How much do you care what other people think of you in this forum?

[noname223]

I have read some are ashamed for old cringy postings. I don't really feel that way. For the moment I feel quite anonymous. And I have not posted that embarrassing stuff. Many of us have the feeling of being a loser and I am just one more. Maybe a bigger loser than other people but this is not that bad. At least I can reflect on that.

In real life I am pretty much obsessed what other people think about me. This is way better in this forum. Sometimes I am still paranoid that some people could think of me as pro-life, pro-death or that I had in general bad intentions.

I try to be nuanced. Here and there an unpopular opinion to question my or other people's beliefs. I could do more of that but I am kind of scared to make me too many enemies in this forum. I need this forum to vent and cope. I think having arguments daily on here would not be that healthy for me.
Maybe I have become to adapted to this community. I don't know. It is such a long time ago I have joined. It has influenced my worldview. Seeing so much misery, suffering and pain shapes one's worldview.

I could do more posts about heated topics. Cultural and economic stuff. But it is probably people not healthy for this forum to fight these arguments all the time. Still I am believing in some rights which I consider as human rights. Maybe I am just too much of a coward to defend them. I do it sometimes but maybe not enough.

Because we are all very much pro-choice we might develop a group think that this worldview must be correct. (Tbh I think it is correct.) Though I sometimes try to listen to the arguments of anti-choice people. I am kind of tired but I do it. On the other side there are way more grey areas than just pro- or anti-choice. With many members I have differences in the one or the other direction. It is interesting to read the opinions of other people. Though I sometimes disagree a lot.

I am not sure where I put my scale on how much I care about the opinions of others in this forum. In real life I am extremely obsessed by it. It is more chilling here on the internet. I think I often show my vulnerabilites on here. Maybe more than others. On the other side I am kind of scared to get excluded of the group. I am kind of dependent of this side. Maybe this is a reason why I am not sharing all my unpopular opnions on a daily basis.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I don't care at all.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I both care and don't really care. I only care in the sense that if people were more obvious about their dislike of me I'd probably feel bad but on the other hand I know for sure that there have got to be people on this forum who definitely dislike me (even if they're just lurkers who've never interacted with me or FT26 spies). In terms of genuine users, I don't care enough to keep track of which ones might like me but I suspect there probably are some who still hate me because I'm one of the users who hates me.

Ultimately I don't actually care as long as I can continue to access this forum and eventually die by my own hands later this year.

 

[darkdivine]

I have read some are ashamed for old cringy postings. I don't really feel that way. For the moment I feel quite anonymous. And I have not posted that embarrassing stuff. Many of us have the feeling of being a loser and I am just one more. Maybe a bigger loser than other people but this is not that bad. At least I can reflect on that.

In real life I am pretty much obsessed what other people think about me. This is way better in this forum. Sometimes I am still paranoid that some people could think of me as pro-life, pro-death or that I had in general bad intentions.

I try to be nuanced. Here and there an unpopular opinion to question my or other people's beliefs. I could do more of that but I am kind of scared to make me too many enemies in this forum. I need this forum to vent and cope. I think having arguments daily on here would not be that healthy for me.
Maybe I have become to adapted to this community. I don't know. It is such a long time ago I have joined. It has influenced my worldview. Seeing so much misery, suffering and pain shapes one's worldview.

I could do more posts about heated topics. Cultural and economic stuff. But it is probably people not healthy for this forum to fight these arguments all the time. Still I am believing in some rights which I consider as human rights. Maybe I am just too much of a coward to defend them. I do it sometimes but maybe not enough.

Because we are all very much pro-choice we might develop a group think that this worldview must be correct. (Tbh I think it is correct.) Though I sometimes try to listen to the arguments of anti-choice people. I am kind of tired but I do it. On the other side there are way more grey areas than just pro- or anti-choice. With many members I have differences in the one or the other direction. It is interesting to read the opinions of other people. Though I sometimes disagree a lot.

I am not sure where I put my scale on how much I care about the opinions of others in this forum. In real life I am extremely obsessed by it. It is more chilling here on the internet. I think I often show my vulnerabilites on here. Maybe more than others. On the other side I am kind of scared to get excluded of the group. I am kind of dependent of this side. Maybe this is a reason why I am not sharing all my unpopular opnions on a daily basis.

