How I know suicide is the correct choice...for me.

[Lookoutbelow]

I used to think suicide was an emotional choice, but now I realize it is an intellectual choice and that is why it is the correct choice...for me. Let me try to explain. We exist in a duality. Our intelligence (rational thoughts) tells us one thing while our emotions drive us to do something else. For example I intellectually know I shouldn't (insert whatever you like in here), but my emotions take control and I do it anyway then regret it afterwards. It may be gambling, alcohol, food, drugs or anything. For me it is not commiting suicide. Intellectually I know I should do it, but my emotions stop me. Call it SI or whatever. It is an emotion that prevents me from doing it. Then afterwards I feel bad for not going through with it. This is how I know suicide is the intelligent and correct choice...for me.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Totally agree with this.
Emotions are just chemical messages and can never be trusted.
For me suicide is a choice defined by logic and not by emotions.

 

[Golden]

I feel exactly the same. I've went through the long and draining thought process to conclude that suicide is the best option for me. Also went through therapy after I made that conclusion and despite being very open about the willingness to ctb, therapy didn't reduce that willingness. But now it's almost three years since I decided that I'm going to ctb, and about 2.5 years ago was the first date I ever set for it. And I literally cried one week straight leading to that date even tho I wanted to die and knew it was the best thing that could happen to me. But I couldn't do it. And I felt so angry and disappointed in myself. And this has happened several times during the past 2.5 years, even when I have had everything planned and prepared to the perfection, the emotion, the SI have ruined it. Now I haven't attempted to attempt suicide for quite some time and I'm pretty confident that I'm able to go all the way in January. But still I sometimes notice myself thinking how it would be nice to watch the sunset on a warm summer night... which fucking sucks. Because that isn't even close to being a good enough prize for my suffering. Yet it's still these kinds of silly emotional ideas I have to fight against

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I feel exactly the same. I've went through the long and draining thought process to conclude that suicide is the best option for me. Also went through therapy after I made that conclusion and despite being very open about the willingness to ctb, therapy didn't reduce that willingness. But now it's almost three years since I decided that I'm going to ctb, and about 2.5 years ago was the first date I ever set for it. And I literally cried one week straight leading to that date even tho I wanted to die and knew it was the best thing that could happen to me. But I couldn't do it. And I felt so angry and disappointed in myself. And this has happened several times during the past 2.5 years, even when I have had everything planned and prepared to the perfection, the emotion, the SI have ruined it. Now I haven't attempted to attempt suicide for quite some time and I'm pretty confident that I'm able to go all the way in January. But still I sometimes notice myself thinking how it would be nice to watch the sunset on a warm summer night... which fucking sucks. Because that isn't even close to being a good enough prize for my suffering. Yet it's still these kinds of silly emotional ideas I have to fight against

Exactly. I'm still not sure if I will be able to push through the emotions to jump. Even though I am 100% sure that getting out of this life is the rational and logical choice.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Emotions and cognition can both be rational or irrational.

What you're describing sounds more like the difference between impulsivity and long-term executive decision making.

What Freud might call the Id (impulse) and the Superego.

The question is really whether suicide is properly deliberated. Mentally ill people are more prone to impulsivity, but it doesn't mean they are ubiquitously impulsive; they are still autonomous people.

I have a reasonable concern that some people on this site may be hastily making the decision based on impulse.

But if people do their diligence to meditate on the decision, the pros and cons, etc. then after reasonable deliberation we demonstrate to ourselves it is indeed a rational choice.

it's hard for me to articulate this but no human can feasibly seperate between emotion and rationality, every choice is driven by both

Also this. Networks responsible for each in the brain overlap.

It is where impulse (reward) versus impulse inhibition (long term planning) that the two negatively correlate (that is, one sees less activity when the other increases).

Emotions and cognition are both involved in reward and executive functioning.

Reward in the psychological sense can also be viewed as the way we appraise death as bringing about a lack of suffering; removing punishing stimuli is also appraised as rewarding

 

[R_N]

It is the only way for me and I am still delaying the inevitable for some reason.

My life ended years ago, I am just hiden away, frozen. Sometimes when my old self shows and reality of broken dreams hits, it feels like I was in a coma all this time. Still, the world around me is decaying and even if they achieved what I once found appealing, they lost that spark in their eyes. They look like someone who was tricked into this system we created. Living a lie and also hiding from their mortality and inevitable. Buying copium to get through the day.

