How long have you wanted to CTB?

[EGR92]

im interested to see how long people have wanted to CTB
For me, it has been since being a child. I remember being no older than 10 and stupidly attempting by smoothering myself with a pillow.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Roughly 20 years and 4 attempts. I'm 33 now, all of this started in my early teens.

 

[WhatIsMyLife]

Since 2012. Used to walk past a train line everyday, and often contemplated jumping in front of a train. Suicide has been my safety net ever since.

 

[nerve]

My mother says I'd threaten to kill myself when I was like 4 - 5 but I doubt that really counts, it's just a pretty bad omen lol

I first started thinking about suicide for real when I was 11 or so, so that's around 15 years. I used to try and hang myself with electrical cords or put plastic bags over my head and all that. The thought of things changing once I got older was a huge comfort to me, but it's mostly been more of the same so far :(

 

[person123]

I was thinking about suicide for 10 years, but life was good enough to live another day, now life got really bad, that I need to act.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Roughly 20 years but possibly earlier since I mostly can't remember the first 10 years of my life.

 

[tmcglone25]

Since 2014 for me. It's been gnawing at me for some time. I'd say it's about time to do it.

 

[catsarecool]

I remember wanting to die since I was 6. I'm 22 now.

 

[EGR92]

I remember wanting to die since I was 6. I'm 22 now.

Great user name. Cats are definitely cool

 

[KiraComplex]

i didnt want to die when i was younger, just not exist. my first attempt was 11. i remember i was smoking a cigarette and hanging on the edge of my pool. good times!

 

[Anonymoussn]

About a year and a half, but on and off. I'll go through periods where I think things are going to be ok for a while, and then I eventually end up back where I started.

 

[person123]

i didnt want to die when i was younger, just not exist. my first attempt was 11. i remember i was smoking a cigarette and hanging on the edge of my pool. good times!

And now you're back, I told you that euthanasia should be available for everyone.

 

[Stavrogin]

On and off, with extremely short intervals, since I was 15-16.

 

[KiraComplex]

And now you're back, I told you that euthanasia should be available for everyone.

not to like 5 year olds like you said that just seems so wrong.

 

[person123]

not to like 5 year olds like you said that just seems so wrong.

What if the child has some terrible illness, and parents are not consenting for euthanasia?

 

[KiraComplex]

What if the child has some terrible illness, and parents are not consenting for euthanasia?

off topic on the thread dm or something

 

[GonnaGoBye]

Ever since high school. Well arround 14-15 untill now.

 

[the-eternal]

i remember being 14 years old and wanting to die. it may have started earlier than that but my brain doesn't allow me to remember many things from my formative years — for good reason, i guess. i'm 20 now. still don't want to exist any longer, albeit for different reasons than back then.

 

[snuffcore]

Since I was 10. Wasn't depressed back then, but for some reason I still thought I was a burden and that my parents would be better off without me, paired with a nihilist worldview.

 

[HappyMstake]

It's been 11 years since my first attempt at 14, hopefully it won't become 12.

 

[TheSoulless]

On and off since 2015. First it was for stupid reasons (puberty), then I started to think about it from a different perspective. I know I will ctb eventually, sooner or later.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I first tried to hang myself in 1999. Several serious attempts between then and 2017.

 

[dysfunctional]

For the last three months as far as this depressive episode. Wanted to die from june 2018 to may 2019 as well. Back in high school had some milder thoughts of suicide.

 

[Baguette]

It's got really serious in the past 4 months but I've realised now I've had thoughts about killing myself for the past 2 years, just weren't as strong as now.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Since i was 9.
But i really decided to go, and started atempting it this april.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Started thinking what it'd be like to be an angel or just gone around 7.

Lived like that until I was 12-13 and understood it better. Was very depressed at 12 and by the time I was 13, I no longer wanted to be in this world. So about 10 years I've wanted to ctb.

 

[lonelyhouse]

I remember being 8 years old and thinking that if I got really sleepy and held my breath, I'd just drift off. I tried it, obviously didn't work.

Edit: I'm 36.

 

[JD8080]

About 12 years now.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Its around 10 years for me now, gets to a point where the past decade is just a blur.

 

[AlreadyGone]

For a year now.