How far can the survival instinct go?

[suffering]

SI is the monster than keeps me chained. I recently watched 'Into the wild', based on a true story where a guy gets stuck into the wild and dies of starvation. AFAIK, Kafka died of starvation as well. Why didn't these men commit suicide? Was it that they hoped someone would rescue them? They both seemed sort of misanthropic, at least Kafka, so weren't they "cured" of the desire to live?
Was it the SI that kept them?
This makes me very fearful, especially knowing my own failed experience in trying to overcome my SI and find sweet release.
Lately I've been thinking that given my condition (high SI) my only logical solution would be to become one of those workaholics and health freaks, just so I can make sure I die of natural causes and I avoid any financial trouble or sickness.

 

[therhydler]

How would they commit suicide? Maybe they just didn't have the means to do it in a way they found feasible...

True, SI is a bitch. That's why I'm inclining towards full suspension instead of partial, though it freaks me out a bit... But I just don't see myslef going all the way with partial. It sucks

 

[Crazy I]

From my personal experience SI is really hard to overcome, i almost drowned twice and almost died because SI made my body struggle instead of calmly swim up. I think there are several ways to overcome SI like restraining yourself with tape or choosing full suspension but all i can say that if you really want to you can overcome SI.
Oh and into the wild guys, i dont think they want to die and clings into hope even at their lowest point. Bcs i heard a testimony of someone whis trapped in a car bcs of landslide that he survived by drinking water for three days ( i forgot what kind of water but i remember that it is from the car) and that all he could think of was how he could survive. Maybe those guys have the same mindset as this guy but a different outcome.

 

[suffering]

but all i can say that if you really want to you can overcome SI.

I strongly disagree with this. Maybe you are more brave and for this reason you draw your conclusion from your personal observations. I know for sure that I really, really, wanted to die and that the SI got in the way in the most horrible way possible. I lived an absolute nightmare trying to overcome it and my failure was the biggest humiliation life ever gave me. I will never be the same after facing that monster.

 

[Retched]

SI is why we are here yet. I'm baffled at how it holds a grip on me.

 

[2 be or not]

Since SI is based in fear and seems hard-wired into our DNA, does anyone think it can be overcome with benzos like xanax or diazepam? Has anyone failed while attempting suicide while under their influence?

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

Si can manifest itself in other ways, For instance: keeping alive so others are not affected.

I had an encounter where I knew (or thought I did) without a shadow of a doubt I was dying and would die right then and there, and my brain confers to me (also without a shadow of a dought) that death is the end you will never exist again. That was overwhelming distresfull info at the time, expecially because I had an nde before and it was firmly established in my mind that we do continue on after death. But this to is part of the si system (but damn if that brain didn't know what trigger to push and it seemed absolute and certain).

 

[MsM3talGamer]

SI is a total bitch which causes something like Stockholm Syndrome in our brains. It makes us hang on even when it's not worth it. I've been suicidal since the age of about 10 years old. However, when I had the opportunity to die in 2011, I went to the hospital and got saved instead. Seven years on I really regret getting myself saved as everything has gone to hell now.

I really wish my SI would fuck off and leave me alone.

 

[2 be or not]

SI is a total bitch which causes something like Stockholm Syndrome in our brains. It makes us hang on even when it's not worth it. I've been suicidal since the age of about 10 years old. However, when I had the opportunity to die in 2011, I went to the hospital and got saved instead. Seven years on I really regret getting myself saved as everything has gone to hell now.

I really wish my SI would fuck off and leave me alone.

Thank you for that! I had to look up 'Stockholm Syndrome', never knew the concept to be formulated that way but seems applicable to our political-social-economic system that induces misery on most while the few get to enjoy life unimagined by those of us under its influence. We argue over which pig in charge over us is better.

 

[hunter_lewis]

I think the SI can be very strong. I read a story of one person on another suicide forum in my country. He threw himself into a big river and thought he would drown-not even close! He was on the verge of blacking out because of the exhaustion and cold and woke up washed up on the river's beach. He actually woke up of cold and went straightaway to the hospital because he was so miserable. There, he was sectioned. But his SI was so strong that his body somehow kept swimming even when partly conscious.

 

[hunter_lewis]

Also I think that when sitting in a warm room, being pain free and being in front of the computer in your pyjamas, people tend to think that they can overcome this or that, or that they will surely die if they so desire. But when you are in that final situation, in your final minutes of life, you do tend to start regretting your decision and thinking about it differently. I have never been so close to ctb because of my chronic pain but still I slog on because dying is not what I really want-I will only do it when all other options fail. And even so, I am scared of taking the final step in doing so. I wish N were more available-it would really help us.

 

[TiredHorse]

The closest I came to success, a few weeks ago, I had the bag over my head, the nitrogen flowing, and I was just beginning to black out.

It then seemed as if my persona split in two:

The first part of me, loud and raging, was desperate to die --terrified, wretched, disbelieving that everything has crumbled around me, but desperate and longing to die. Me, the id, ego, and super-ego, united in purpose; afraid but at last courageous.

Then along came the second part, entirely calm, much quieter and smaller, and took over command of my physical body just long enough to calmly remove the bag from my head and turn off the gas valve. That damned Survival Instinct.

I felt like a little child, impotent and outraged as an adult lifted me away from my game and set me in my crib, then left me alone and sobbing. It was the most frustrating, demoralizing, and exhausting experience I have ever endured.

One day I will overcome SI. But I have no idea how, and right now I'm too damned tired to have a reasonable chance.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

What's keeping me here at the moment is the fear of being resusitated. Would love to live like that into the wild guy. Just completely cut myself out from the rest of the world so I could officially ctb in peace without fear of being revived. But in a warmer climate lol, that would be the closest thing to any sort of pardise I could ever experiance.