I always care, regardless. Even if I know the person doesn't know me and/or will never see me again, but I also have social anxiety disorder.

 

[Chinaski]

In real life I am pretty much obsessed what other people think about me. This is way better in this forum. Sometimes I am still paranoid that some people could think of me as pro-life, pro-death or that I had in general bad intentions.

I try to be nuanced. Here and there an unpopular opinion to question my or other people's beliefs. I could do more of that but I am kind of scared to make me too many enemies in this forum. I need this forum to vent and cope. I think having arguments daily on here would not be that healthy for me.
Maybe I have become to adapted to this community. I don't know. It is such a long time ago I have joined. It has influenced my worldview. Seeing so much misery, suffering and pain shapes one's worldview.

I could do more posts about heated topics. Cultural and economic stuff. But it is probably people not healthy for this forum to fight these arguments all the time. Still I am believing in some rights which I consider as human rights. Maybe I am just too much of a coward to defend them. I do it sometimes but maybe not enough.

Because we are all very much pro-choice we might develop a group think that this worldview must be correct. (Tbh I think it is correct.) Though I sometimes try to listen to the arguments of anti-choice people. I am kind of tired but I do it. On the other side there are way more grey areas than just pro- or anti-choice. With many members I have differences in the one or the other direction. It is interesting to read the opinions of other people. Though I sometimes disagree a lot.

I am not sure where I put my scale on how much I care about the opinions of others in this forum. In real life I am extremely obsessed by it. It is more chilling here on the internet. I think I often show my vulnerabilites on here. Maybe more than others. On the other side I am kind of scared to get excluded of the group. I am kind of dependent of this side. Maybe this is a reason why I am not sharing all my unpopular opnions on a daily basis.

One thing I've noticed about this forum as it's evolved is that there is a significant increase in discussion around "Pro choice" and a lot less around actual suicide, compared to how it was when l was previously a member. Often this does come across like some weird inquisition, a kind of EXACTLY HOW PRO-CHOICE ARE YOU litmus test, an assessment each member is expected to pass or face exile - it could be that this is a result of the scrutiny of the site by people who want it closed, but it often seems to be taken up with a playground-mentality enthusiasm, and it's probably not great for some members to feel intimidated by the possibility of attaining an insufficient score on the pro-choice-ometer. Also it's often pretty fucking tedious imho.

Anyway, @noname223 l don't think you've reason to worry about being disliked on here, there are many people on here who get "liked" very quickly, there's a standard love bombing routine that plays out often, hugs will follow. If you wanted to be liked so much it could be achieved on those dishonest terms, but you seem genuine enough and l wouldnt worry about falling out with the odd person on here if you're genuine in what you're discussing.

 

[motel rooms]

Nobody's universally liked. I probably care more than I should.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not know people on this forum at all, I just post to pass the time. Why would the opinion of a stranger on the internet ever matter. I could not care less what people think. This is just an online forum, it is not really a big deal.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I wouldn't say I care that people like me, but I do get frustrated because I have a really hard time putting my thoughts into text. I can't participate in discussions to the extent that I want to.

 

[Sherri]

Besides our differences I consider all the members of SS my brothers and sisters online, if someone doesn't like me it's ok With me. I know I never harmed or was rude to anyone since day one. Even offered my house to someone across the world I was closed to here that, was about to get evicted. Don't do any of that to be liked, it's just who I am.

 

[Foresight]

I have a really deep-seated fear of ostracism that follows me here. My negative thought patterns come through. When I post I just want to be authentically me and if someone dislikes me then that's okay. I want to learn to be okay with that. I have very bad anxiety about basically everything so sure, I care.

 

[whatevs]

With this thread and the one about the reaction scores I shall include you safely in our privileged group, the socially anxious or "obsessed with what other people think of us", as you put it.

One day we will all die, and yet I cannot shake this absurd anxiety regarding people, which often makes me come across worse than I would otherwise.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I want to say I don't care but I do feel nettled when people try to get at me or troll me. I've had days on here where I feel really upset by the actions of others.

I guess it could be chalked up to not having much of a life. I've hung around on forums since I was a teen and I've often used the net as a substitute for the real world.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Meh.

