How long have you been suicidal?

[worldexploder]

For me, I was suicidal since around age 6 or 7 but went about it in a primitive way. I'd pray to "Jesus" to take me in my sleep. Then wake up crying my eyes out because I was still on this earth. I prayed like that until I slowly became an atheist.

 

[QueenEtna]

Well I deliberately ran into the middle of a road getting hit by a car when I was around 4 or 5 so I'm guessing it started then xD But I didn't start thinking suicidal thoughts until a couple years ago.

 

[samhelloall9]

Since 4-5 years ago. I'm 24 going on 25, I hope I don't make it to 25, because that'll mean I'm out. Ha!

 

[worldexploder]

Well I deliberately ran into the middle of a road getting hit by a car when I was around 4 or 5 so I'm guessing it started then xD But I didn't start thinking suicidal thoughts until a couple years ago.

I didn't start actively thinking about suicidal methods until around 2006 or 2007. My first suicide attempt was in 2015. Then a couple months later in 2016. One method sent me to psyche, and the other method left me with busted capillaries all over my face. I tried to seek out other methods but it never came to fruition.

 

[NOISYMIND]

I'm 24 going on 25, I hope I don't make it to 25, because that'll mean I'm out. Ha!

Same here. I've been suicidal since the age of 14. Though I had some good times so didn't feel necessarily need to go. But life didn't work out as well as I expected it would be, I'm just wishing I'll be gone before turning 25.

 

[samhelloall9]

Same here. I've been suicidal since the age of 14. Though I had some good times so didn't feel necessarily need to go. But life didn't work out as well as I expected it would be, I'm just wishing I'll be gone before turning 25.

You and me both

 

[Nlnp2]

In May I realized the big joke this human existence is, and how it would be easier to me If I didn't wake up in the morning and be forced to do things I didn't consent to do before being born but I have to do them anyway and pay the consequences as well.

 

[project77]

Since about 4-5yr after I finished studying and decided that I dont want to have a "normal" life, that I have done all I wanted in life and the rest will be impossible with my mental problems if I dont change radically and also that all wanting in itself comes from a false understanding of reality.

 

[RacilyDank]

On and off for 17 years. When I'm well I'm actually not suicidal at all and can't believe I ever felt that way, because deep down when I'm not going through it I don't understand it.

This time in particular, around 4 months, since my 'anxiety/depression' came back, I lost my job and the person I love all in one.

 

[Battered_Seoul]

Perfectly happy until adolescence, but couldn't, either through laziness or cowardice, master the developmental demands of independence and drifted into helplessness, disorganization and listless neurosis. I had enough interest in the world to acquire an education, but by the final year of University I knew was doomed.

Have been passively suicidal and indifferent to living since that point, so around 14 years. Active suicidality is a more recent development in the last three years, following a psychotic crisis, pharmaceutical mismanagement of said crisis and unfiltered exposure to pessimism/anti-natalism.

I'd be tempted to loiter in the hope of seeing how the recent geopolitical chaos will resolve itself, but at this point I honestly don't have the patience.

 

[okyeah]

I always had suicidal thoughts since I was 18 or so but I pushed them away or coped with them pretty well. But now that I'm an adult and my life hasn't gotten better it's time to die.

 

[samhelloall9]

It might've been more fun to just write "too long".

For me.

 

[Bodylotion]

3-4 months

 

[Tinhvien]

Since I was a child idk how old I was, around 5-6 year old I guess I start feeling Im not belong to this world. In my mind alway have idea that some thing will soon bring me out, some thing like a door or a space ship. After finish university I became a monk for eight year. I thought I could find some peaceful there but not enough. Now Im 32 already and came back home, already a month at home and I start to find a way to suicide, joined this forum for three days and now I think I will jump out of high building in next few days. Im gonna travel to another city find a high building or better a bridgle to jump. Currently im feeling normal. Not depressed every thing is normal.

 

[jaemus12]

I think it was around 19 years old when I had thoughts of "escaping this world" kind of thing. Never really considered it suicide back then but who the hell am I kidding I wanted to die in the back of my mind.

Everything kind of blew up in the last several years as things in my life gradually got worse and all hope seems to be lost now.

 

[wanttodie]

For me, I was suicidal for about 20 years

 

[wagram]

As long I can remember, but the last months removed all doubt. I'm 100% ready. Got it all planed out.

 

[GoneSoon2]

Since January 2018

 

[Taylored]

I became suicidal at age 16 when my life got suddenly turned upside down.

 

[Smilla]

Off and on since four but solidly suicidal since last Oct, when I lost all hope, and most importantly desire/will for most anything.

My deep depression has kept me around, I am sorry to say. It's difficult to plan and execute said plan when you are non functional. But, bit by bit I am reaching my goals.

 

[DeadMemories]

First memory of being depressed/suicidal when I was 13 after constantly being bullied and just couldn't get away from feeling sad. At the time I didn't even know what depression was and just thought it was normal.

Year or so later started having my first suicidal thoughts.

6 years later just hoping I could just die already by my own means or another.

 

[itsallover]

Really for the past two or so years since I got sick and can't work, function, or enjoy anything. I'm so uncomfortable I can't even watch tv. With each failed procedure I get more depressed desperate and hopeless. I'm going to try reconstructive surgery and see if that works but I'm so used to failed procedures that I'm finally making serious plans to end it. I was always a hopeful person before this high school sucked and I said college will be better. Working sucked and I said a new career will be better. Chronic debilitating physical illness really doesn't you in though.

 

[Midnight]

18 years give or take. There have been "better times" in between but all those where shortlived.

 

[wezel]

In a serious way for a few months, but due to my family history the possibility of it it was always lingering in the back of my head.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

I probably started thinking about my mortality at 10 years . I became suicidal the first time when I was 14 it hass pretty stayed with me to varying degrees ever since.

 

[Maravillosa]

I remember being suicidal when I was 16 and about to enter my senior year of high school. I was attending the summer session at UC Santa Barbara, taking college-level classes for credit. I wanted to jump from the top story of the dorm where I was staying. I told a priest (who was probably in his 60s: this was in 1983) that I felt suicidal, and he told me that compared to people who lived through the Depression and WWII, I was much better off, so I had no real reason to want to kill myself

I was again acutely suicidal when I was 19, 21, 36 and 51, but the thought of suicide has seldom been too far from my mind through the years.

 

[Voldmort]

I have always endured everything until the age of 14, but only up to 14 years.

 

[Roph]

It's been nearly a decade.

 

[weedoge]

Going on 10 years since I first started thinking of it, of course my feelings have evolved since then but also in some ways they haven't.

 

[Dog Food]

Since I was 12, so 12 years. Literally half my life.