Due to my illness my friendship with my best friends has become way deeper. We also talk about embarassing topics without hesitation. I had an honest talk with my best friend once about talking to oneself. And it does not happen that seldom. We both agreed to make sometimes funny/weird/embarassing sounds/noises. Just without a real reason. Maybe for fun or just for a short entertainment.
I emphasize he is not mentally ill. I could imagine it is kind of normal. Tell me about it. It would be interesting to observe people who don't know it how they behave when they feel unwatched. On the other side this would be very voyeuristic, I prefer just to ask you openly about it.
I could imagine many people tend to weird behavior. Not all the time but more than other people imagine.
I talk a lot to myself. But I think this also stems from my psychosis. The topics I think about are kind of insane. Maybe kind of literally. Not sure whether I am fully sane. I talk to myself especially about thoughts which are always in my mind. To articulate them can be sometimes relieving. This is why I think writing in this forum is kind of therapeutical for me. I think it is healthier not to talk only to oneself.
When I talk to myself I often talk about suicide. How desperate I am am and I even make jokes about it. I think it is one way to cope. I am often reminded about cringey situations I was confronted with also due to my psychosis. I am dying a thousand deaths when I think about it. But I think other people made worse things. And most people don't care about that, people who laugh about delusional people are garbage. Most people probably have forgotten about the most stuff I did.
I sometimes do politicially incorrect jokes when I am alone. Not sure why. I had this time period as a teenager when I was very obsessed by politically incorrect jokes. I was manic and many manic people do crazy stuff. Many are quite provocative. It is true I feel a little manic. Maybe there is a correlation between my manic symptoms and being politically incorrect. I also was interested in censorship when I was a teenager. Most of these politically incorrect jokes I don't tell anyone. I think some of them are kind of offensive and morally not right. But there is the allure because they are forbidden. Maybe I am a hypocrite. Probably it is a bad habit. And I use my illness as an excuse. I honestly don't know exactly why I make these jokes.
I also watched some TV shows which were politically incorrect. Recently I am thinking to re-watch one. I found it always so funny as teenager. But on the other side I have stopped my support of some politically incorrect Youtubers. Yeah I feel kind of embarassed when I watch their shit now. It has no standard and is not funny in my opinion. I think even concerning politically incorrect jokes there are some with a certain standard and some are just too dull.
Maybe this is kind off-topic. But it also part of my behavior when I am alone. Maybe I tend to extreme behaviors because I feel so overstrained with my nightmarish life and I tend to stupid jokes to cope with my insane life. I think there could be some truth in this. Everything seems to be so surreal when you experience my daily struggle.
I emphasize he is not mentally ill. I could imagine it is kind of normal. Tell me about it. It would be interesting to observe people who don't know it how they behave when they feel unwatched. On the other side this would be very voyeuristic, I prefer just to ask you openly about it.
I could imagine many people tend to weird behavior. Not all the time but more than other people imagine.
I talk a lot to myself. But I think this also stems from my psychosis. The topics I think about are kind of insane. Maybe kind of literally. Not sure whether I am fully sane. I talk to myself especially about thoughts which are always in my mind. To articulate them can be sometimes relieving. This is why I think writing in this forum is kind of therapeutical for me. I think it is healthier not to talk only to oneself.
When I talk to myself I often talk about suicide. How desperate I am am and I even make jokes about it. I think it is one way to cope. I am often reminded about cringey situations I was confronted with also due to my psychosis. I am dying a thousand deaths when I think about it. But I think other people made worse things. And most people don't care about that, people who laugh about delusional people are garbage. Most people probably have forgotten about the most stuff I did.
I sometimes do politicially incorrect jokes when I am alone. Not sure why. I had this time period as a teenager when I was very obsessed by politically incorrect jokes. I was manic and many manic people do crazy stuff. Many are quite provocative. It is true I feel a little manic. Maybe there is a correlation between my manic symptoms and being politically incorrect. I also was interested in censorship when I was a teenager. Most of these politically incorrect jokes I don't tell anyone. I think some of them are kind of offensive and morally not right. But there is the allure because they are forbidden. Maybe I am a hypocrite. Probably it is a bad habit. And I use my illness as an excuse. I honestly don't know exactly why I make these jokes.
I also watched some TV shows which were politically incorrect. Recently I am thinking to re-watch one. I found it always so funny as teenager. But on the other side I have stopped my support of some politically incorrect Youtubers. Yeah I feel kind of embarassed when I watch their shit now. It has no standard and is not funny in my opinion. I think even concerning politically incorrect jokes there are some with a certain standard and some are just too dull.
Maybe this is kind off-topic. But it also part of my behavior when I am alone. Maybe I tend to extreme behaviors because I feel so overstrained with my nightmarish life and I tend to stupid jokes to cope with my insane life. I think there could be some truth in this. Everything seems to be so surreal when you experience my daily struggle.
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