How it all falls apart

[406blue]

Depression has lived by my side all my life, but i dealt with it with alcohol, cigarettes and some prozac from time to time. There was a period of a few years recently where i seemed content and free from all the addictives and had some purpose, renovating an old house and with helpful neighbours. One day i had new neighbours move in next door, who left their alsations barking non stop while they were away, 6 days a week for months on end at the bottom of my garden. Living normally became impossible and i was working from home.

I tried everything possible to find a solution but the local council and police did everything possible to avoid the issue. I should add that i was a foreigner in this small community, which didn't help. After about 1 month of this incessant noise i began to lose the plot and was living with earplugs all day, playing music very loud to drown out the noise and found that my former friendly neighbours turned against me....the herd mentality. Eventually i sold my beautiful house and find myself living in a shitty flat, utterly depressed and returning to suicidal ideas. My health physically and mentally has been destroyed by this over the last year. I could buy another house but have no desire or energy to do so.

The strange thing was that among all my acquaintainces and friends, there was not a single person who tried to engage with the problem, offer any advice or sensible ideas for how to deal with this, despite the fact it was clear i was having a breakdown, preferring to just gossip about it behind my back. This is why i have come to the sense of misanthropy i have now and the feeling that i am isolated from people, who are good to you when you can give them something but unwilling to put themselves out for you when shit happens. Wanting out isn't just the result of these events, just the final straw.

 

[weedoge]

Its crazy how such a small thing can blow up and ruin your life. I don't mean to say its not valid just that this world doesn't care about the people in it at all. People don't matter, individuals don't matter, appearances and pack mentality like you said are what's really valued.

I know the feeling of even friends not finding your problems important too, I guess I read somewhere recently and it makes sense... We're wired to rely on our families so when we're not able and we face adversity it can get very dark and lonely indeed.

So sorry for your experience op and sorry you're here :(

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

id have slashed the tires of your neighbors car

would have put shit in the mailbox

ordered sex toys in the name of the neighbor

published their phone number on obscure internet sites



until they would have give in with the dig

 

[weedoge]

id have slashed the tires of your neighbors car

would have put shit in the mailbox

ordered sex toys in the name of the neighbor

published their phone number on obscure internet sites



until they would have give in with the dig

I've tempted to do things like this to one of my neighbours (without telling the full story, he dived me to the ground for no good reason after new year and he's like 20 years older than me and far bigger)

Its just not worth the shit that may start from it I guess but if I didn't live with my family I probably would have done something in the night. He stares at his car obsessively I was so tempted to key it.

 

[Nofaith]

My circumstances of how I became misanthropic are somewhat similar to yours. Started with friends letting me down. Then work forcing me out because I was off sick with depression caused by them and their constant reshuffling of my job role over 3 a year period. Then withdrawing from society because I couldn't deal with the anger and hatred. Then anxiety and total isolation kicked in. And the cherry on top was a barking dog, all day, everyday for 7 months.

 

[Sayo]

Something similar happened to me. It's very hard to tolerate that amount of sensory stress and think normally, let alone the disruption and isolation that followed. What hell you must have been through just in those days, never mind before and after. I'm sorry that security was taken from you.

And environmental stability is so critical for the depressed. It's not surprising people were unconstructive, prejudiced shitheels about it either, but I'm really sorry they were. I hope the dogs are stopping the people there from sleeping as we speak :)

I cried for both of our losses a bit actually.

I moved to a new school to try to be independent and study what I wanted after I was raped. My neighbours would throw fifty-strong parties next door until 5 AM, usually spilling out behind my dorm. The security guards didn't care because they were rich exchange students and they liked to join in even. Because I am disabled I had to be in that dorm. I began having seizures because of sleep deprivation. I ended up in hospital.

I was naïve and tried to ask nicely before getting carceral and was harassed, my place was attacked, and I was told by everyone to leave. Nowhere else was affordable to live and I lost semesters from the stress and instability. It was that experience that made me start to give up on fighting so hard. Before that I believed without a doubt I could overcome my early onset depression, but it gets hard to find motivation after so many tries. It's crazy how people can be so selfish they'd rather enable someone in subjecting you to noise torture. All for superficial bonds.