 

[myopybyproxy]

Because we are all very much pro-choice we might develop a group think that this worldview must be correct. (Tbh I think it is correct.) Though I sometimes try to listen to the arguments of anti-choice people. I am kind of tired but I do it. On the other side there are way more grey areas than just pro- or anti-choice. With many members I have differences in the one or the other direction. It is interesting to read the opinions of other people. Though I sometimes disagree a lot.

I am not sure where I put my scale on how much I care about the opinions of others in this forum. In real life I am extremely obsessed by it. It is more chilling here on the internet. I think I often show my vulnerabilites on here. Maybe more than others. On the other side I am kind of scared to get excluded of the group. I am kind of dependent of this side. Maybe this is a reason why I am not sharing all my unpopular opnions on a daily basis.

People tend to adopt the values and mindset of their peer group. I notice this happening in myself depending which subreddits I browse, or how often I spend time here.

Also, everyone thinks their own viewpoint is correct. Why else would they have that stance? Takes quite a lot of mental gymnastics to hold and defend a belief that one thinks is false.

This is why true debate is becoming impossible - every discussion (especially on social media) eventually devolves into a shouting match and echo chamber, wherein the side with the most 'push' triumphs, yet nobody is actually open to alternative viewpoints.

I note with a bitter tinge of irony that my observations of human social dynamics do not, unfortunately, exclude myself.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Does this look like someone who's even physically able to give a shit.

 

[littlelungs]

I mean, I don't lose sleep over what other people think about me on here, but I still do care to an extent. I admit to feeling a bit inferior in terms of likeability in the past, but I don't know how to describe it without sounding like a big baby and it was fleeting and probably dumb anyway, and honestly it doesn't even matter.

Ultimately, though, I'm at the point where I'm just far too preoccupied with simply trying to make it through the day in one damn piece until I can finally be free of this sorry existence to really worry about what people think about me. If you like me, awesome, and if you don't, then I understand, lol.

 

[Of The Universe]

One thing I've noticed about this forum

Anyway, @noname223 l don't think you've reason to worry about being disliked

I must admit, Chinaski, I would probably like you a bit more if your avatar was not that smug,smiling pipe smoking asshole!

Does this look like someone who's even physically able to give a shit.
View attachment 86776

How bout A shot of them boobs? (Asking for a friend. OK its Chinaski.)

 

[Chinaski]

I must admit, Chinaski, I would probably like you a bit more if your avatar was not that smug,smiling pipe smoking asshole!

How bout A shot of them boobs? (Asking for a friend. OK its Chinaski.)

Wait, what? Is this like when the girls at primary school would pull my hair just to get my attention?

 

[LastFlowers]

but I am kind of scared to make me too many enemies in this forum. I need this forum to vent and cope. I think having arguments daily on here would not be that healthy for me.

I understand what you mean, arguments are inevitable (especially for highly opinionated members who don't dance around their words or try to remain ambiguous, as well as for those who are prolific posters in general).
But, I don't think anyone wants to have to get into the situation where they receive so much hostility and backlash-and so frequently-that they feel the need to leave behind their only respite, this concern may curb some negative behavior but it might also cause some people to self-censor themselves.

I have read some are ashamed for old cringy postings.

I have definitely said some cringe-worthy things on here, either bizarre analogous statements that are so idiosyncratic that nobody knows what the fuck I am talking about, or when I try to inject humor into a post and it flops. But I've rarely deleted anything, even if nobody reacted to it, maybe someone will relate to my utter failure at some point, or maybe they will like it a year from now!
..Either that or I have a deeper complex of not wanting to seem even more "cringe" by trying to cover up said cringe.

I'm sure there have been times where I was talking out of my ass while half out of my mind on misery and a lack of sleep, I do TRY to keep my wits about me and remain competent, but we will all make mistakes and speak of things we best not (for knowing too little about them) at some point.

I think what bothers me more than anything is the inability to edit my old posts/comments for typos, grammar and general spelling mistakes.
That irritates the hell out of me.
People tend to take you more seriously when you format your text properly and it's free from unnecessary and distracting errors, allows the content to flow and increases comprehensibility.
I have a horrible case of repeating the same words over and over again for a period of time too, like I get stuck on them and simultaneously forget half my vocabulary (which ain't much to begin with, I have no higher education due to the domino effect of being bullied to the point I had to leave school, though academics were one of the few areas of life where I felt praised).
Another thing I shake my own head at is when I abide by some imaginary poetic license in using words and grammatical functions in a way I deem fit, but which is not acceptable by any known standard.

