Discussion How much do you lie about CTB to your family/friends?

[WornOutLife]

Lies! I used to tell only white lies but as my CTB intentions started to be more frequent, I began to lie more and even fake my personality.
I was an actor who had been able to get a nice job, girlfriend, car, gaming pc, was slim, etc.

Then, depression kicked "my lies" ass and I ended up becoming a NEET and prisoner in my parents house due to not being able to CTB properly.

About half a year later of treatment, I was being allowed to be alone in my apartment one or two days a week but TODAY...after my WORST CHRISTMAS EVER, it seems my parents, therapist and psychiatrist realized that I need to live alone and there's no other choice because otherwise, I'll go mad and end up in a psych ward.

I'm extremely happy because I won't be monitored 24/7 but I'm also sad. Why? Because I had to lie. I'm more suicidal than ever! There was a time during my treatment in which I really wanted to get over my mental issues and try living. However, I had LOTS OF TIME TO THINK and my only conclusion is: "Man, I really wanna die..."

Anyway, this was my plan all along, I know how to lie and gain people's trust but still, I got my freedom sooner than I expected.

My plan now is to enjoy this lolineless and work a little so as not to arouse suspicions. I know I'll receive "unexpected visits and calls". I'll just hang on there and get lots of booze. (like today! Gonna get drunk AF in a few hours)

It's a crying shame that lies are the only way we can be free, or, is there any other way? Can you be really honest about CTB to your parents, friends, girlfriend/boyfriend? Why must suicide be such a taboo?

Anyway, I really needed to vent and know about your experiences.

Thanks a bunch for reading me. You're the only people left for me because I've isolated myself from the world (just gonna see some of my students online I guess lol)

Let's enjoy our last moments together! In my case it'll be some months so, you'll have to cope with me and my posts a bit longer lol.

 

[TAW122]

I can relate to what you say to a degree. It is sad that the topic of suicide and right to die is very taboo in society that even mentioning it already raises red flags and suspicions to the NPCs of society (the normies and masses). Indeed, it sucks to have to lie just to be able to 'free' and having to keep things down as talking, hinting, or admitting (the worst of all) to suicidality is like a scarlet letter or heresy in the eyes of a prohibitionist, pro-life anti-choice society. I too wished I did not have to lie, keep quiet and hide suicidality like that of a criminal or shady person just to avoid consequences. Until the right to die is legalized, normalized and accepted in society as a universal human right and personal choice, in the present day, we must still remain vigilant and careful around such topics.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate to what you say to a degree. It is sad that the topic of suicide and right to die is very taboo in society that even mentioning it already raises red flags and suspicions to the NPCs of society (the normies and masses). Indeed, it sucks to have to lie just to be able to 'free' and having to keep things down as talking, hinting, or admitting (the worst of all) to suicidality is like a scarlet letter or heresy in the eyes of a prohibitionist, pro-life anti-choice society. I too wished I did not have to lie, keep quiet and hide suicidality like that of a criminal or shady person just to avoid consequences. Until the right to die is legalized, normalized and accepted in society as a universal human right and personal choice, in the present day, we must still remain vigilant and careful around such topics.

I totally agree with you! Thanks for your answer.
Also, DAMN NPCs! They make things worse.

And the problem is that most therapists are NPCs. I feel as if I were talking to a wall or maybe a being who will only think of "psych ward" if I mention CTB lol

 

[demuic]

I do not lie to my mother or my best friend and they are the only people who care about me enough and who I care about to let know that information.

Though to my mom I only say things like "I don't want to be alive," and going into things which personally make my life hell to live, I don't talk about my viewpoints which make me unable to live in this world.

My mom is not the type to push me to do anything like go in the psych ward or therapy so long as I continue to do my daily routines of rotting away in my room playing video games and browsing the internet.

 

[WornOutLife]

I do not lie to my mother or my best friend and they are the only people who care about me enough and who I care about to let know that information.

Though to my mom I only say things like "I don't want to be alive," and going into things which personally make my life hell to live, I don't talk about my viewpoints which make me unable to live in this world.

My mom is not the type to push me to do anything like go in the psych ward or therapy so long as I continue to do my daily routines of rotting away in my room playing video games and browsing the internet.

Your mother sounds awesome! My dad is like that too. I guess we're lucky in that.
I'm glad you can share at least "some" of your real thoughts with somebody.

Hugs and love.

 

[UiopQwerty]

Ive told my ex a while a ago. And I think a friend when I was drunk with her at the pub... Heh!

 

[WornOutLife]

Ive told my ex a while a ago. And I think a friend when I was drunk with her at the pub... Heh!

Lol I did the same.

 

[UiopQwerty]

Roflmao!
Shes said that she wasnt surprised. But I should think carefully...

 

[SirChuxAlot]

I've never been the one to disclose a lot of information of how I am feeling or thinking, that aside, I have "joked" about suicide or made comments but no one takes it seriously. I'd plan to be alone anyways when I CTB, better for everyone, it's whether I should bother leaving a note, as if anyone would actually care.

 

[Fehler]

It's a crying shame that lies are the only way we can be free, or, is there any other way? Can you be really honest about CTB to your parents, friends, girlfriend/boyfriend? Why must suicide be such a taboo?

I would love to be able to tell my mother and more if she accepts it; but that would only lead to me being locked up. I have managed so that there is no suspicion, the fact of being introverted and shy helps them not to suspect when you are down.
Once I lost my nerves and unconsciously threw hints about suicide, I don't know if they were cries for help from the subconscious but the fact is that it was taken as a "nervous outburst".

