Help how far would i be set back if i got committed?

[xx1]

i am a college student. my degree requires summer classes. i work two jobs and have a partner. i don't have many friends, but a few, and my family is mostly very loving.
i have dealt with mental health issues for roughly seven years now, with an approximately six month period where i felt completely normal. it's been probably three months since then, and i feel like i never improved. however, i'm now in the "real world," doing "real things" that matter and have long term implications for my life.
to some extent, the issues i'm dealing with are probably rooted in autism, hereditary mental illnesses, and menstrual problems. isolation from being on the spectrum, unexplained depressive and anxious symptoms, and becoming exceptionally worse in condition during my cycle. it all becomes very difficult to put into words, probably for many reasons, but it all eventually culminates in a deep desire to ctb or otherwise sh, which i understand professionals have to report no matter what. i want to stop feeling like this now that i know what it feels like to be better, but i'm deeply concerned with how being committed would affect my life as it currently stands.
would i still graduate on time? how badly would my grades slip?
would i get to keep either of my jobs? what would my coworkers think of me?
what if i become too much for my partner?
i feel terrible for my parents, my mom especially. she was so happy when i was better. my sister is too young to be deserving of such a freak individual for a sibling.
my partner has mentioned possible outpatient treatment, but my other main concern is cost. i know for a fact i would not be able to pay for any of this treatment myself even with my parents' (really good) insurance, and i feel incredibly guilty asking my parents for more money. they help me out a lot financially already.
is getting committed the right answer? i'm mortified of how it will affect my life, socially, professionally, academically, and financially. these things would have to get worse before they get better, and i don't know if i can handle that. but, what is the alternative? create my own help? try again to seek professional help and keep the main issue under wraps? stew over this and boil over? i don't think i can handle any of that. i don't know where to start.

 

[Celerity]

i am a college student. my degree requires summer classes. i work two jobs and have a partner. i don't have many friends, but a few, and my family is mostly very loving.
i have dealt with mental health issues for roughly seven years now, with an approximately six month period where i felt completely normal. it's been probably three months since then, and i feel like i never improved. however, i'm now in the "real world," doing "real things" that matter and have long term implications for my life.
to some extent, the issues i'm dealing with are probably rooted in autism, hereditary mental illnesses, and menstrual problems. isolation from being on the spectrum, unexplained depressive and anxious symptoms, and becoming exceptionally worse in condition during my cycle. it all becomes very difficult to put into words, probably for many reasons, but it all eventually culminates in a deep desire to ctb or otherwise sh, which i understand professionals have to report no matter what. i want to stop feeling like this now that i know what it feels like to be better, but i'm deeply concerned with how being committed would affect my life as it currently stands.
would i still graduate on time? how badly would my grades slip?
would i get to keep either of my jobs? what would my coworkers think of me?
what if i become too much for my partner?
i feel terrible for my parents, my mom especially. she was so happy when i was better. my sister is too young to be deserving of such a freak individual for a sibling.
my partner has mentioned possible outpatient treatment, but my other main concern is cost. i know for a fact i would not be able to pay for any of this treatment myself even with my parents' (really good) insurance, and i feel incredibly guilty asking my parents for more money. they help me out a lot financially already.
is getting committed the right answer? i'm mortified of how it will affect my life, socially, professionally, academically, and financially. these things would have to get worse before they get better, and i don't know if i can handle that. but, what is the alternative? create my own help? try again to seek professional help and keep the main issue under wraps? stew over this and boil over? i don't think i can handle any of that. i don't know where to start.

How did you come to the idea that you need to be committed? Is it something someone suggested to you?

If you were committed and had to take time off from school, how much time do you think it would take to catch up? The length of the semester? A year? Three years? Five? I can tell you as someone trying to get my life together at 30 that you have more time than you think. In my early 20s, I knew I had to get everything done right now, exactly as I planned it or my life would be ruined. In fact, you will not be trapped in a bad life if you make a bad decision now or none at all and what looks like a good path now may reveal itself in retrospect to be something that wasn't ever meant for you. All this is to say that slowing down your schooling doesn't need to be a crisis and is actually a minor concern when balanced against the risk of losing your life and the hope of solid recovery.

