tomz323
Walking to the bus stop
- Mar 29, 2019
- 367
Been wondering for awhile now. You know we want to grow and form real relationships but we can't right?
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If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
I wouldn't say that. I was diagnosed with it but I've never placed too much importance on it. It's all the time spent in an out of mental health services I find hard to live with. I've stopped trying to fit in and embrace being an outsider. I find when people like me they really like me and they're not just acquaintances
Oblivion Lover
No life, no suffering
- May 30, 2019
- 360
I have to disagree. Being an Aspie, or an introvert in general, is not a bad thing, and definitely doesn't make a person unable to form meaningful relationships. It just makes us more selective. I have Asperger's syndrome, and I'm a social outcast, but I'm not sad or frustrated. Actually I'm glad for it. Most people around me are just not worth my time, so why should I bother with them? What is the point of having 100 "friends" if you can't really trust them? I'd rather have 2 or 3 real friends instead of a big group. Yes, we're socially awkward according to neurotypicals, but why should we try to please an evil society like ours by changing the way we are? It's not like we're defective. We just see the world in a different way. If most people can't respect that, to hell with them. This is why I believe that autism and the so called personality disorders are not diseases that should be treated. Treating ASDs(autism spectrum disorders) would be the same thing as trying to treat perfectly natural displays of individual personality and emotions such as being introverted or homosexual. Plus, you seem to be totally overlooking the benefits of being an Aspie, or an introverted in general. There are many you can discover by reading personality theory and articles online.
tomz323
Walking to the bus stop
- Mar 29, 2019
- 367
Maybe your right, I was only recently diagnosed so I'm just trying to figure it out. So you think we should just live our lives however we want?
disclaimer I'm a bit off the wagon maybe.
the only issue with not being nuerotypical I usually have is that people find out I'm not nuerotypical. Aside from that maybe some issues with my sleep schedule? I've never really cared for other people sure it was sad growing up without a lot of friends but I made friends and had enjoyable hobbies. I fought when I needed to defend myself, loved the girls that dated me, and worked on my personal issues just like anyone else. All it really means is that people don't relate to your perspective or language very well because everything you are is without the social influence or herd mentality that all humans attach to.
correct me if I'm wrong - please.
the only issue with not being nuerotypical I usually have is that people find out I'm not nuerotypical. Aside from that maybe some issues with my sleep schedule? I've never really cared for other people sure it was sad growing up without a lot of friends but I made friends and had enjoyable hobbies. I fought when I needed to defend myself, loved the girls that dated me, and worked on my personal issues just like anyone else. All it really means is that people don't relate to your perspective or language very well because everything you are is without the social influence or herd mentality that all humans attach to.
correct me if I'm wrong - please.
tomz323
Walking to the bus stop
- Mar 29, 2019
- 367
This is a much better way of saying what Aspergers is than how my doctor explained it. Its good to know that "Aspies" can get girlfriends too.
blind confidence my friend. blind confidence.
I've never struggled getting girls to like me I was just super awkward after getting to that point. my friend described me as a basketball player who learned how to perfectly cross up anyone and get to the hook but always fucked up while taking the open shot. eventually I just started kissing girls when I read their body language was "in the mood" without much thought and it worked out. The first few times were nerve wracking AF but once I got some confidence I was reading the right body movements it got easier.
but BOY do I have some SUPER fucking embarrassing stories from age 13-16 when I was still learning lol. When I was 13 I once watched porn with a girl I'd hung out with for about a year who was no shit a complete 10/10 brazillian girl that to this day has the nicest ass I've ever seen. we watched porn together, my mom left the house and ordered us pizza, we got naked, and I didn't realize she wanted it so I told her I had to leave soon because I had a date with a girl at the movies and I had to walk there because my mom had left. had no idea she was into me because we had been such close friends for so long (she liked me for a while). She said "you're really going to the movies with that other girl" and I was like "yeah I already told her I'd meet her there at 7". regrets. I was still learnin' lol I tried a lot more after that and actually was able to charm girls pretty well
she literally told me to touch her boobs and I still didn't get it lol
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Darkhaven
All i have left is memories
- May 19, 2019
- 979
As long as i could bring enough money to sustain myself alone every month i would be happy.
But i realise that is not enough for everyone.
But i realise that is not enough for everyone.
tomz323
Walking to the bus stop
- Mar 29, 2019
- 367
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,856
I simply cope with my existence and just try my best to live life on my terms with as little interference from others and also try not to step on others' boundaries or negatively impact them. Basically, I'm very laissez-faire when it comes to life (unless it is something that would negatively impact my life). I have accepted that I will always be an outsider, and only now seek to just enjoy what I can from life and fulfill my personal goals. But failing that, then I don't see life worth living for myself.
Oblivion Lover
No life, no suffering
- May 30, 2019
- 360
Yes. As long as you're not intentionally causing innocents to suffer, anyone can live their lives in their own manner and nobody has a right to interfere, however, it doesn't hurt to learn some unwritten rules about neurotypical behavior to avoid conflict and have more stable relationships with them if you wish so.
Oh, and by the way, welcome to the Aspie club.
you can ask me any questions I seem to have diagnosed normal behavior pretty well I read a shitload of psychology in high school to try and understand people better
You are able to form real relationships. But you need help, because this isn't one of your natural skills. I'm certain you have other skills, but you don't have this one - and you shouldn't feel ashamed about that. Being bad at starting relationships is not meaningfully different than being bad at cooking, or computing, or whatever else, save maybe for the fact that the world doesn't respect this skill deficiency.
