad about it. Not really. I probably would be if there were more things I wanted to accomplish. There just isn't. And sitting around waiting to die is getting very tiresome.

What does make me sad is knowing that living is just not for everybody, and for those people, there is little understanding. Why do some people get born just to live lives filled with curse after curse after curse? No reason. It just is. Some people take those curses and turn them into opportunities, and for much of my life that is what I did. I became a teacher, I've touched many lives, and I feel wonderful about the job I did. I could still do it for many more years if I had the desire. But too much has gone wrong in the past 3 years to come back. It will be a relief to just...wink out.

Just...not today. ❤️ Thanks for listening. You're a gem.
Imo, wrist slitting hurts the least. Dying is what is painful.

When I was running out of blood, it meant my body no longer had a way to carry oxygen throughout my body. I developed lactic acidosis, which is when lactic acid builds up when there's not enough oxygen in the muscles.

Everything was painful, my entire body hurt all over. I tried sitting up, laying down, leaning, no matter what my entire body hurt all over, and I was so weak from blood loss I just felt sickly and ill. I was nauseous from rapid blood loss, I was too weak to lean over the toilet, so I was fighting the urge to vomit all over myself.

On top of everything, lack of blood = lack of oxygen = unable to breathe properly. I was literally panting for air. I could not get a full breath.

Combine the full body pain + unable to breathe, I panicked and self rescued.

By the time the police broke down the door, I could not move, I could not speak. All of my energy was focused on getting a breath, all of my attention was focused on how much I hurt. I just wanted the pain to stop.

I would only consider this method again because I didn't know how close to death I was. At the time, I thought I would be in extreme pain for hours. In reality, 30min more probably would have killed me. So yeah, it is VERY painful. But now I know how long I need to endure the pain, vs imagining endless suffering.

Wow. Thank you for this very honest and detailed explanation and experience. Now I know that this method would be effective, but would also not be peaceful or pleasant. I still think I would do it, if I were desperate enough...but I wouldn't have guessed about the discomfort of body pains and oxygen deprivation.
 
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Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
995
Thank you, sweetheart. I hope it's okay if I say that. Interestingly, I perfectly understand why they do this...our culture is geared this way. We automatically view this kind of personal dysfunction as "broken" and "damaged" and in need of being fixed. I have a masters degree in education, so I can even spout this bullshit myself haha. But what people often don't realize is that having the knowledge of something is nowhere near having a way to make it better or solve it. I understand that I have serious deficiencies in my ability to connect with real life people. I know why I have an almost total lack of trust or interest in getting close to others. I know why...but that doesn't make it go away. Knowledge is sometimes power, but not always.

Knowing that I'm on fire doesn't make the flames burn any cooler.

I tried years ago to get to the fixing place for me. People close to me saw that I needed help and some even tried. The problem always has been that sometimes things are too broken to fix them. You just have to accept them the way they are, keep them running long enough not to simply explode and hurt someone else....and wait for them to wind down. I am gladly at the winding down phase. The world will go on perfectly fine without me, just as it did for the billions of years before I was born. I'm not even sad about it. Not really. I probably would be if there were more things I wanted to accomplish. There just isn't. And sitting around waiting to die is getting very tiresome.

What does make me sad is knowing that living is just not for everybody, and for those people, there is little understanding. Why do some people get born just to live lives filled with curse after curse after curse? No reason. It just is. Some people take those curses and turn them into opportunities, and for much of my life that is what I did. I became a teacher, I've touched many lives, and I feel wonderful about the job I did. I could still do it for many more years if I had the desire. But too much has gone wrong in the past 3 years to come back. It will be a relief to just...wink out.

Just...not today. ❤ Thanks for listening. You're a gem.

Thank you, sweetheart. I hope it's okay if I say that. Interestingly, I perfectly understand why they do this...our culture is geared this way. We automatically view this kind of personal dysfunction as "broken" and "damaged" and in need of being fixed. I have a masters degree in education, so I can even spout this bullshit myself haha. But what people often don't realize is that having the knowledge of something is nowhere near having a way to make it better or solve it. I understand that I have serious deficiencies in my ability to connect with real life people. I know why I have an almost total lack of trust or interest in getting close to others. I know why...but that doesn't make it go away. Knowledge is sometimes power, but not always.

Knowing that I'm on fire doesn't make the flames burn any cooler.

I tried years ago to get to the fixing place for me. People close to me saw that I needed help and some even tried. The problem always has been that sometimes things are too broken to fix them. You just have to accept them the way they are, keep them running long enough not to simply explode and hurt someone else....and wait for them to wind down. I am gladly at the winding down phase. The world will go on perfectly fine without me, just as it did for the billions of years before I was born. I'm not even sad about it. Not really. I probably would be if there were more things I wanted to accomplish. There just isn't. And sitting around waiting to die is getting very tiresome.

