I had to think about it when I read about self-help groups. Of course not everybody is fully honest and open about it. I think I am quite ill and my situation is pretty fucked up. Though I have met people in similar conditions.
There are people I could relate to me. I have done a lot to recover. I have went to many self-groups, clinic stays etc.
I could relate to someone who was bipolar (I am also bipolar) I think he was aware he will kill himself in the future. He was older than me and had a couple of serious suicide attempts. I did not make any suicide attempts but I have prepared my suicide instead. I met him in my self-help group. I also wrote about him. He is an interesting person, does not speak much, he is quite calm. I think he only opened up towards me. We had a connection because we both knew very serious suicidal thoughts. Though concerning money and family life he has a better one than me. He has a lot of money. But he was very tormented. I could see that in his eyes. I can at least be honest about my suicidality with my friends. I am not sure how many people know about his suffering. He has a child. I wonder how much his wife knows. Of course I cannot say who suffers more. But for me this deep talk was way better than usual superficial talk with other people in the group.
I was in a clinic for people with psychosis. And yeah these people were also pretty fucked. Many of them how do I put this nicely?....were not sane. I also think I am not fully sane but some of these people were really completely insane. If you read my threads you will know I am pretty sceptical about drugs. And this clinic for people with psychosis reinforced this belief. There was a girl she took party drugs. Not sure what exactly but pretty hard stuff. She had a (or more) psychosis. She could not think straight anymore. She was very weird. She was really mentally like a child like a 5 years old. I don't think this is a certain kind of schizophrenia (hebephrenia) rather a result of heavy substance abuse. One could not talk with her anymore. I have met her some years later and still she behaved like a child.
Then there was this guy who probably had schizophrenia simplex. Maybe one could say this guy has the most cruel fate one can have. His thinking ability was even more impaired. I have met him some years later too. He could not say one normal sentence anymore. He lives in a home for mentally ill where people steal all his stuff (he is an easy vicitm). He "only" smoked weed no harder drugs. He was really a friendly guy. I feel truely sorry for him. He has like 0 attention span anymore. This is really scary.
I have met these peoplen in the clinic for psychosis patients. There I met another bipolar girl. She is delusional almost 24/7 for several years. She has the delusion the medication would damamge her. Always gets relapse manias when she stops the medication Almost killed herself during psychosis despite the fact she wants to live. Probably was raped/molested during a mania (I assume that) because she developed PTSD and left hints. The parents are really desperate and don't know what to do. Maybe one could say she is roundabout a similar hard case like me.
I have met other people who were pretty fucked. One guy was traumatized because his gf committed suicide 20 years ago. This guy is a wreck. And this scared me not to get close to suicidal people. He often expressed the goal to become the chancellor of my country. He often emphasized this was no joke. He already had plans.
I think it is hard to compare such cases. I am probably more sane than some of these examples. But I have pretty hard mood problems and experienced extreme psychosomatic pain. This should not be a competition who suffers the most. My close friends also have problems. But compared to the people on this list they have a quite good life.
Maybe this list shows I am not the only one who goes through hell. But I already know this when I read posts in this forum. Have you met people in real life with similar horrible conditions?
There are people I could relate to me. I have done a lot to recover. I have went to many self-groups, clinic stays etc.
I could relate to someone who was bipolar (I am also bipolar) I think he was aware he will kill himself in the future. He was older than me and had a couple of serious suicide attempts. I did not make any suicide attempts but I have prepared my suicide instead. I met him in my self-help group. I also wrote about him. He is an interesting person, does not speak much, he is quite calm. I think he only opened up towards me. We had a connection because we both knew very serious suicidal thoughts. Though concerning money and family life he has a better one than me. He has a lot of money. But he was very tormented. I could see that in his eyes. I can at least be honest about my suicidality with my friends. I am not sure how many people know about his suffering. He has a child. I wonder how much his wife knows. Of course I cannot say who suffers more. But for me this deep talk was way better than usual superficial talk with other people in the group.
I was in a clinic for people with psychosis. And yeah these people were also pretty fucked. Many of them how do I put this nicely?....were not sane. I also think I am not fully sane but some of these people were really completely insane. If you read my threads you will know I am pretty sceptical about drugs. And this clinic for people with psychosis reinforced this belief. There was a girl she took party drugs. Not sure what exactly but pretty hard stuff. She had a (or more) psychosis. She could not think straight anymore. She was very weird. She was really mentally like a child like a 5 years old. I don't think this is a certain kind of schizophrenia (hebephrenia) rather a result of heavy substance abuse. One could not talk with her anymore. I have met her some years later and still she behaved like a child.
Then there was this guy who probably had schizophrenia simplex. Maybe one could say this guy has the most cruel fate one can have. His thinking ability was even more impaired. I have met him some years later too. He could not say one normal sentence anymore. He lives in a home for mentally ill where people steal all his stuff (he is an easy vicitm). He "only" smoked weed no harder drugs. He was really a friendly guy. I feel truely sorry for him. He has like 0 attention span anymore. This is really scary.
I have met these peoplen in the clinic for psychosis patients. There I met another bipolar girl. She is delusional almost 24/7 for several years. She has the delusion the medication would damamge her. Always gets relapse manias when she stops the medication Almost killed herself during psychosis despite the fact she wants to live. Probably was raped/molested during a mania (I assume that) because she developed PTSD and left hints. The parents are really desperate and don't know what to do. Maybe one could say she is roundabout a similar hard case like me.
I have met other people who were pretty fucked. One guy was traumatized because his gf committed suicide 20 years ago. This guy is a wreck. And this scared me not to get close to suicidal people. He often expressed the goal to become the chancellor of my country. He often emphasized this was no joke. He already had plans.
I think it is hard to compare such cases. I am probably more sane than some of these examples. But I have pretty hard mood problems and experienced extreme psychosomatic pain. This should not be a competition who suffers the most. My close friends also have problems. But compared to the people on this list they have a quite good life.
Maybe this list shows I am not the only one who goes through hell. But I already know this when I read posts in this forum. Have you met people in real life with similar horrible conditions?
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