I think my mother tried her best and she is a good parent. She tried to help me get through school knowing I had a very hard time there. She sought out support groups and resources to help manage my autism diagnosis in childhood. She gifted me with things that made me happy. I do love my mother. If she was abusive to me in the same way my father was, I imagine I would have already ended my life a long time ago.
My father, on the other hand, is probably genuinely one of the worst human beings to inhabit the country I live in. Millions of citizens here and my father easily qualifies for the bottom 0.01% percentile if we were to try to quantify everyone based on how "good" or "bad" they are (I know that's impossible to do, I'm just trying to get a point across that my father is a horrific, vile, treacherous human being). I sometimes feel disgusted and utterly repulsed at the thought that I am his spawn - that he allowed me to exist. Such a horrible man created me, and that scares me a lot.