 

[weedoge]

Something similar happened to me. It's very hard to tolerate that amount of sensory stress and think normally, let alone the disruption and isolation that followed. What hell you must have been through just in those days, never mind before and after. I'm sorry that security was taken from you.

And environmental stability is so critical for the depressed. It's not surprising people were unconstructive, prejudiced shitheels about it either, but I'm really sorry they were. I hope the dogs are stopping the people there from sleeping as we speak :)

I cried for both of our losses a bit actually.

I moved to a new school to try to be independent and study what I wanted after I was raped. My neighbours would throw fifty-strong parties next door until 5 AM, usually spilling out behind my dorm. The security guards didn't care because they were rich exchange students and they liked to join in even. Because I am disabled I had to be in that dorm. I began having seizures because of sleep deprivation. I ended up in hospital.

I was naïve and tried to ask nicely before getting carceral and was harassed, my place was attacked, and I was told by everyone to leave. Nowhere else was affordable to live and I lost semesters from the stress and instability. It was that experience that made me start to give up on fighting so hard. Before that I believed without a doubt I could overcome my early onset depression, but it gets hard to find motivation after so many tries. It's crazy how people can be so selfish they'd rather enable someone in subjecting you to noise torture. All for superficial bonds.

Yeah first thing my occupational therapist had me do was fill a questionnaire about my environment and with all 0s it made me realise where a big part of my problem was. Unfortunately no way around it for me..

 

[Ben]

Depression has lived by my side all my life, but i dealt with it with alcohol, cigarettes and some prozac from time to time. There was a period of a few years recently where i seemed content and free from all the addictives and had some purpose, renovating an old house and with helpful neighbours. One day i had new neighbours move in next door, who left their alsations barking non stop while they were away, 6 days a week for months on end at the bottom of my garden. Living normally became impossible and i was working from home.

I tried everything possible to find a solution but the local council and police did everything possible to avoid the issue. I should add that i was a foreigner in this small community, which didn't help. After about 1 month of this incessant noise i began to lose the plot and was living with earplugs all day, playing music very loud to drown out the noise and found that my former friendly neighbours turned against me....the herd mentality. Eventually i sold my beautiful house and find myself living in a shitty flat, utterly depressed and returning to suicidal ideas. My health physically and mentally has been destroyed by this over the last year. I could buy another house but have no desire or energy to do so.

The strange thing was that among all my acquaintainces and friends, there was not a single person who tried to engage with the problem, offer any advice or sensible ideas for how to deal with this, despite the fact it was clear i was having a breakdown, preferring to just gossip about it behind my back. This is why i have come to the sense of misanthropy i have now and the feeling that i am isolated from people, who are good to you when you can give them something but unwilling to put themselves out for you when shit happens. Wanting out isn't just the result of these events, just the final straw.

"Wanting out isn't just the result of these events, just the final straw"

Well said, I don't know how many times I've tried to shed light on a singular reason for my depression, only to have it focused on like it's the root of all my problems.

There is a 10,000 char limit, which is 1% of what we need if we were to tell our story of what went wrong lol.

I also feel what you mean by isolation. My friends and family all knew I wasn't right, but unfortunately were not able to make it past their pretty shallow breaking point. They seemed defeated that one conversation with me didn't change my mind. I decided to just isolate myself, all I'm going to do is make them feel worse when I'm gone if I give them anymore opportunities to help me

 

[weedoge]

"Wanting out isn't just the result of these events, just the final straw"

Well said, I don't know how many times I've tried to shed light on a singular reason for my depression, only to have it focused on like it's the root of all my problems.

There is a 10,000 char limit, which is 1% of what we need if we were to tell our story of what went wrong lol.

I also feel what you mean by isolation. My friends and family all knew I wasn't right, but unfortunately were not able to make it past their pretty shallow breaking point. They seemed defeated that one conversation with me didn't change my mind. I decided to just isolate myself, all I'm going to do is make them feel worse when I'm gone if I give them anymore opportunities to help me

Im curious about full detailed stories. If somebody wants to post up a pastebin with their story I would definitely read it. Just in case the 10k limit is a problem for anyone I mean. I did the same for my hospital experience.

 

[Ben]

Im curious about full detailed stories. If somebody wants to post up a pastebin with their story I would definitely read it. Just in case the 10k limit is a problem for anyone I mean. I did the same for my hospital experience.

