Venting How in the FUCK am I gonna pull this off?

[hellodarkness]

So to say the least I work as a nutritionist for a government organization, and part of my job is actually serving people in my programs food on a daily basis. I love what I do, and despite pride being a sin and all, I know I am good at it.

Recently someone I have daily contact with was out waiting on COVID testing but it was very obvious she had it. I refused to serve food because I thought it was irresponsible until we knew their status and whether or not I should be tested myself via contact tracing. My bosses boss basically laid it out that do it or "they'll find someone who will" (keep in mind everyone in our institution has contact with this person, so that would mitigate the risk exactly 0%). So I served as little as I could after that, but enough to keep
Him from firing me. He was already angry I contacted my union.

After six days she comes back positive, is out for weeks because it was severe. I got quarantined angrily because I endangered people who didn't even know because he wouldn't listen to me.

I get an email saying I have a meeting with my boss and bosses boss this week, which I was the only one not aware of. Now here's the rub- I have been hallucinating to a ridiculous degree this past week, I won't see my shrink again (she was on vacation) until after this meeting occurs.

How in the FUCK am I gonna make it through this meeting, which I assume is a formal reprimand, WITH THE VOICE ADDING COMMENTARY? Fuck fuck fuck

 

[Weary Soul]

I am not sure I entirely understand, but can you get your Union involved?
So sorry you are going through this.

 

[signifying nothing]

From your previous posts, am I right in saying the people you work for don't know about your mental health problems? This is probably going to sound harsh, but I think they need to know about them sooner rather than later.

You are obviously fearful yourself that something could happen. You will come off a hell of a lot worse if something does happen and you then have to explain yourself, rather than the other way around.

 

[hellodarkness]

I am not sure I entirely understand, but can you get your Union involved?
So sorry you are going through this.

Sorry I have to be kind of intentionally vague because the law. If I get reprimanded for voicing concerns about COVID that were vindicated I will go to my union.

From your previous posts, am I right in saying the people you work for don't know about your mental health problems? This is probably going to sound harsh, but I think they need to know about them sooner rather than later.

You are obviously fearful yourself that something could happen. You will come off a hell of a lot worse if something does happen and you then have to explain yourself, rather than the other way around.

They know I have OCD, I disclosed this in the interview, but that's it. If I disclose now not only will that get around our small town faster than a bottle fly, I will certainly lose my job and likely will lose all my private client work. I can't afford that. I don't disagree with your logic at all, but I also need to work.

What I am concerned with at the institution is the behaviour of other people in management and not myself. I know I was in the right, and they made a bad choice against my advice. I'm more worried I'm gonna do that fucking sketched out thing I do where my stupid eyes dart around the room following the sound.

 

[signifying nothing]

They know I have OCD, I disclosed this in the interview, but that's it. If I disclose now not only will that get around our small town faster than a bottle fly, I will certainly lose my job and likely will lose all my private client work. I can't afford that. I don't disagree with your logic at all, but I also need to work.

What I am concerned with at the institution is the behaviour of other people in management and not myself. I know I was in the right, and they made a bad choice against my advice. I'm more worried I'm gonna do that fucking sketched out thing I do where my stupid eyes dart around the room following the sound.

I guess the risks are yours to take if you feel they're worth it.

Re the covid situ it does sound like you're in the right, so that should help you keep calm and focus in the meeting? And as you said, there's always the union fallback if necessary.

 

[Weary Soul]

No worries @hellodarkness. I understand. I have had to sign many NDAs for work. I am wishing you the best <3.