OopsIdidntwanttodie
Ctb by the 20th of December
- Oct 11, 2020
- 137
Hello again,
I just wanted to talk about my experience with partial hanging almost half a year ago. If my mom did not barge into my room I would've died.
Before I found SS, the only way I could CTB was by hanging. I only read whatever I could on the LostAllHope website.
First, I did a slip knot using a jump rope and tied it over a bar inside my closet. Next to me was my speaker. I'm not really into drugs and smoking weed but I have smoked it before with friends and I knew that it was what I needed to overcome my SI. I managed to get some from a friend and took a couple hits before my attempt.
Before I knew it, my body was heavy and everything was doubling over, slowing down, and speeding up at the same time. I put on my favorite playlist with volume on max, wrapped myself in a blanket, made a comfy nest of pillows, put my head through the noose and let my body weight pull me down, making sure that the pressure was against my carotid artery.
Here is what I remember: I was able to breath and I don't recall a build up of pressure in my head. There was soft icy tingling all over my body and I felt very light. Being really high, all I could focus on was how beautiful the music was and how wonderful my body felt. It was so euphoric, I recall realizing that I wasn't even breathing at some point because I was so immersed in the music that surrounded me. It would've been so easy to slip away, and honestly I was about to.
Unfortunately my mom smelled the weed, barged into my room, yelled, cried, fought with me, and guilt tripped me. She took away the weed and concluded I was a drug addict even though I only ever smoked two to three times before (which she doesn't know).
I promised her I was not a drug addict and that I would never do something like that again, and was able to just go to bed afterwards. The morning after I had a horrible headache and my face had a lot of petechiae.
It was pretty traumatic looking back at it, even if I could only recall how beautiful it felt (which is a weird way to describe it.) I wouldn't try it again because I don't want to smoke weed and I don't like the thought of being found hanging in a closet. I want to CTB in my right mind otherwise, to me it wouldn't be right.
Please keep in mind that this is my experience and experiences can vary per person.
Thanks for reading all the way if you have :)
I just wanted to talk about my experience with partial hanging almost half a year ago. If my mom did not barge into my room I would've died.
Before I found SS, the only way I could CTB was by hanging. I only read whatever I could on the LostAllHope website.
First, I did a slip knot using a jump rope and tied it over a bar inside my closet. Next to me was my speaker. I'm not really into drugs and smoking weed but I have smoked it before with friends and I knew that it was what I needed to overcome my SI. I managed to get some from a friend and took a couple hits before my attempt.
Before I knew it, my body was heavy and everything was doubling over, slowing down, and speeding up at the same time. I put on my favorite playlist with volume on max, wrapped myself in a blanket, made a comfy nest of pillows, put my head through the noose and let my body weight pull me down, making sure that the pressure was against my carotid artery.
Here is what I remember: I was able to breath and I don't recall a build up of pressure in my head. There was soft icy tingling all over my body and I felt very light. Being really high, all I could focus on was how beautiful the music was and how wonderful my body felt. It was so euphoric, I recall realizing that I wasn't even breathing at some point because I was so immersed in the music that surrounded me. It would've been so easy to slip away, and honestly I was about to.
Unfortunately my mom smelled the weed, barged into my room, yelled, cried, fought with me, and guilt tripped me. She took away the weed and concluded I was a drug addict even though I only ever smoked two to three times before (which she doesn't know).
I promised her I was not a drug addict and that I would never do something like that again, and was able to just go to bed afterwards. The morning after I had a horrible headache and my face had a lot of petechiae.
It was pretty traumatic looking back at it, even if I could only recall how beautiful it felt (which is a weird way to describe it.) I wouldn't try it again because I don't want to smoke weed and I don't like the thought of being found hanging in a closet. I want to CTB in my right mind otherwise, to me it wouldn't be right.
Please keep in mind that this is my experience and experiences can vary per person.
Thanks for reading all the way if you have :)
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