I'm definitely the type to do this too hah. I already gave a point form summary of my life in the introduce yourself thread lol.

Maybe we should see if anybody else is interested in leaving it ALL out there, maybe make it a "thing" here

 

[weedoge]

That's one bandwagon I can get on board with tbh.

 

[Ben]

That's one bandwagon I can get on board with tbh.

Word, once I catch up on the last couple days I'll make a thread and see what's up

 

[Shay]

Interesting story thanks for sharing.

I love animals and put them first before people, however, when there is a dog barking non stop and it is causing a nuisance, something must be done. When a person is stressed or anxious, sensory disturbance becomes unbearable. A dog barking loudly for an hour a day is too much, but should be tolerated I guess. Anything more, and the owners must sort the problem out, and if not, matters must unfortunately be taken into one's own hands.

Alsatians are usually bred for show or security reasons. Not a 'cherished' pet that reciprocates love. I hope I'm not breaking any site rules or offending anyone, but it's not acceptable to be disturbed hours and days on end by a dog barking for no apparent reason. At some point those Alsatians needed a big fat juicy steak laced with a few grams of SN. Their ongoing barking is an indication of their brainlessness and lack of value. They were doing more damage than they were good. Im sorry to hear about your experience.

I would argue it's not fair to the dogs to be treated that way either. Shouldn't leave a dog outside for that long with no attention. Dogs crave human attention and affection

 

[Smilla]

I would argue it's not fair to the dogs to be treated that way either. Shouldn't leave a dog outside for that long with no attention. Dogs crave human attention and affection

This whole situation is a shame.

I agree. The neighbors should have been cited for disturbing the peace and animal neglect; instead the OP had to move. Life is so unfair.

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

I would argue it's not fair to the dogs to be treated that way either. Shouldn't leave a dog outside for that long with no attention. Dogs crave human attention and affection

Agreed. But it's not possible to put the owners down, and if they aren't willing to do something about their dogs that are barking, what is the solution? Suffer because of other people's actions/lack of care? Being prisoner because of another person is reason to ctb. I have before and I refuse to be prisoner to a lesser fool ever again. At some point you take a stand for yourself, otherwise go ahead ctb. If the authorities aren't willing to help, a person must take matters into their own hands if their sanity is on the line.

 

[lv-gras]

This whole situation is a shame.

I agree. The neighbors should have been cited for disturbing the peace and animal neglect; instead the OP had to move. Life is so unfair.

and those dogs taken away and given a new home

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

and those dogs taken away and given a new home

Yea Iv, that would have been the best solution.

 

[wezel]

Life can fall apart pretty easily. The details of my story are far from Netflix material, but contrary to many who contemplate suicide
I was never depressed and I am pretty OK as we are speaking.
Its just certain non changeable circumstances have taken a turn for the worse and I am stubborn as hell and
unwilling to accept it. I do not want to live like this, so I will return my life. ( "Thanks. With compliments, Wezel" ).

Regarding other humans: I guess I was lucky as I met some wonderful individuals over the years,
who accepted me as their friends, I found even some real soulmates.
Simultaneously I also discovered that an equivalent number of people turned into zero empathy assholes.

But what a nice surprise it was to see that SS is full of friendly, non judgemental, intelligent and fully switched on individuals,
despite many here have to cope with situations which are far worse than mine. ( Which makes me sometimes scratch my stupid head,
wondering why I am so bloody hellbent on CBT...but everybody has their own custom made hell...and mine certainly feels like Dante's Inferno. )
What a cruel irony that we all have to meet under such lousy circumstances.

Personally I have no regrets ( a pointless exercise ) and also no more wishes*. My life is complete as is,
I try not to be greedy here.

signed
Wezel

* That's not quite true: I love truffles, and before I kick the bucket I wanna eat one more time Tagliatelle with fresh truffles.
It will happen this coming weekend, I found a place that serves this dish in supposedly excellent quality ( I did quite some extensive research as I am a real fusspot when it comes to Truffles. )

 

[windingdown]

I think it is worth being a fusspot when it comes to truffles :D I love them, too. I am a real fusspot when it comes to baking.

