dogdrool

dogdrool

Member
Dec 2, 2025
30
I didn't expect to see 2026. I aborted several suicide attempts between June and November, my most significant one being on November 1st. 2025 was terrible, as was 2024. My second semester of university starts in February and I can't be bothered.

Like many others, I think truly the only thing holding me back from suicide is having never kissed anyone or had sex before, it's not like I can't change that, either. I went out with a guy I know on NYE and he kept asking to kiss me and I was so awkward about it. I don't even really like him, I just want to know what it feels like. It's messed up for me to want to use someone like that.
 
ipmanwc0

ipmanwc0

Doctor Sleep
Sep 15, 2023
556
well new year is pretty arbitrary and also time doesn't pass for me in my haze. every day is the same
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
46,494
Another year of torture in this dreadful, cruel existence is always something so terrible to me, I always see it as an abomination to suffer in this existence, another year just means existing beings will be tortured in agony all for the sake of it and every second is torture to be conscious, existence itself truly is just so evil to me, I'll always see existence as the problem.

All existence ever does is torture existing beings with no limit as to how much agony one can feel and I always find it so terrible to exist, I always suffer so much from existing in this dreadful, horrific reality where suicide is seen as a crime despite all the harm and suffering this cruel, deeply undesirable existence causes. There's just so much evil in existence and there's so much evil in how humans do all they can to force others to suffer in this existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake, I always find it so painful to exist, for me only non-existence is positive, only non-existence can bring me the peace I search for from this torturous existence that is just suffering all for the sake of it.
 
darksouls2kicksass

darksouls2kicksass

musician!!!
Feb 7, 2025
44
I need to die ASAP. I have SN but I'm too scared to try it, especially because I don't have any supplementary meds. All my friends abandoned me, I'm stuck working all week in a dead end job, and I can barely pay my bills. This is the worst year of my life and it's not even been a full day yet LMAO. I'm so angry at everything, I hate everyone I know, and I have no future. So nothing new

My only resolutions are:
- play more drums
- do more drugs
- kill self 🧸
 
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cemeteryismyhome

cemeteryismyhome

Paragon
Mar 15, 2025
970
... I went out with a guy I know on NYE and he kept asking to kiss me and I was so awkward about it. I don't even really like him, I just want to know what it feels like. It's messed up for me to want to use someone like that. ...
I wouldn't say it's using someone. I wish I had done a few things I had the chance to do when I was young. Now I'm old and just don't even care, but I still wish sometimes...
 
Deepdense

Deepdense

Member
Dec 30, 2025
49
2026 is probably going to be pretty shitty based off of 2025. As for your issues, you need to have more long term goals to look forward to; like paying off debt, buying a house, or traveling. You'll also need short term goals like going out on a walk, doing yoga, or making your bed in the morning. The short term goals will keep you feeling useful while you look forward to the long term goals. You won't feel like doing it some times but if you push yourself into doing it anyways, you'll feel much more productive.
 
dogdrool

dogdrool

Member
Dec 2, 2025
30
I need to die ASAP. I have SN but I'm too scared to try it, especially because I don't have any supplementary meds. All my friends abandoned me, I'm stuck working all week in a dead end job, and I can barely pay my bills. This is the worst year of my life and it's not even been a full day yet LMAO. I'm so angry at everything, I hate everyone I know, and I have no future. So nothing new

My only resolutions are:
- play more drums
- do more drugs
- kill self 🧸
I'm also in the 'need to die ASAP' mindset
 
°opulentGambler°

°opulentGambler°

(⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)
Nov 4, 2025
15
Same shit, different year. Not expecting anything to change really.
 
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dogdrool

dogdrool

Member
Dec 2, 2025
30
2026 is probably going to be pretty shitty based off of 2025. As for your issues, you need to have more long term goals to look forward to; like paying off debt, buying a house, or traveling. You'll also need short term goals like going out on a walk, doing yoga, or making your bed in the morning. The short term goals will keep you feeling useful while you look forward to the long term goals. You won't feel like doing it some times but if you push yourself into doing it anyways, you'll feel much more productive.
Yeah, I know plenty of ways that I could improve and make myself feel generally better and like I'm moreso making the most of my time, I just don't want to.
Like, I'd genuinely rather just kill myself.

Being suicidal, for me, is more than just a desperate escape from something I think is pointless, it's also just an impulse and I feel like it's my fate, in a way. I'm not really interested in trying to get better. I appreciate your input, though.
I wouldn't say it's using someone. I wish I had done a few things I had the chance to do when I was young. Now I'm old and just don't even care, but I still wish sometimes...
Moreso leading someone on, then. It's not like I'd be making him kiss me, but I know that he's more interested in a long term relationship. Maybe I'll talk to him about it. Invite him over sometime this week and we can feel it out.

I wish I'd made better use of my life, I'm still young and I know that it's silly to put stuff like kissing and sex on such high pedestals but I can't help it. I've had plenty of opportunities too, I'm just a coward.
 
Last edited:
I

itsgone2

-
Sep 21, 2025
997
Complete disaster. I do NOT want to be here at all and yet too cowardly to make an attempt. I've made too many mistakes and also too much bad luck. Terrible combo just get me the f out of here
 
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VitezslavNezval

VitezslavNezval

Spiegel der Nacht.🌹
Jan 9, 2024
16
Well it's kinda strange to feel how the time is passing and I am still here. I want to see colours of summer and beauty of the nature in different seasons of the year again, so I still want to be alive for that, but In my personal life I don't think anything will get better.
 

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