Discussion How long do I need to remain suicidal before committing to CTB?

[Cress]

I received my SN about a month ago but I haven't managed to remain suicidal for more than a day at a time until recently. I figured I should at least be suicidal for a few days before it actually committing to any sort of plan. This is the first week since purchasing SN that I feel like I could actually take my life. I've been suicidal for a few days Without any break.

I can barely hear anyone's words anymore and I've grown fixated planning my death. Maybe this is just a fear that mental health providers drill into you but I always Feel confused about my real desires Of wanting to live or not. I really don't belong anywhere in any community. So many people treat you so badly Just to make a joke or feed their own ego.

I can barely think straight or even communicate with anyone all I can think about is my own self destruction. Everything around me just seems to be melting.

To be honest I feel like I should act on these dark emotions sooner rather than later. After enough time it always seems to be the same story I'll wake up one day and start to feel like life isn't so bad and I'm permanently in limbo. Struggling to work up the courage to destroy myself.

 

[Unspoken7612]

I understand your frustration.

It sounds like you still have the potential to get better. I don't think you should be in any great rush to destroy yourself if you're not finding life intolerable.

That said, I think just the fact that you're asking the question suggests you're not ready for it.

 

[DrearyAsh348]

In the same situation right now. Not sure if I can end my own life or if I should calm down and watch a cartoon and eat some pizza. Maybe you still have reason to be here. :)

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's a very difficult question to answer. From a logical perspective- what are the repercussions of suicide? On us for starters. We don't know for sure. It kind of hinges on belief. Will we be capable of regretting killing ourselves? If not then, logically speaking, our decision of when we do it only affects our life rather than what happens after. If there's nothing after this, it won't make a difference to our dead selves when we died. Of course, people who believe in an afterlife may have more to be concerned about if they also believe that suicide is punished.

Really though, if it's all about this life then, I guess you need to figure out whether you've got any hope and motivation left. What is it that makes you feel less suicidal? Are those things worth pursuing? Can they outweigh the times you struggle? I don't feel like there should be some set time period. I guess it would be concerning if someone had literally only had the thoughts for a couple of days and acted on them. But, I think it's more about what's causing these thoughts. Is there a fix for that? Can you hold on while you try to fix that?

 

[Cress]

I understand your frustration.

It sounds like you still have the potential to get better. I don't think you should be in any great rush to destroy yourself if you're not finding life intolerable.

That said, I think just the fact that you're asking the question suggests you're not ready for it.

It's a very difficult question to answer. From a logical perspective- what are the repercussions of suicide? On us for starters. We don't know for sure. It kind of hinges on belief. Will we be capable of regretting killing ourselves? If not then, logically speaking, our decision of when we do it only affects our life rather than what happens after. If there's nothing after this, it won't make a difference to our dead selves when we died. Of course, people who believe in an afterlife may have more to be concerned about if they also believe that suicide is punished.

Really though, if it's all about this life then, I guess you need to figure out whether you've got any hope and motivation left. What is it that makes you feel less suicidal? Are those things worth pursuing? Can they outweigh the times you struggle? I don't feel like there should be some set time period. I guess it would be concerning if someone had literally only had the thoughts for a couple of days and acted on them. But, I think it's more about what's causing these thoughts. Is there a fix for that? Can you hold on while you try to fix that?

I suppose a lot of pro lifers and mental health providers say that your mind is lying to you when you're suicidal although Some people would just say that these people are simply just gaslighting you into Denying yourself your true desire to take off and destroy yourself.

Either way depression has a weird phenomena of feeling like "absolute truth" When you're in it. It's difficult to know when to trust it.

There are things that I enjoy of course but my motivation for pursuing them have dropped immensely. My younger cousin took his own life 8 months ago by jumping in front of a train. Things have been different since then And my depression is almost been insurmountable even with tons of mental health support and I do mean a ridiculous amount. I also have a degenerate nerve condition that's destroying nerves all over my body but I'll be honest I sort of come to terms with that one already.

I'm pretty agnostic towards the whole consciousness after death. Ideally you would want consciousness to stop completely However It's difficult to say with any degree of certainty. Time essentially passes infinitely fast when you're unaware of it. When you're talking about infinite time passing who's to say in the far future when your consciousness might reassemble.

Maybe there's some sort of situation that can trigger consciousness into regret? Maybe the universe will reset itself at some point and play out exactly the same? I'll just have created a Universe where I infinitely live out the same life over and over again constantly killing myself. Living out the same trials and tribulations throughout my life. Sounds depressing. I definitely would have preferred to Have lived a better life if that was the case.

 

[LunarLight]

It's completely up to you. There are no rules.