Venting How I feel

[Darkfantasy]

After crying and feeling heavy from wanting to end it so much I am EXHAUSTED. And I am tired of feeling exhausted. Plus I've never been in a relationship, and I'm so jealous of that. I don't know if it's pathetic or you guys can relate, but when I see someone attractive of the opposite sex I feel negative about myself. I feel I'll never be in a relationship and it makes me hate myself that this person is so good and normal. Meanwhile I'm weak and want to die.... I'm tired of being abnormal. Attractive people aren't the only thing that makes me jealous. happy people do too anyone can relate?

I can't go on anymore. I seriously cannot take another suicidal episode I feel so weak after, and I'm worthless! Nobody would care if I died

 

[Ermac]

I know that feeling of hating other's happiness. Had to quit most social media because I was comparing myself and feeling like shit. A lot of people like to put on masks and they just pretend they are doing well. I was a bit surprised when I found out a friend I was jealous of was suffering with their self confidence and was suicidal.


Is most of your pain from not experiencing a relationship?
Or are other problems going on which make you feel trapped that way?
You don't have to answer if it's too personal or anything.

 

[pole]

I know that feeling of hating other's happiness. Had to quit most social media because I was comparing myself and feeling like shit. A lot of people like to put on masks and they just pretend they are doing well. I was a bit surprised when I found out a friend I was jealous of was suffering with their self confidence and was suicidal.


Is most of your pain from not experiencing a relationship?
Or are other problems going on which make you feel trapped that way?
You don't have to answer if it's too personal or anything.

so sorry about what you're going through.

yes, it's extremely hard. we feel envious and jealous of others whom "look" happy and attractive, like they have the full package. we are envious of them and jealous simply because WE wish we had that ourselves; we wish we were in their positions, that happy. we ask ourselves, why them? why not me? why do they deserve it and not me?

i really use to be negatively envious towards my friends when i was abit younger. but now, like i envy them, but im happy for them. im happy that there happy, living a great life, having fun, just thinks i dont think id be able to do. it makes me happy seeing people i really care for, bestfriends, so happy.

 

[Orin]

Plus I've never been in a relationship, and I'm so jealous of that.

I used to be too but when i got into relationships, i noticed that they didn't make me a happier person. Sure, there are some advantages, but everything has a price, so in a way the cost balances out the benefit.

 

[Darkhaven]

Yep, i can relate.
Not being able to shine like others do really puts me down.
In my case it's worse since the main reason why i'm unable to feel better is an uncurable disease.
I would do anything to get rid of it if i could.

 

[Darkfantasy]

I know that feeling of hating other's happiness. Had to quit most social media because I was comparing myself and feeling like shit. A lot of people like to put on masks and they just pretend they are doing well. I was a bit surprised when I found out a friend I was jealous of was suffering with their self confidence and was suicidal.


Is most of your pain from not experiencing a relationship?
Or are other problems going on which make you feel trapped that way?
You don't have to answer if it's too personal or anything.

Thanks for the reply. It's pain from not being in a relationship. I feel like trash that I can't get affection ya know. plus it's like I hate how some people get all this stuff I want. It's unfair. I'm not hoping they lose it or anything. I'm happy when people are happy. But I'd enjoy to be happy too. And I do want to get into my first relationship eventually. I don't think I'm ugly. I'm pretty attractive, but I do have some weight, and I need to lose that. But I could get a relationship. Issues is my mental health and difficult making friends or going out there /: I'm glad you get me cause I felt pathetic writing this like I'm so jealous loser but i hope my jealousy is normal

so sorry about what you're going through.

yes, it's extremely hard. we feel envious and jealous of others whom "look" happy and attractive, like they have the full package. we are envious of them and jealous simply because WE wish we had that ourselves; we wish we were in their positions, that happy. we ask ourselves, why them? why not me? why do they deserve it and not me?

i really use to be negatively envious towards my friends when i was abit younger. but now, like i envy them, but im happy for them. im happy that there happy, living a great life, having fun, just thinks i dont think id be able to do. it makes me happy seeing people i really care for, bestfriends, so happy.

Same I'm still happy for people, but I'm like why am I suffering THIS MUCH. Like wanting to kill yourself is extremely heavy. It seems unfair!!! thanks for the reply

 

[Ermac]

i hope my jealousy is normal

Don't feel too ashamed about feeling that way. Some of us get dealt with the worst starting hand in life. It's so easy to get caught up thinking about it all the time.

Every time I make a mistake or say something stupid. I get this inner thought "aw damn why did you do that you are pathetic". That thought can go on for hours and then I have to shut it out.

Best way to not dwell on that is to focus on something you feel you can change or maybe just a hobby or activity you feel strongly (passionate etc) about. When you focus on something you might feel positive about then it's possible to meet others who might like the same thing you do. Or even have the same kind of thoughts...

I hope that eases some of your thoughts you got going on right now. I'm always willing to talk if you are up for it.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

I know that feeling of hating other's happiness. Had to quit most social media because I was comparing myself and feeling like shit. A lot of people like to put on masks and they just pretend they are doing well. I was a bit surprised when I found out a friend I was jealous of was suffering with their self confidence and was suicidal.


Is most of your pain from not experiencing a relationship?
Or are other problems going on which make you feel trapped that way?
You don't have to answer if it's too personal or anything.

I'm not on social media anymore because of the same thing. I tried not to compare myself but find it so difficult. I know that people only post the good things when there are other things happening behind the scenes.

 

[pole]

Thanks for the reply. It's pain from not being in a relationship. I feel like trash that I can't get affection ya know. plus it's like I hate how some people get all this stuff I want. It's unfair. I'm not hoping they lose it or anything. I'm happy when people are happy. But I'd enjoy to be happy too. And I do want to get into my first relationship eventually. I don't think I'm ugly. I'm pretty attractive, but I do have some weight, and I need to lose that. But I could get a relationship. Issues is my mental health and difficult making friends or going out there /: I'm glad you get me cause I felt pathetic writing this like I'm so jealous loser but i hope my jealousy is normal



Same I'm still happy for people, but I'm like why am I suffering THIS MUCH. Like wanting to kill yourself is extremely heavy. It seems unfair!!! thanks for the reply

killing urselfs a tremendous weight. that final step of actually doing is way too much of a weight to shoulder and carry; its a hard step to take and actually go through with it.

pushing urself to step outside of ur comfort zones would help a ton, in terms of getting better. only then do you outgrow yourself and what you're going through.

i had anxiety talking to people. i forced myself one day to work retail as my first job, meet people and talk to different people everyday; and it helped a ton and helped me fight the weakness i had in talking and meeting people.

Do something like that perhaps, a job that surrounds u around people. Forces u to interact. Volunteer, clubbing, etc. its hard at the beginning, it truly is, its just having that strength to fight through the obstacles of pain at the beginning.