In real life I am pretty much obsessed what other people think about me. This is way better in this forum.

I feel similarly, I don't know that I'm obsessed about what others think about me (outside of anonymity) so much as I sort of have to worry about it because of the type of predicament I am in and the flavor of detriments I suffer from.
It feels absolutely involuntary most of the time, like I wouldn't have to think about it and wouldn't want to waste the energy, if only I did not have the specific issues that I do.
This site definitely mitigates that, and I'm so grateful for being able to experience some freedom to be "me" here.

Because we are all very much pro-choice we might develop a group think that this worldview must be correct.

I am actually surprised by how little SS feels like an echo chamber, we are all obviously very different people despite agreeing on one common ideal: the right to die-to end our suffering on our own terms.
(And apparently..somehow certain people have trouble even coming together on that much.)

I think I often show my vulnerabilites on here. Maybe more than others. On the other side I am kind of scared to get excluded of the group. I am kind of dependent of this side. Maybe this is a reason why I am not sharing all my unpopular opnions on a daily basis.

Yea I have gotten way too personal on here at times, my written words can take on the form of projectile vomit, I have had to internalize my suffering for so long that I have an endless amount of things to say and gripes to remark on.
I am painfully quiet and reserved IRL, I rarely speak, so when given the chance to, no matter how, I may just talk your ears and eyes off to the point you want to kill me yourself.

I both care and don't really care.

I would say I'm of the same mind, I often comment on a thread and don't look back (sorry if this comes across as rude to anyone), I might care what someone has to say or how they respond to what I've said, but I don't care enough to torment myself with it and worry about it (when I've got enough on my plate)..to the point I will ignore it altogether. I will say my piece and move on.
People are free to agree or disagree, the only times I get heated and upset by a disagreement is when the subject matter personally affects me or if I know that the opposing opinion is based on a crock of shit/is harmful and disparaging to a certain group of people or another individual.
Then we are going to have a problem (if I even read what was written lol).

However, if it's a benign topic like different tastes in film, I could not care less if we butt heads.

Nobody's universally liked. I probably care more than I should.

Precisely, eventually someone is going to dislike you (as in anyone) or what you have to say, especially the more you engage and throw out your two cents, that's just the nature of interacting with other humans, even on an anonymous forum.

 

[Mr2005]

Not a lot

 

[LastFlowers]

People tend to adopt the values and mindset of their peer group. I notice this happening in myself depending which subreddits I browse,

Interesting, I've seen pretty much nothing BUT arguments on Reddit, including from my own prior involvement with the site, even within the confines of a sub.

Also, everyone thinks their own viewpoint is correct. Why else would they have that stance?

I think sometimes people know they're wrong but they don't want to "lose", or if they have skin in the game they may not want to concede an opposing point that shakes how they view themselves.

 

[myopybyproxy]

Interesting, I've seen pretty much nothing BUT arguments on Reddit, including from my own prior involvement with the site, even within the confines of a sub.

I think sometimes people know they're wrong but they don't want to "lose", or if they have skin in the game they may not want to concede an opposing point that shakes how they view themselves.

Notice which comments get the most upvotes and which comments get hidden.

Although they may not admit concession to the opposition - of course they'll keep their pride intact whenever possible - if they know they're wrong there's only so long they can reconcile that knowledge with their belief. Cognitive dissonance is draining in every way and not sustainable for an entity's long term survival. (Be it an individual, a group/institution/religion, a society/culture etc)

And notice how I staunchly defend my viewpoint against your valid and well-put statements :P

This discussion would be so much more entertaining and meta-analytical if I was high - but I've work in 6 hours, alas.

 

[LastFlowers]

if they know they're wrong there's only so long they can reconcile that knowledge with their belief

I wish you were right, but I see people go their whole lives without budging, never underestimate the human spirit in stubbornness and ego shielding, all the way to the bitter end.

Notice which comments get the most upvotes and which comments get hidden.

Usually platitudes, jokes, and flattery/bullshitting get the most upvotes, some of the best comments are downvoted into oblivion or get no engagement at all.
Although there is a bunch of gross spam that's always in the bottom heap as well.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I wish you were right, but I see people go their whole lives without budging, never underestimate the human spirit in stubbornness and ego shielding, all the way to the bitter end.