We really do all have our own journey here. My wish for suicide is rational; I can hardly call this depression at this stage. Sure, my biochemistry might be on the more down/pessimistic end these days, but it's firmly rooted in circumstances, and a personal view of existence. (This includes finding physical existence too physically uncomfortable to bear, and considering aging to be untenable.)

 

[Smilla]

Life can fall apart pretty easily. The details of my story are far from Netflix material, but contrary to many who contemplate suicide
I was never depressed and I am pretty OK as we are speaking.
Its just certain non changeable circumstances have taken a turn for the worse and I am stubborn as hell and
unwilling to accept it. I do not want to live like this, so I will return my life. ( "Thanks. With compliments, Wezel" ).

Regarding other humans: I guess I was lucky as I met some wonderful individuals over the years,
who accepted me as their friends, I found even some real soulmates.
Simultaneously I also discovered that an equivalent number of people turned into zero empathy assholes.

But what a nice surprise it was to see that SS is full of friendly, non judgemental, intelligent and fully switched on individuals,
despite many here have to cope with situations which are far worse than mine. ( Which makes me sometimes scratch my stupid head,
wondering why I am so bloody hellbent on CBT...but everybody has their own custom made hell...and mine certainly feels like Dante's Inferno. )
What a cruel irony that we all have to meet under such lousy circumstances.

Personally I have no regrets ( a pointless exercise ) and also no more wishes*. My life is complete as is,
I try not to be greedy here.

signed
Wezel

* That's not quite true: I love truffles, and before I kick the bucket I wanna eat one more time Tagliatelle with fresh truffles.
It will happen this coming weekend, I found a place that serves this dish in supposedly excellent quality ( I did quite some extensive research as I am a real fusspot when it comes to Truffles. )
View attachment 1549

Black or white truffles?

 

[wezel]

Black or white truffles?

White truffles, more aromatic and precious they are. And they will be accompanied by an old Nebbiolo from Piedmont.
( Antipasti fungi, Swordfish, Sfogliatella with wild berries the likely other choices, but I got a bit of a temper, so it might be Fish Carpaccio, Osso bucco and Cassata instead. Followed by a Montechristo Nr. 2 and a Marolo "For four" Grappa..)
Nuff said.

 

[wezel]

I think it is worth being a fusspot when it comes to truffles :D I love them, too. I am a real fusspot when it comes to baking.

We really do all have our own journey here. My wish for suicide is rational; I can hardly call this depression at this stage. Sure, my biochemistry might be on the more down/pessimistic end these days, but it's firmly rooted in circumstances, and a personal view of existence. (This includes finding physical existence too physically uncomfortable to bear, and considering aging to be untenable.)

I agree 100% with you in this.
And baking is a neglected art, people now eat mass produced crap instead...what a degeneration in style and quality. Grrrr.

 

[weedoge]

I agree 100% with you in this.
And baking is a neglected art, people now eat mass produced crap instead...what a degeneration in style and quality. Grrrr.

Yeah.. I feel my early life was ruined by modern technology and consumerism.. Really nice thoughts in your other post re: circumstances and simply returning your life. I feel similarly. I have been depressed but not nearly as much as some people, just material physical aspects of my life have always been pretty tough.

I have some mental issues compounded with that too but not how I suspect most do.

 

[wezel]

Yeah.. I feel my early life was ruined by modern technology and consumerism..

That is something I am watching sometimes in horror and disbelief. Do people really think that is a substitute for real and meaningful human interaction ? ( He's said writing on an internet forum...lol ).
But it has become an obsession that is ridiculous. Nowadays when you are in an animated discussion with somebody and their phone makes a beep, they will interrupt their sentence and check the phone.
( Which means that whatever comes in has priority over the person one is talking to...).
And the world wide domination of advertising and mass produced, lowest common denominator pop music, blaring out of any available loudspeaker those ever same 3 harmonies it uses....Jesus...beam me up Scotty.
Humour is the last weapon in this ( or sarcasm ), but it doesn't change this global idiocy competition , it just makes it more bearable.
And then people wonder where does Trump come from ? He is the exact mirror of that whole situation.