I don't like this world and how is everything designed. People who would call me ill because of it will find out the hard way. Being born is the worst thing that can happen.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

It is the only way for me and I am still delaying the inevitable for some reason.

My life ended years ago, I am just hiden away, frozen. Sometimes when my old self shows and reality of broken dreams hits, it feels like I was in a coma all this time. Still, the world around me is decaying and even if they achieved what I once found appealing, they lost that spark in their eyes. They look like someone who was tricked into this system we created. Living a lie and also hiding from their mortality and inevitable. Buying copium to get through the day.

I don't like this world and how is everything designed. People who would call me ill because of it will find out the hard way. Being born is the worst thing that can happen.

Yep.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

It is the only way for me and I am still delaying the inevitable for some reason.

My life ended years ago, I am just hiden away, frozen. Sometimes when my old self shows and reality of broken dreams hits, it feels like I was in a coma all this time. Still, the world around me is decaying and even if they achieved what I once found appealing, they lost that spark in their eyes. They look like someone who was tricked into this system we created. Living a lie and also hiding from their mortality and inevitable. Buying copium to get through the day.

I don't like this world and how is everything designed. People who would call me ill because of it will find out the hard way. Being born is the worst thing that can happen.

Beautifully written and stated.

 

[Yaffle]

Exactly. I'm still not sure if I will be able to push through the emotions to jump. Even though I am 100% sure that getting out of this life is the rational and logical choice.

I feel exactly the same, whatever the method.

 

[gbi2]

It has been a logical decision for me too. This is why I am not necessarily hell bent on doing it, if one or two things were changed then I would have reason to try and keep going, just because I have some personal projects I would like to do. One could help anglers and fishery management assess and track fish stocks.

An emotional decision from me would have probably resulted in me succeeding already, even though time might have been a healer. The emotional moment would have overpowered any logical thought and prevailed in my dilemma.

But unless those things can be sorted, and though I've always been one to put in 100% effort in even when I don't have a prior interest, this time I'm too old and wise and cyncial to work with people who are essentially telling me to just put more effort in and just move on.
The proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is no inspiration to me any more. I need something more. Peace of mind that any remaining life will be free of unnecessary abuse and difficulties, always watching my back for the next person wanting to make my life go wrong again.

I told a therapist from the self harm centre yesterday, if someone had told me 10 years ago I'd be going through what I've been through over these 8 years to the point I am in now where I don't know if I'll have my home next month, be able to work, be able to even deal with my own affairs, and gave me the option to push a button to end it all then or live through it until that point, not knowing what was going to happen after, I'd have pushed it straight away and everyone else would have too.

 

[achb]

For me I think it's both. Logic is often driven by emotions. "I should not do [this thing] because I know I will regret it." "I should do [this other thing] because I know I will feel good/better if I do."

My reasons for ctb are very emotion driven. When I have a bad day, I feel horrible, and the idea of suicide relieves that emotional distress. If I do not live, I will no longer feel the things I do not want to. I will not feel at all. That is why ctb I contemplate suicide.

I think when I eventually do ctb it will likely be an impulse decision. Acting on strong suicidal emotions of the moment. But I do not consider that a bad thing.

Emotions and cognition can both be rational or irrational.

What you're describing sounds more like the difference between impulsivity and long-term executive decision making.

What Freud might call the Id (impulse) and the Superego.

The question is really whether suicide is properly deliberated. Mentally ill people are more prone to impulsivity, but it doesn't mean they are ubiquitously impulsive; they are still autonomous people.

I have a reasonable concern that some people on this site may be hastily making the decision based on impulse.

But if people do their diligence to meditate on the decision, the pros and cons, etc. then after reasonable deliberation we demonstrate to ourselves it is indeed a rational choice.

Also this. Networks responsible for each in the brain overlap.

It is where impulse (reward) versus impulse inhibition (long term planning) that the two negatively correlate (that is, one sees less activity when the other increases).

Emotions and cognition are both involved in reward and executive functioning.

Reward in the psychological sense can also be viewed as the way we appraise death as bringing about a lack of suffering; removing punishing stimuli is also appraised as rewarding

In other words... This