I am quite exhausted and had to choose a topic for a rather short thread. (compared to my other threads - well no success in that. Lol.)
I don't have that much to tell about my way how to rebel against parents. I had a very traumatizing and abusive childhood. I experienced a lot of violence and one could call it in a euphemistic way very Prussian. I did that as a teenager till I noticed it destroyed my vegetative nervous system.
I think my relationship with my mom is in many instances very toxic and always was. I always had a very close bond to her while she beated the shit out of me since the age of 5. I think this is one reason why I never rebelled against my parents. I always had severe brutal repercussion even if I was a little bit cheeky. To be honest I think I always was a very calm and innocent child that barely had the courage to provoke his parents. And still she abused the shit out of me. I think I stopped allowing myself to be a little bit cheeky and developed severe self-hatred and internalized the pain. I think to internalize pain and pressure, not finding a proper valve is a good way to make a human a complete mental wreck which also happened to me.
I have to say one thing is good. I read The Pale king of DFW recently. And DFW blamed himself for being such a mess (he did not blame it on the drugs). I think if ever had taken drugs I would torture me every single second on earth for it. At least I can blame it on my mom. And the clinical psychologists I met in the psychiatry were very cyncial and one guy had the opinion. If you ever smoked one joint you have threw away your life and you are completely to be blamed for it. Well I never did that. By the way when he was young he smoked cigarrets and I think he likes alcohol. But this is only a side-story.
I am not completely sure whether this metaphor is used on English. But I think due to the fact I never rebelled against my parents I never cut the cord of them. I never became independent. I think the way my mom raised me is a good receip to drive someone to commit suicide. Not being able to be independent. Destroyed nervous system. Self-loathing etc. I could never ever manage half-time college or an half-time job at the same time with the household/ to go to the grocery store. If my mom is lucky she will die before I kill myself. Really I think for my mom herself it could be benefical to die before that happens. It will break her heart for sure. But I just cannot cope with insane pain again. Our family is in huge trouble despite the fact they are not fully aware of it. In case she was in an hospital after a new stroke I would let her die in peace and with her believing in hope for an happy end for me. And well then shortly afterwards I plan to kill myself. I don't know it feels like something a responsible adult/citizen would do. Not the suicide part but the thing with not letting her die in such a pain. However I am no saint and my parents are certainly no reason for me not to kill myself while they are alive.
So I barely rebelled against them. They were very much anti-drugs. And I completely (gladly) adapted their stance. I am even more anti-drugs than them. I don't drink any alcohol. Politically I also adapted to them in some ways I was a conservative as a teenager. Politically I have distanced myself from them later in my life. I read the same yellow press newspaper as a young teenager and my parents politicized me. I want to make another thread about the yellow press soon. But I think I don't have much sophisticated to say about it. But reading it is stigmatized for sure.
My idea for this thread emerged when I listened to a song of Krafklub. Really it is the only somewhat good German band I can listen to. In one song which I listened to they mock people who watch a certain German trash TV channel which my mom watches/watched. They say something like "Keep watching RTL (the channel) and be glad that there are people who are even more stupid than you." They also mock patriotism and shoot against people who blame all their problems on refugees. And this was a very hot take against my parents. I can remember how my mom felt offended by the lyrics. And I found it funny. Intellectually I also distanced myself from the trash TV culture to that time.
And this was my big rebellion against my parents. Pretty pathetic. I think if had have a healthy relationship with them there would have been more arguments between us. It is rather sad. But I am glad I never started drugs as so many teenagers do. This would have fueled my demise for sure.
I don't have that much to tell about my way how to rebel against parents. I had a very traumatizing and abusive childhood. I experienced a lot of violence and one could call it in a euphemistic way very Prussian. I did that as a teenager till I noticed it destroyed my vegetative nervous system.
I think my relationship with my mom is in many instances very toxic and always was. I always had a very close bond to her while she beated the shit out of me since the age of 5. I think this is one reason why I never rebelled against my parents. I always had severe brutal repercussion even if I was a little bit cheeky. To be honest I think I always was a very calm and innocent child that barely had the courage to provoke his parents. And still she abused the shit out of me. I think I stopped allowing myself to be a little bit cheeky and developed severe self-hatred and internalized the pain. I think to internalize pain and pressure, not finding a proper valve is a good way to make a human a complete mental wreck which also happened to me.
I have to say one thing is good. I read The Pale king of DFW recently. And DFW blamed himself for being such a mess (he did not blame it on the drugs). I think if ever had taken drugs I would torture me every single second on earth for it. At least I can blame it on my mom. And the clinical psychologists I met in the psychiatry were very cyncial and one guy had the opinion. If you ever smoked one joint you have threw away your life and you are completely to be blamed for it. Well I never did that. By the way when he was young he smoked cigarrets and I think he likes alcohol. But this is only a side-story.
I am not completely sure whether this metaphor is used on English. But I think due to the fact I never rebelled against my parents I never cut the cord of them. I never became independent. I think the way my mom raised me is a good receip to drive someone to commit suicide. Not being able to be independent. Destroyed nervous system. Self-loathing etc. I could never ever manage half-time college or an half-time job at the same time with the household/ to go to the grocery store. If my mom is lucky she will die before I kill myself. Really I think for my mom herself it could be benefical to die before that happens. It will break her heart for sure. But I just cannot cope with insane pain again. Our family is in huge trouble despite the fact they are not fully aware of it. In case she was in an hospital after a new stroke I would let her die in peace and with her believing in hope for an happy end for me. And well then shortly afterwards I plan to kill myself. I don't know it feels like something a responsible adult/citizen would do. Not the suicide part but the thing with not letting her die in such a pain. However I am no saint and my parents are certainly no reason for me not to kill myself while they are alive.
So I barely rebelled against them. They were very much anti-drugs. And I completely (gladly) adapted their stance. I am even more anti-drugs than them. I don't drink any alcohol. Politically I also adapted to them in some ways I was a conservative as a teenager. Politically I have distanced myself from them later in my life. I read the same yellow press newspaper as a young teenager and my parents politicized me. I want to make another thread about the yellow press soon. But I think I don't have much sophisticated to say about it. But reading it is stigmatized for sure.
My idea for this thread emerged when I listened to a song of Krafklub. Really it is the only somewhat good German band I can listen to. In one song which I listened to they mock people who watch a certain German trash TV channel which my mom watches/watched. They say something like "Keep watching RTL (the channel) and be glad that there are people who are even more stupid than you." They also mock patriotism and shoot against people who blame all their problems on refugees. And this was a very hot take against my parents. I can remember how my mom felt offended by the lyrics. And I found it funny. Intellectually I also distanced myself from the trash TV culture to that time.
And this was my big rebellion against my parents. Pretty pathetic. I think if had have a healthy relationship with them there would have been more arguments between us. It is rather sad. But I am glad I never started drugs as so many teenagers do. This would have fueled my demise for sure.