 

[WornOutLife]

I would love to be able to tell my mother and more if she accepts it; but that would only lead to me being locked up. I have managed so that there is no suspicion, the fact of being introverted and shy helps them not to suspect when you are down.
Once I lost my nerves and unconsciously threw hints about suicide, I don't know if they were cries for help from the subconscious but the fact is that it was taken as a "nervous outburst".

Oh dear, I've had times in which I threw hints too. Sometimes we just get fed up with everything and can't hide it anymore.

I hope we can find peace soon. We deserve it so much!

 

[Kat!]

every single dayyyy

 

[Nymph]

ive told my mom about my ctb thoughts and basically most stuff thats going on in my head. i cant tell my dad anything because he has mental issues and basically if he knew what was going on with me he probably wouldnt be able to work cause it would consume him. i got all of the mental issues from his side. cant really tell much to my friends, i only have 2 and they seem really positive so i dont wanna come in and ruin everything. ive been pretty distant from there cause i dont like being with ppl anyways.

 

[WornOutLife]

ive told my mom about my ctb thoughts and basically most stuff thats going on in my head. i cant tell my dad anything because he has mental issues and basically if he knew what was going on with me he probably wouldnt be able to work cause it would consume him. i got all of the mental issues from his side. cant really tell much to my friends, i only have 2 and they seem really positive so i dont wanna come in and ruin everything. ive been pretty distant from there cause i dont like being with ppl anyways.

Oh dear! I'm in a similar situation but I can only talk to my father.
As for my friends, I put them away. Don't want anybody close during this crisis I'm going through. I think the main problem is that I know they will try to help me but they're just so... "pro-lifers and life is precious believers" that I can't stand them.

 

[Nymph]

Oh dear! I'm in a similar situation but I can only talk to my father.
As for my friends, I put them away. Don't want anybody close during this crisis I'm going through. I think the main problem is that I know they will try to help me but they're just so... "pro-lifers and life is precious believers" that I can't stand them.

yeah same, it sucks but its not like they will say: oh okay, ctb is cool. lol if its not someone whos in the same situation then theyre just gonna say pro life bs

 

[EmptyManForever]

My parents know I'm suicidal and when I told them about my first attempt they really understood my pain , they understood how fed up I was and after that they have been really supportive in all ways, maybe cuz they are scared to loose me , oh and where I live suicide is not much of a taboo , if you talk about it with someone the worst thing that could happen is that person would bring religion to it and say something like you will end up in hell if you suicide or you might be born in a bad place next life or something like that, once I told one of my teachers that I wanna suicide and she said to go ahead and do it, she told me to jump off the building we were in, obviously she was been sarcastic but that's what happens here

 

[Adamsnolife]

Thankfully my family doesn't know anything about me wanting to ctb. Even though it's very rare I speak to them it's as Normal as it can be. The longer that stays like that the better.

 

[Deleted member 15256]

My family knows now.
At least when it happens they will know. My reasons, that it's not their fault, that they need to be there for my son.
They will suffer, but eventually everyone moves on

 

[sourpink]

I'm open about having several attempts under my belt.
.... I lie my ass off about how well I'm currently doing, because I would like success this time round that track.

 

[Kramer]

It's not a topic that ever comes up

 

[BlackCatTalk]

aww sweetie, I act like a normie most of the time, although sometimes if I give way to the emptiness to creep in and show itself, but then I act like a normie jerk again

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I have been beyond honest with my family. I'm in my 40's and they live at my house other wise I am not sure I would have made it past Christmas. They can't admit me no where takes my insurance. I wanted my mom ready for it I was afraid for her health if she wasn't prepared.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

I have a parent and my SO that I talk to. I cut back a lot because I'm too much for them otherwise. I lie for each attempt though, I don't want to be stopped or have them arrested and given serious charges for not stopping me. I just wish I could say goodbye when the time comes, it's devastating

 

[Deleted member 23885]

I have to hide it 24/7, can't even bring up depression in front of my family. I eventually plan to ctb in America by gunshot- if everything goes to plan.

 

[WaitingForTheBusInTh]

I was honest with my roommate, made her cry. She was understanding enough to not tell anyone because she knows how bad the nearest psych ward was for me.
For the most part I keep up the charade, especially at work, but I find myself starting to drop hints.
Like I was talking to the older part timer and said I dont know how he could work at the same job for over 10 years when I cant see myself making it through the next six months (wink wink).
Or how my mom was saying that shes been seeing a lot more cases of alchohol poisoning (including at lethal levels) at the hospital she works at lately and I said with everything as god awful as it is everywhere, I'm not surprised she hasn't had more people from failed suicides (wink wink).
It's not exactly conscious, but it's not an entirely unconscious thing either.
At the same time I keep talking about wanting to go to Japan in October if everything opens up, but I kind of dont want it to be totally out of left field when I go.

 

[Taki]

Why on earth would I tell anyone? To make them uncomfortable or come across as some pathetic attention-seeker? It's my problem and no one else's.

 

[stygal]

I told two of my exes about not wanting to live with my physical conditions for much longer and immediately regretted it.
It was not helpful or freeing at all to tell them. Instead they got mad and insisted to talk to me until I retracted my statements.
I'm thankful that I split up both times and they probably forgot about it all by now.
I never again going to tell anybody(outside of this community).

 

[Raindryer]

I would never tell my family about it. They'll find out when I do it, but not any sooner.
I did tell my best friend though, so it won't be that much of a surprise to him when I'm going to message him about attempting. Maybe that was a mistake, I don't know. He seems to have taken it well.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I do not have friends; I do have some family though, but they do not get told anything because I like keeping things to myself - plus they would not understand.