If you can't keep your job, can you move back in with your parents while you deal with this? It's not ideal, but I repeat what I said earlier - this doesn't have to be forever, and you have more time than you think. You coworkers also don't need to know anything about why you left work. Your employer shouldn't legally be able to disclose anything, and it is not in their business interest to do so. You can change jobs if it is too much or make up a BS story about an illness for yourself or in the family. Most people will take the hint not to pry and the ones who don't are not people you want to associate with anyway.

As for your family and partner, I think any of them would want to prioritize your well-being rather than "tough it out" for their sake and maybe fail when the stakes are so high. Take your mother's perspective - would you want your child to forego potentially life saving treatment because they were ashamed to ask for money?

Ultimately, this is something you have to decide for yourself. Years ago, a therapist recommended inpatient treatment, and I refused more out of stubbornness and denial than anything else. Obviously, I am still here and managed to make do without it, but maybe the therapeutic self-work I have done over many years would have been attainable then in a matter of months if I had tried it. Either way, it may be just what you need. Money is definitely a limiting factor, but I would personally not put too much weight on worries about time and what will happen if you don't get XYZ done in the timeframe you planned for them. In times of such uncertainty, slowing down can be a blessing in itself.

 

[ApparentlyNot]

"...the issues i'm dealing with are probably rooted in autism, hereditary mental illnesses, and menstrual problems"

I relate a lot of what you're experiencing, as my problems essentially stem from these things also. especially when I was younger and still in college. First of all, do you think you potentially have PMDD? You have described some things that make me wonder if you experience other symptoms.

When I was in college, I had to leave to have myself institutionalized. Looking back, it was absolutely necessary for me at the time - I simply could not have kept going in the way I was. My college, because they acknowledged my issues as being pertinent, allowed it to count as necessary medical leave, and they actually allowed all the classes I was taking to be dropped without influencing my GPA and the cost of the classes to be covered. Yes, this set me back an entire semester, but this tremendously helped alleviate the burden, so talk to your school and explain your situation. However, I sort of broke after the whole incident and never went back to school, but it doesn't sound like you're anything like me.

Coming from someone who felt a similar way, DO NOT THINK that taking a single semester off school is going to set you back in life, especially if you need to get help! Just be honest with yourself, what is going to happen if you just keep pushing through without help? Is this sustainable?

Your coworkers should not even be aware of where you went. But don't rule out their knowledge because sometimes bosses violate privacy. However, speaking to your boss about what you can expect when/if you get back is the only way to know.

About your mom, please just ask her for help. She clearly just wants you there with her. Much love, sorry you're going through all this.

 

[xx1]

How did you come to the idea that you need to be committed? Is it something someone suggested to you?

If you were committed and had to take time off from school, how much time do you think it would take to catch up? The length of the semester? A year? Three years? Five? I can tell you as someone trying to get my life together at 30 that you have more time than you think. In my early 20s, I knew I had to get everything done right now, exactly as I planned it or my life would be ruined. In fact, you will not be trapped in a bad life if you make a bad decision now or none at all and what looks like a good path now may reveal itself in retrospect to be something that wasn't ever meant for you. All this is to say that slowing down your schooling doesn't need to be a crisis and is actually a minor concern when balanced against the risk of losing your life and the hope of solid recovery.

If you can't keep your job, can you move back in with your parents while you deal with this? It's not ideal, but I repeat what I said earlier - this doesn't have to be forever, and you have more time than you think. You coworkers also don't need to know anything about why you left work. Your employer shouldn't legally be able to disclose anything, and it is not in their business interest to do so. You can change jobs if it is too much or make up a BS story about an illness for yourself or in the family. Most people will take the hint not to pry and the ones who don't are not people you want to associate with anyway.