 

[weedoge]

That is something I am watching sometimes in horror and disbelief. Do people really think that is a substitute for real and meaningful human interaction ? ( He's said writing on an internet forum...lol ).
But it has become an obsession that is ridiculous. Nowadays when you are in an animated discussion with somebody and their phone makes a beep, they will interrupt their sentence and check the phone.
( Which means that whatever comes in has priority over the person one is talking to...).
And the world wide domination of advertising and mass produced, mostly absolutely meaningless pop music, blaring out of any available loudspeaker those ever same 3 harmonies it uses....Jesus...beam me up Scotty.
Humour is the last weapon in this ( or sarcasm ), but it doesn't change this global idiocy competition , it just makes it more bearable.
And then people wonder where does Trump come from ? He is the exact mirror of that whole situation.

I agree with you completely.. Its like people are over the technology scare even though its worse now. Slightly irrelevant but look up Elsagate if you don't know it, this shit scares the hell out of me ever since my niece got a tablet. I can't stay here and watch her grow up.. Knowing how it affected me. Watch her growing up obsessed with tech and the TV so much that she can't talk to me if the TV is on she gets sucked right in.

I'm only 23 but I feel old as hell expressing views like this, personal experience sucks I guess.. Yeah even my mother prefers to sit and plsy her mobile game instead of talking to me.

 

[wezel]

I agree with you completely.. Its like people are over the technology scare even though its worse now. Slightly irrelevant but look up Elsagate if you don't know it, this shit scares the hell out of me ever since my niece got a tablet. I can't stay here and watch her grow up.. Knowing how it affected me. Watch her growing up obsessed with tech and the TV so much that she can't talk to me if the TV is on she gets sucked right in.

I'm only 23 but I feel old as hell expressing views like this, personal experience sucks I guess.. Yeah even my mother prefers to sit and plsy her mobile game instead of talking to me.

Great to see that also 23 year olds think that, but I am afraid you are a minority, but hopefully there will be a backlash.
I see it with my students, some are starting to question it actually now...but it could be all a bit late already...and big state and corporate interests are behind this anyway. ( Facebook is free...hahahaha....yeah. And Apple a respectable company...Christ...)
I am an old dog, grumbling and barking away here and there, but its good to see that not bloody everybody is already brainwashed.
Got to get out of the house now, need some fresh air...
TC

 

[josh228]

Dude I know you have no energy now, but that one day when you wake up and the sun is slightly brighter, research for a new home and stop thinking about other people so much. ALL PEOPLE ARE IN IT FOR THEMSELVES IN THE END, NO ONE TRULY CARES ABOUT ANYONE.

There is hope for you I think by the way youve described your stroy.

 

[windingdown]

I agree 100% with you in this.
And baking is a neglected art, people now eat mass produced crap instead...what a degeneration in style and quality. Grrrr.

Definitely! One of my two final projects in this life is putting all of the baking recipes I've developed up on a free website, for all to enjoy into perpetuity. They are truly delicious, unique, and hard won from my experiments. Just 1-2 days more work!

I appreciate your perspective / reading your thoughts. It is not only objective circumstances that matter; others may be objectively worse off than I, but we each experience our life subjectively, looking out of our own eyes, with our individual brain. It's really all about that subjective experiencing. Others have far more inner fortitude than I, and that's just the way it is.

 

[wezel]

Definitely! One of my two final projects in this life is putting all of the baking recipes I've developed up on a free website, for all to enjoy into perpetuity. They are truly delicious, unique, and hard won from my experiments. Just 1-2 days more work!

I appreciate your perspective / reading your thoughts. It is not only objective circumstances that matter; others may be objectively worse off than I, but we each experience our life subjectively, looking out of our own eyes, with our individual brain. It's really all about that subjective experiencing. Others have far more inner fortitude than I, and that's just the way it is.

Yes ! You are so right here. Those baking recipes...please make it known where to find them, I have to try and see for myself before I bugger off . Should your life improve suddenly and you re-evaluate everything, will you still share them ? ( That was a naughty question...I apologise. )
The subjectivity of it all is what makes us human, with all the problems that can create. But unfortunately subjectivity and individuality are no longer hard currencies Brainwashing through mass consumerism and increasingly totalitarian ideologies which do not respect the other, plus increasingly idiotic and repulsive leaders running the show, all that nonsense is virulent, and one would need to be brain dead not to notice it. Grumble....