Discussion How many years with suicidal thoughts? Poll

[one.way.out]

I've been suicidal for 3 years. Probably not much compared to most of you, I feel for you all.

 

[deflationary]

I'm 28 and have had suicidal thoughts for probably half of my life now. My memory of my teenage years is really bad so give or take a couple of years. The thoughts have waxed and waned in their intensity over that time but there's always been a baseline understanding that this whole life shit isn't really worth it. Sadly I didn't take my chance when I had it and now I'm kinda stuck here for the time being.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

23-25 years... Wow that's a lot when I think that :o And still, here I'm... So for the first about 10 years of my life I was free from this ... That's not much.

 

[Life_and_Death]

0-5 5-10
What if its exactly 5?

 

[ClownMe]

About 5 or 6 years for me now.

 

[CoolGuy9]

First suicidal thought that I can remember was in 2017.

 

[Tomoko]

Since middle school. I've been stuck in a seemingly never ending tug of war with those thoughts.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have been suicidal since I was a young teenager. It has been a lot of years now, suicidal thoughts have been part of me for a long time. I think they started when I was 12 and now I'm 20. I used to randomly have moments of deep despair when I was young for no particular reason and it just went downhill from there. I have never wanted to be alive really. It has gotten worse over the years in general, as I have got more tired of living. I have had some time periods where I haven't felt as bad over the years but never free from it.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

It's caused me brain damage. I can feel it. It hurts constantly. Negative thoughts and unhappiness shrink brains.

 

[draw a circle]

Started around the end of high school i guess, which is 15 for me. I was like, hey, I'm not going to survive the world out of college, am I? Guess I'll die before 20. Well, now I'm 22 and sadly alive :/ it started getting worse in 2017, and skyrocketed at 2020, between the pandemic, the stress from college, and the heartbreak, i was seriously considering the methods. That's when I found SS.

Sometimes i can enjoy life. When I'm drawing, when I'm reading manga, going on a trip, when i stopped thinking about college and the future and shit like that, i have so many things to look forward to. But it's just not worth having to work a terrible job for the next 60 years just to stay alive. I probably don't even have a clinical depression or an anxiety disorder (never diagnosed, didn't go to therapy either), i just don't have what it takes to survive the real world.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

About 9 years maybe. With suicidal thoughts and depression in general I feel like I can't point to a single moment when they started. I just slowly became aware that I had these thoughts and that they had been there for some time

 

[Largeletters]

Since I was 10 years old... fuck... why am I still here?

 

[nerve]

I'd talk about killing myself when I was really young (like 4 - 5ish) but probably didn't fully understand what I was saying.

Beyond that, it really sunk in around 11 or 12, so that's been 15 years now.

Like I honestly gave it my best shot but after this long, I'm just tired and want to rest.

 

[wanttodie]

about 25 years

 

[Grant Me Death]

6 years. Since I was 16 or 17.

 

[leaf4]

I wrote my first suicide letter 17 years ago when i was 11, before i tried to ctb by holding my breath. I don't know if that counts as an attempt, but back then i really thought that it would work.

 

[wait.what]

On and off since I was around 14, so an undetermined percentage of 35 years.

I feel like such a moron now. How do you feel determined to end your life for 35 years and manage to fail?

 

[fly away]

Then I'm a bigger moron….50 years.
wait, isn't this my silver anniversary ??!! Does Hallmark have a holiday like….Congratulations on making it through 50 years without
ctb!

 

[nfives]

Had my first suicidal thoughts with 7 or 6 and my first attempt with 14. So I've been suicidal for 15 or 16 years

 

[art]

About two years

 

[Manaaja]

Shit, I just realized my first suicide attempt was over 10 years ago, like 12-13 years ago maybe. It's awful to realize that I've been suicidal for so long. And it's awful that I still am.

 

[halfbloodprince]

I have been with suicidal thoughts for 5 years. I am tired, worned out. I cannot imagine me in a ipotetic future, I just wanna end my sufferance. I have no friend… 0. I have been doing in and out from the hospital several times. I am 19 years old, I am gay and from Italy. I don't know how this website works exactly but I need to talk with someone around my age who has my thoughts, so please, if someone read my post, please get in touch with me. It would mean a lot to me, in the meanwhile I wish you all good luck guys.

I wrote my first suicide letter 17 years ago when i was 11, before i tried to ctb by holding my breath. I don't know if that counts as an attempt, but back then i really thought that it would work.

Hi, your post very impressed me. So sad to hear you had your first suicidal thoughts when you were 11.

 

[Josh007]

More than a decade. Started after I got bullied. Like the big bang it brought it's own universe. Unfortunately I doubt I'll ever free myself from it. Only money can rescue me from this hole that is the stigmatized life.

 

[wait-for-the-bus]

Thoses thoughts have always been there if feels. Its just the timing of the bus I need to catch that changes

 

[Bleak]

Around 20 years now. Definitely comes and goes though.

 

[plastictrees]

10 years old. I was bullied and started cutting the same year too. I started saying I wanted to die on the playground and started trying to choke myself while my teacher told me to squeeze harder then later told me there's better ways of getting attention.

 

[Centende]

at first the thoughts were just that I want to be someone 100% different from who I am but since that is impossible it got darker