How much do you believe you should put other people's happiness over your own (if at all)?

[empty sighs]

I've just been wondering I guess. I often feel worthless and so I feel as though other people's happiness is worth more than my own.

 

[Forever Sleep]

That's a REALLY interesting question. Plus- it relates heavily to CTB. I think many people who are holding off CTB so as not to upset their loved ones are putting their loved ones happiness above there own.

I think maybe some of it depends on how other people have treated us. If they have put us first and invested in our lives and happiness- we may feel obliged to do the same. Whereas- if someone has been neglected and abused their whole life- why should they consider treating those people any better?

I suppose there's the saying- 'You shouldn't give with the expectation of receiving' but I think most people do. Especially when it comes to relationships.

I'd say I was a very selfish person. Partly I'd defend that though by saying I have lost a lot of people in my life. Abandonment is a bit of a strong term but I do largely feel like I'm on my own. I think you can come to the conclusion that no one is ultimately responsible for your happiness anymore than you are responsible for theirs.

In life, I'm not exactly going out my way to make people happy or unhappy. I'm doing what's expected of me to a larger degree. That said- in living and not CTB already- I AM putting their happiness (mostly just my Dad now) above my own. I've had ideation for 33 years.

How about you though? I'm curious. Do you feel like you actively try to make other people's lives happier? Are you sacrificing a lot for others? Or, is it just a feeling that they deserve to have happy lives but you don't? I expect many parents sacrifice their own happiness for their children. I guess that's another reason I can be selfish- I don't have that responsibility.

 

[empty sighs]

That's a REALLY interesting question. Plus- it relates heavily to CTB. I think many people who are holding off CTB so as not to upset their loved ones are putting their loved ones happiness above there own.

I think maybe some of it depends on how other people have treated us. If they have put us first and invested in our lives and happiness- we may feel obliged to do the same. Whereas- if someone has been neglected and abused their whole life- why should they consider treating those people any better?

I suppose there's the saying- 'You shouldn't give with the expectation of receiving' but I think most people do. Especially when it comes to relationships.

I'd say I was a very selfish person. Partly I'd defend that though by saying I have lost a lot of people in my life. Abandonment is a bit of a strong term but I do largely feel like I'm on my own. I think you can come to the conclusion that no one is ultimately responsible for your happiness anymore than you are responsible for theirs.

In life, I'm not exactly going out my way to make people happy or unhappy. I'm doing what's expected of me to a larger degree. That said- in living and not CTB already- I AM putting their happiness (mostly just my Dad now) above my own. I've had ideation for 33 years.

How about you though? I'm curious. Do you feel like you actively try to make other people's lives happier? Are you sacrificing a lot for others? Or, is it just a feeling that they deserve to have happy lives but you don't? I expect many parents sacrifice their own happiness for their children. I guess that's another reason I can be selfish- I don't have that responsibility.

I guess like I said I have a bit of an inferiority complex and think that other people's happiness is worth more than mine and so I often serve their needs. However I recently left someone who was abusing me and have been feeling guilty over that. I never thought I would abandon someone myself because I have a chronic fear of being abandoned and being alone, but they really gave me no choice. I try to make other people's lives better, though I'm not sure how much I succeed because most often I'm filled with depression. I have sacrificed my happiness in the past, and I still do, but to some extent I think it's necessary. A give and take in relationships. Still. Thank you for reminding me we are all responsible for our own happiness.

 

[Kasumi]

Personally I think it depends on how much the person is worth to you.
I do think that ultimately your own life matters the most to you, and even if it would help others if you stayed around, no one can hold it against you if you still decide to leave.

Though I also respect the peoples decision if they voluntarily give up on what they want for the sake of someone else.
If that's what they want I think that in a sense they're still putting their own interests first, in that case it's just that they value what they do for that other person higher than what they'd do for themselves.