Discussion How does your autism affect your thoughts of ctb?

[trytrytryagain]

For me I feel mostly a deep disconnection with people. Not being able to talk in the ways people want me to talk to them, and it makes me feel like I shouldn't exist if I can't be a social being in society. It really negates my sense of identity too.

I got heavily bullied in high school, but I think I found out in my adulthood that I can be quite extroverted, I love talking to people who have the same interests as me and let me talk passionately about them. Main problem is, it's usually just other autistic or neurodivergent people, which is great for friends but not great with dealing with day-to-day people like co-workers, people for school group projects, etc. who are usually neurotypical.

I feel inferior to others in most ways of functioning too, I can't just wash my dishes because of the feel of soggy food on my hands, so I need gloves, but if I'm over at a friend's house and I have to clean up after myself and they don't have gloves I feel so awkward trying to explain it to them that... So I wash it but feel incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed that I'm uncomfortable. It's like god nerfed me lol

ctb feels like I can just escape the overwhelming nature of all these things, it all seems so trivial but it builds up.
If I can't talk to others in the 'proper' way, how will I be able to even be happy in something like a relationship? How can I manage myself without feeling like a failure if all I do is fail at navigating the world 'normally'?

Idk if this is dumb but hopefully somebody relates a bit.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I have autism and I just see myself as not being meant for existing in general which makes me wish to eternally not exist. In general all I wish for is non-existence, all that existence does is create unnecessary problems and suffering.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i relate a lot to what you described. for me it just makes ctb the only logical approach to my problems. if all my problems are caused by me not fitting in to this world, why should i stay? maybe one day society will change and be accepting and accommodating of neurodivergence, but i doubt that will happen in my life time, if at all. i dont know.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Like half of us are on the spectrum. It's essentially why I'm here too.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I do think that they want the neurodivergent brain type out of the population because it doesn't serve the interests of the ruling class to have a group of people who can't be turned into slaves. If u ever noticed growing up, u had a strong sensitivity that the society u live in is just wrong. Like u were able to see the stuff other people can't see or don't acknowledge. So it is by design that we are not accommodated and set up for premature death. This was sort of off the subject sorry. From an early age I was already beginning to reject the conventional life route because I couldn't conform to many hours of being bored. The neurotypical world requires u to have to be bored and feel like ure crawling out of your skin on a regular basis

 

[ohyouknow]

I do not see a connection. I want to ctb because I hate my life, but plenty of autistic people have good lives and don't want to die. I think autism makes my life better. Without it, I would be boring.