What does make me sad is knowing that living is just not for everybody, and for those people, there is little understanding. Why do some people get born just to live lives filled with curse after curse after curse? No reason. It just is. Some people take those curses and turn them into opportunities, and for much of my life that is what I did. I became a teacher, I've touched many lives, and I feel wonderful about the job I did. I could still do it for many more years if I had the desire. But too much has gone wrong in the past 3 years to come back. It will be a relief to just...wink out.

Just...not today. ❤ Thanks for listening. You're a gem.


Wow. Thank you for this very honest and detailed explanation and experience. Now I know that this method would be effective, but would also not be peaceful or pleasant. I still think I would do it, if I were desperate enough...but I wouldn't have guessed about the discomfort of body pains and oxygen deprivation.
Of course u can call me Sweetheart!:happy:..Yes I understand that after yrs of trauma n disappointment, u just become used to n sadly accept it..yup, I get it..But then, sometimes, as in my case maybe lately, something in me just knows that there is better n I kinda wanna see it..it just WON'T come ez n I have to fight like hell to remain alive to get it.Unfortunately..not sure how long this will last cuz I have Def hit rock bottom in the past few months to depths I have never seen myself in all my life..so it's a constant battle for me..I sometimes feel like I'm gonna miss something good if I tap out now..lol
Imo, wrist slitting hurts the least. Dying is what is painful.

When I was running out of blood, it meant my body no longer had a way to carry oxygen throughout my body. I developed lactic acidosis, which is when lactic acid builds up when there's not enough oxygen in the muscles.

Everything was painful, my entire body hurt all over. I tried sitting up, laying down, leaning, no matter what my entire body hurt all over, and I was so weak from blood loss I just felt sickly and ill. I was nauseous from rapid blood loss, I was too weak to lean over the toilet, so I was fighting the urge to vomit all over myself.

On top of everything, lack of blood = lack of oxygen = unable to breathe properly. I was literally panting for air. I could not get a full breath.

Combine the full body pain + unable to breathe, I panicked and self rescued.

By the time the police broke down the door, I could not move, I could not speak. All of my energy was focused on getting a breath, all of my attention was focused on how much I hurt. I just wanted the pain to stop.

I would only consider this method again because I didn't know how close to death I was. At the time, I thought I would be in extreme pain for hours. In reality, 30min more probably would have killed me. So yeah, it is VERY painful. But now I know how long I need to endure the pain, vs imagining endless suffering.
That sounds so horrible n so sorry u experienced that! Ty cuz I never would have imagined that that is what the person goes thru in the last few min with that method..just wow.:notsure:
 
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Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
Of course u can call me Sweetheart!:happy:..Yes I understand that after yrs of trauma n disappointment, u just become used to n sadly accept it..yup, I get it..But then, sometimes, as in my case maybe lately, something in me just knows that there is better n I kinda wanna see it..it just WON'T come ez n I have to fight like hell to remain alive to get it.Unfortunately..not sure how long this will last cuz I have Def hit rock bottom in the past few months to depths I have never seen myself in all my life..so it's a constant battle for me..I sometimes feel like I'm gonna miss something good if I tap out now..lol

To be honest...me, too. I also always seem to find one more thing to amuse me. Today it was...JoJo Rabbit, that film. Just released on iTunes and I watched it today. Delightful film. Such a great message. I love good films. And good books. We'll see what tomorrow brings. :-)
 
I

Its time its time

Student
Apr 7, 2019
147
Unlike in the movies. You got to cut upwards and not sideways. And to hit the right artery - you must cut deep enough (almost to the bone). So it's extremely extremely painful. And when the blood and mess starts - you got to be really committed not to call the paramedics on yourself.
 
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Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
995
Love it!..Sometimes it's just the simple things in life! I love to read just don't get much time to do so cuz too much reading for school..I will b reading a book a just got yest tho written by the young couple who we bought our house from.her 20 y.o.daughter battled depression all her life n in 2015 she hung herself..so her book is about the devastation in that loss.makes me think of my mom n how she would handle if I were to ctb..I have already lost 2 siblings both when they were 26.one to car accident n other to murder..she would lose her mind cuz I'm the baby..
 
Amossoma543

Amossoma543

Student
Jan 31, 2020
116
Love it!..Sometimes it's just the simple things in life! I love to read just don't get much time to do so cuz too much reading for school..I will b reading a book a just got yest tho written by the young couple who we bought our house from.her 20 y.o.daughter battled depression all her life n in 2015 she hung herself..so her book is about the devastation in that loss.makes me think of my mom n how she would handle if I were to ctb..I have already lost 2 siblings both when they were 26.one to car accident n other to murder..she would lose her mind cuz I'm the baby..
Oh, dear. I'm so sorry to hear of that tremendous loss. Yes, I can see why you care about hurting your parents further. If my mother were alive, I'd not be considering this at all.
 
Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
995
Yes but when it gets too painful, sometimes u can't even think straight to even consider how it will affect anyone..even worse if u have no one around..life..
 

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