As for your family and partner, I think any of them would want to prioritize your well-being rather than "tough it out" for their sake and maybe fail when the stakes are so high. Take your mother's perspective - would you want your child to forego potentially life saving treatment because they were ashamed to ask for money?

Ultimately, this is something you have to decide for yourself. Years ago, a therapist recommended inpatient treatment, and I refused more out of stubbornness and denial than anything else. Obviously, I am still here and managed to make do without it, but maybe the therapeutic self-work I have done over many years would have been attainable then in a matter of months if I had tried it. Either way, it may be just what you need. Money is definitely a limiting factor, but I would personally not put too much weight on worries about time and what will happen if you don't get XYZ done in the timeframe you planned for them. In times of such uncertainty, slowing down can be a blessing in itself.

i have been harming myself more than id like to admit in recent time, and it's getting too frequent not only in occurrence but with how much of my thoughts it occupies. therefore, i understand it makes sense to be committed to prevent further harm.

i would probably graduate about a year late, if i got far enough behind to fail most of my classes. i could possibly try to make it up over summers, but the existing summer requirements make that extremely difficult.

i could move back in, but it would mean moving across the entire country and being far from my partner which is, at this time, out of the question.

i am going to try and make this work for myself, but slowing down is going to be very difficult. i think im going to try discussing accommodations with the accessibility department of my school and what a short break for treatment might look like, and then decide how i want to proceed. but, i think treatment is non negotiable. i'm going to talk to my mom about how she thinks i can pay for it, if at all, and what she thinks is best too. i want to be better, not just for everyone in my life but for myself. thank you very much :)

"...the issues i'm dealing with are probably rooted in autism, hereditary mental illnesses, and menstrual problems"

I relate a lot of what you're experiencing, as my problems essentially stem from these things also. especially when I was younger and still in college. First of all, do you think you potentially have PMDD? You have described some things that make me wonder if you experience other symptoms.

When I was in college, I had to leave to have myself institutionalized. Looking back, it was absolutely necessary for me at the time - I simply could not have kept going in the way I was. My college, because they acknowledged my issues as being pertinent, allowed it to count as necessary medical leave, and they actually allowed all the classes I was taking to be dropped without influencing my GPA and the cost of the classes to be covered. Yes, this set me back an entire semester, but this tremendously helped alleviate the burden, so talk to your school and explain your situation. However, I sort of broke after the whole incident and never went back to school, but it doesn't sound like you're anything like me.

Coming from someone who felt a similar way, DO NOT THINK that taking a single semester off school is going to set you back in life, especially if you need to get help! Just be honest with yourself, what is going to happen if you just keep pushing through without help? Is this sustainable?

Your coworkers should not even be aware of where you went. But don't rule out their knowledge because sometimes bosses violate privacy. However, speaking to your boss about what you can expect when/if you get back is the only way to know.

About your mom, please just ask her for help. She clearly just wants you there with her. Much love, sorry you're going through all this.

PMDD has been suggested to me, and im going to see my PCP in a couple weeks to discuss it more. i think exploring that as a contributor could be really helpful.

i'm not sure if my school would be quite that accepting, but i know there are people i can talk to discuss it. i didn't think necessary medical leave would be considered, but your story gives me hope!!

i honestly think that given my history i probably could finish school without treatment, but i don't think i'd be the same person after and i think i deserve to be on the same page as my peers.

work is definitely much less of a concern thanks to this help!

i know my mom wants me to be ok and i do too. im gonna talk with her more, probably also discuss accommodations with my school's accessibility department and what a short break would mean for my schooling as a whole. thank you so much for your kind words, they've put me in a much better spot. i'm going to be ok :)

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

You could go in voluntarily. Come out when you want. Just spend a month in there or whatever to get the help you need. Hopefully your work will understand and you can catch up on study. Maybe try and study while you're in there?