How does your depression manifest?

[ve.nin]

Me:

Emptiness
Sadness
Loneliness
Hopelessness
Boredom
Feeling like I'm being stabbed emotionally when something painful from the past comes up or I see something I really want on the outside
Fatigue
A lot of coffee, cigarettes, sugar, staying on my phone, overeating
Nightmares
Time passes so fucking slowly

 

[f1lth]

i get panic attacks, sometimes i throw up, cant eat for days, rotting away in bed, constant dissociation, it often feels almost impossible to get off my phone and get up to do something, anxiety about sleeping, excessive drinking also

 

[ve.nin]

i get panic attacks, sometimes i throw up, cant eat for days, rotting away in bed, constant dissociation, it often feels almost impossible to get off my phone and get up to do something, anxiety about sleeping, excessive drinking also

i get panic attacks, sometimes i throw up, cant eat for days, rotting away in bed, constant dissociation, it often feels almost impossible to get off my phone and get up to do something, anxiety about sleeping, excessive drinking also

We're in so much suffering man…

 

[ABSOLUTION]

The persistent feeling of doom. It's like this queasy feeling that stays no matter what else I'm doing or feeling.
I can only attempt to distract myself, but after that it comes right back.

 

[ve.nin]

The persistent feeling of doom. It's like this queasy feeling that stays no matter what else I'm doing or feeling.
I can only attempt to distract myself, but after that it comes right back.

What does doom feel like for you?

 

[ADeadBunny]

I'm not sure exactly how I feel anymore. I'm just numb most of the time, but sometimes I feel a little... outgoing? Like maybe I can help someone not become me I guess.

What usually triggers an emotional response from me though is any reminder of my mistakes in my past. I have a few big regrets that hurt a lot to think about. They're about to wash away with me though.

Oh and my parents just being around them completely fries my brain and makes me want to die. I can deal with my mom on her own sometimes, but she contributed HEAVILY to my current mental state. If I could forgive either of my parents though it would probably be her, because at least she didn't hit me.

But yeah I don't feel much at all really only occasional sparks of something. Just enough to give my writing some sort of feel.

 

[ve.nin]

I'm not sure exactly how I feel anymore. I'm just numb most of the time, but sometimes I feel a little... outgoing? Like maybe I can help someone not become me I guess.

What usually triggers an emotional response from me though is any reminder of my mistakes in my past. I have a few big regrets that hurt a lot to think about. They're about to wash away with me though.

Oh and my parents just being around them completely fries my brain and makes me want to die. I can deal with my mom on her own sometimes, but she contributed HEAVILY to my current mental state. If I could forgive either of my parents though it would probably be her, because at least she didn't hit me.

But yeah I don't feel much at all really only occasional sparks of something. Just enough to give my writing some sort of feel.

 

[Pluto]

For me it is mainly physical. I'm keeping up with work and exercise, but it is an unbelievable strain to do so and leaves no energy for anything else. The house has been a pigsty for months. People have commented on me puffing and panting and groaning in everyday tasks, and it's certainly not because I'm unfit.

 

[ABSOLUTION]

What does doom feel like for you?

There is no solution to the problems that have plagued me from the start and ruined my life.
I cannot rationalize any of it, so it just heavily lingers in my head indefinitely unresolved.

Combined with anxiety and how I wish CTB wasn't the only option left, it's this miserable feeling that I can even feel in my chest.
I call it doom, because ultimately nothing can make it go away unless I CTB.

 

[ve.nin]

There is no solution to the problems that have plagued me from the start and ruined my life.
I cannot rationalize any of it, so it just heavily lingers in my head indefinitely unresolved.

Combined with anxiety and how I wish CTB wasn't the only option left, it's this miserable feeling that I can even feel in my chest.
I call it doom, because ultimately nothing can make it go away unless I CTB.

That seems really painful

I'm really sorry

 

[anxious_depressive]

Well, for me, it's

Extreme fatigue.
Trouble concentrating.
Lack of motivation to do anything.
A feeling of worthlessness.
Strong self-hatred
Feeling of heaviness in the chest
Frequent anxiety attacks, after that it's back to complete indifference

It's a real torment.

 

[blacksand]

panic attacks and jerking up to 10 times a day.

 

[the_path_of_sorrows]

Self hatred and psychosis. The more intense it gets, the more terrifying the experience is. Like I can sense my rational mind being afraid of the emotional vulnerable me. Then unpredictability, delusions that "I must" and paranoia hits and at times even voices begin (worst case scenario, been there, failed, still here). That's how I know that I won't make it out alive. It gets better only to get worse later. Every single relapse hits harder.

