Miserable. Besides the usual issues, my boyfriend is very likely moving to another city far away while I stay here. I've never had a job. I've been desperately looking and applying for years. I don't have money and I'm dependent on my sociopathic mom.
He told me last year there was a chance of him moving. So it's not a surprise and I had time to deal with my feelings. But the probability of it only increases. He just told me his dad has a job waiting for him in that city.
We discussed what we were going to do. We are unsure about long distance relationship. It probably wouldn't work out. So, it's more likely for us to break up and I'm not ready. I don't know how to deal with all this.
today is not a good day for me, i'm really struggling and the only way i can cope with these thoughts is with weed, benzos, and whatever distraction i can find on the internet.
Very tired and stomach pains as usual. Used to chalk it up to i hadnt ate but sometimes hurts more when i do. i get random sharp spasms of pain in my heart and other parts of my body from time to time. hadnt told a doctor because i usually forget it happens when i eventually get to one.
i think a lot of the pain i feel is just in my head and that im makinf it up sometimes. idk. woke up feeling bad. might see if i can sleep again or sleep all day today if possible.
I went fir my walk but it seems nature does not work fir me either now. I ended up going to look at my shopping list for my equipment for when i ctb. Life for me is so painfull everyday aswell. Seems like everybody is having a shit and painfull day.
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