Usually platitudes, jokes, and flattery/bullshitting get the most upvotes, some of the best comments are downvoted into oblivion or get no engagement at all.
Although there is a bunch of gross spam that's always in the bottom heap as well.

It's concerning, honestly. That probably isn't good for their mental health. Nor of those around them.

By best you mean rational or otherwise stating opinions with which you agree or find insightful/truthful, no? I've noticed longer/substantial comments that are highly upvoted and contribute toward the circlejerk culture I mentioned earlier. Suppose it differs depending on which subreddits you browse.

 

[LastFlowers]

By best you mean rational or otherwise stating opinions with which you agree or find insightful/truthful, no?

Lol of course, although sometimes even if I disagree with someone I may find their comment informative or vital to the conversation, and it's being thrown with the rubbish.

I've noticed longer/substantial comments that are highly upvoted and contribute toward the circlejerk culture I mentioned earlier. Suppose it differs depending on which subreddits you browse.

Oh I have noticed those too, I say they fall between bullshitting and platitudes.

And yea different blunders depending on which sub you frequent, some require a member to be blunt to the point of cruelty and others expect you to be politically correct to the point of infantilizing and coddling your audience, with a dash of bitchiness to boot.

 

[ultrafuntimes]

To the extent that it is utterly paralyzing, but at least here it's easier for me to gain the courage to speak regardless.
I don't talk much, whether it's irl or online. I can't say the wrong thing if I never speak at all, right? Even now, just writing this reply has taken me over an two hours of revising- if it isn't perfect, there is opportunity for judgement, and if there is a chance someone would react negatively, then it is better to say nothing. It's stupid and irrational, but I have zero self-esteem. Validation from others is all I have.

absolutely zero cares

 

[Kristicide]

I never think about it.

 

[Nolan96]

I care. I'm tired of being viewed as a freak and a bad person. I want people to see good in me. It's unfashionable to state it that explicitly but it's true. And this being a sort of community of last resorts, I guess it'd feel like an extra kick in the teeth to be disliked even here.

I'm not really very wheedling though. In fact I think I seek out areas of tension, partially out of a subconscious desire to pressure-test the relationship and feel more secure.

 

[waitingforrest]

I certainly don't dislike you if anything. I sometimes do care what people think of me even though I try not to.

I don't think that having unpopular opinions makes someone a bad person, I think it's what they do with their actions based on those opinions.

It is disheartening to have people dislike you, but I think some things will not be accepted by the majority of society sadly. As morbid as it is, I just remind myself that everyone will die in the end so it won't matter what people think. And I try my best to do whatever the heck I want because might as well go out with a bang than a whimper.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

To the extent that it is utterly paralyzing, but at least here it's easier for me to gain the courage to speak regardless.
I don't talk much, whether it's irl or online. I can't say the wrong thing if I never speak at all, right? Even now, just writing this reply has taken me over an two hours of revising- if it isn't perfect, there is opportunity for judgement, and if there is a chance someone would react negatively, then it is better to say nothing. It's stupid and irrational, but I have zero self-esteem. Validation from others is all I have.

absolutely zero cares

You're not alone in this. I felt that a react wasn't enough here, because this describes me. It's kept me quiet for the majority of my online presence; I've never even used a 'proper' social media account, for example. The times I have resulted in minor but disastrous social mistakes that still haunt me. I'm paranoid about the flow and clarity of my comments as well.

I do care what people think of me, even anonymously. Though I'm not desperate for validation, I am paranoid about coming off as cringy, ingenuine, and part of the hugbox. This is my own criticism of myself. I notice it in the way I speak: I lament that I don't have more varied, nuanced things to say. It strikes me as odd, because while this sugary, 'emotional support/advice animal' persona is partially me, online it's doubled, and it's tripled with strangers. It's jarring to me how antithetical my comments can be, here or elsewhere.

I either attempt to be who I want to be but am not (bubbly, 'caring', and comically so), or censor myself to bumbling formality online, and in public, for fear of letting loose the ranty, rambling, and unhinged person I am.

For whatever it's worth, OP, I enjoy your postings; I often notice the discussions you start, but I don't normally comment because I'm ineffective at articulating my thoughts.