 

[ve.nin]

panic attacks and jerking up to 10 times a day.

How long does is take to jerk off 10 times? And how do you feel after all ten?

Seriously

Self hatred and psychosis. The more intense it gets, the more terrifying the experience is. Like I can sense my rational mind being afraid of the emotional vulnerable me. Then unpredictability, delusions that "I must" and paranoia hits and at times even voices begin (worst case scenario, been there, failed, still here). That's how I know that I won't make it out alive. It gets better only to get worse later. Every single relapse hits harder.

So sorry… I relate a lot to the part where you're afraid of yourself, your emotional side

 

[MiMif]

What does doom feel like for you?

Not the one who said what your replying to but I relate. To me it feels unbearable like the simple act of breathing is unbearable I feel uncomfortable in my own body and start to disassociate with everything. It's unbearable I'm alive but not I feel like I have nothing to do but at the same time I feel like I have a million things to do. An invisible weight is ontop of me and no matter what I do it doesn't disappear and when i try to distract myself with social media it gets worst...I honestly might soon resort to smoking or alcohol cause apparently people say it helps to get better

 

[ve.nin]

If i am not constantly working then the feelings kick in and it is a living hell

How much does keeping yourself busy all the time help?

 

[blacksand]

How long does is take to jerk off 10 times? And how do you feel after all ten?

Seriously

So sorry… I relate a lot to the part where you're afraid of yourself, your emotional side

All day, granted I've only been suicidally depressed as a neet so time is in no short supply lol. I usually feel drained but its one of the few times my insane high sex drive is satiated.

 

[DT2007]

Me:

Emptiness
Sadness
Loneliness
Hopelessness
Boredom
Feeling like I'm being stabbed emotionally when something painful from the past comes up or I see something I really want on the outside
Fatigue
A lot of coffee, cigarettes, sugar, staying on my phone, overeating
Nightmares
Time passes so fucking slowly

Same here. Except for nightmares

 

[ve.nin]

Same here. Except for nightmares

Thank you for the honesty

 

[traumer]

probably dissociation for me... i keep messing up my friendships just because i don't have any social energy left, i can't even let them i'm gonna dissociate it just happens and it's like i forget how to communicate everytime this happens. i forget to eat, shower and other stuff, my brain doesn't function well, i just exist and play games. sometimes i'm even tried to play games so i just lay down. it's really surprising for my family and friends because i'm normally the girl who is so lively and social.

 

[sparkdarkmark]

When I remember how much of a failure I am especially in the classroom, most in chemistry class.

 

[DT2007]

Thank you for the honesty

Ur welcome. Why lie about that shit. its horrible enough as it is

 

[Smelly_ballz]

It feels:
Angry
Chaotic
My chest feels like it has bricks tied to it and there is pain from my chest to my fingers
Sadness
Numbness
No energy or motivation
Fatigue

 

[Neogoloid]

Laziness.

Eating junk food.

Lack of motivation, even small tasks feel like a drag to get through.

Finding comfort in nostalgic things such as old shows and good memories.

Mental exhaustion, it's strange because I don't often feel physically tired, my body isn't tired. But my brain feels drained.

 

[BlockHammer]

Feels like i haven't achieve anything great, my friend already had his buisness and buy luxury cars, some of them at least already got a job. Meanwhile i still struggling to find my job

 

[sad_rock]

emptiness
heart palpitations
light headedness
dread
no motivation
slobbiness
bedrotting
no appetite
poor hygiene
oversleeping

panic attacks and jerking up to 10 times a day.

sorry if this is brash but how is this possible ( the jerking part)

 

[Abyssal]

Hopelessness, nightmares, tears, lies.

Anxiety attacks on special occasions

 

[gbi2]

Everything seems futile.
I was taught to never let anger out. When I was a kid I would have a tantrum but I'd be belittled for it and made to feel like my feeling didn't matter, so I quickly learned to believe how I felt didn't matter and when something got to me I just had to bottle it up. Now I am having a problem holding it in especially as so much has gone wrong in just over a year. Even the faux compassion that people use is making me angry. You might know what I mean, when people talk softly and take longer to say each word thinking it sounds like they care, but it actually comes across as being treated like an unstable child.
The depression also make me feel stupid. I take so long to process things. I can have a conversation with someone, agree to something or they get something wrong about what I am going through and it isn't for a day or two after where I realis they were wrong. Then I have to try and remember to correct them the next time I talk to them, and often I forget.

 

[just_a_guy]

pushing people away but at the same time not wanting to be alone, comparing myself to other people, wanting to just sleep, hating myself, suicidal thoughts, very graphic violent scenarios in my head of things happening to me