You won't find the help you need from health care or therapists. They will teach you nothing useful. They will actually harm you.
Take a look at this person: https://www.advicebychloe.com/
She's not the only one out there, but she is damn good at what she does. Reach out to her or someone like her. She can train you.
(In case you're wondering - I have no personal or financial relationship with Chloe. We've never met or spoken.)
You won't find the help you need from health care or therapists. They will teach you nothing useful. They will actually harm you.
Take a look at this person: https://www.advicebychloe.com/
She's not the only one out there, but she is damn good at what she does. Reach out to her or someone like her. She can train you.
(In case you're wondering - I have no personal or financial relationship with Chloe. We've never met or spoken.)
I can share stories like this too - up to and including, at age 22, being in a girl's bedroom, with her spread out on the bed, and me feeling paralyzed, not knowing what to do.
Someone will "cure" Aspergers within five years. Maybe we will be the ones to do it.
The cure won't come from what the world brands as "treatment", though. The people in the system don't get it - and, more insidiously, don't want to get it.
suffering
Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
- Aug 17, 2018
- 398
I don't have Aspergers and I don't see the problem with being unable to form relationships. Other people can only bring misery and one can only be truthful when he/she is alone.
If this mindset works for you, more power to you. It does not work for me.
Being repeatedly imprisoned and instructed to validated this perspective as a condition of release depended and prolonged by depression.
One-size-fits-all "treatments" are a core part of why the system is broken.
AngelGirl
Cat
- May 18, 2019
- 167
I don't have Asperger's, but I am very introverted, have a pretty bad social anxiety, and I have absolutely no social skills.
I do not have any friends and it has been like this at least for 10 years. At this point, I am so used to being alone and just being with another person makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I feel like I'm missing out so much in my life, especially when I see other people hanging out with friends as in girls night out etc., and look like they are having so much fun together.
If you can surround yourself with great supportive friends, that's great and probably that would improve the quality of life so much.
But not having friends is ok I think. You get used to it.
While it is so difficult for me to build a meaningful relationship with friends, or any kind of relationship just in general, I can still have meaningful relationships with boyfriends. I think that's more important. Currently I'm not with anyone, but me having absolutely no social skills or being awkward is usually not a huge problem in finding love because we live in the age of the Internet so I can still go on dates and occasionally find decent guys on dating apps. Irl I can't get guys because I'm way too introverted.
But yeah, even if you have Asperger's, I think you can still find love.
I think dating someone just helps a lot with depression
But too bad I am way too depressed now to even get a tinder account or go on dates.
I do not have any friends and it has been like this at least for 10 years. At this point, I am so used to being alone and just being with another person makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I feel like I'm missing out so much in my life, especially when I see other people hanging out with friends as in girls night out etc., and look like they are having so much fun together.
If you can surround yourself with great supportive friends, that's great and probably that would improve the quality of life so much.
But not having friends is ok I think. You get used to it.
While it is so difficult for me to build a meaningful relationship with friends, or any kind of relationship just in general, I can still have meaningful relationships with boyfriends. I think that's more important. Currently I'm not with anyone, but me having absolutely no social skills or being awkward is usually not a huge problem in finding love because we live in the age of the Internet so I can still go on dates and occasionally find decent guys on dating apps. Irl I can't get guys because I'm way too introverted.
But yeah, even if you have Asperger's, I think you can still find love.
I think dating someone just helps a lot with depression
But too bad I am way too depressed now to even get a tinder account or go on dates.
tomz323
Walking to the bus stop
- Mar 29, 2019
- 367
Not knowing what to do is a big one for me, I know girls that have liked me. I've Even taken some out on dates, could never get further though. Like you said, didn't know what to do. What do you think the best way to "Live" our lives are as Aspies then?
Thanks man, its nice to finally find my people.
As I say - find someone who can teach you.
Someone who actually knows.
It won't be me. I still don't know either.
Someone who actually knows.
It won't be me. I still don't know either.
you know how you figure out what to do? you just try different shit until you find patterns that work (I have different approaches for different female personalities at this point) . I've never had a problem with girls. BLIND CONFIDENCE MY FRIEND. doesn't matter what you're doing - you just be confident in your actions and it'll be ok . Don't be afraid to be awkward there's a certain charm in a man that embraces his awkwardness and makes light of it.
azucaramargo
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2018
- 1,010
This is the most empowered and empowering post I've read in a long time. Thank you. And, rock on.
GinaIsReady
Exit Strategist
- Mar 29, 2019
- 995
I've been reading about Asperger's and have pretty much self-diagnosed it … almost everything I'm reading is resonating strongly and I've scored high on two self-tests. The thing that is confusing me is that I don't know if I have issues with eye contact (perhaps maintaining it). My husband says I do not appear to have issues with it. Do all Aspies have problems making and/or maintaining eye contact?
If anyone would care to share their thoughts and experiences regarding medication for Aspergers as well as for bad social anxiety, I love to hear.
If anyone would care to share their thoughts and experiences regarding medication for Aspergers as well as for bad social anxiety, I love to hear.
My experience:
The issue is that it's not instinctive. It has to be learned. But it can be learned. Once it is learned, it is no longer an issue.
I remember when I was explicitly called out on this in grade 10, by a girl who thought I was staring at her breasts. I was doing no such thing. I was just not conscious of eye contact. I have made a point of forcing it ever since, knowing as I do that others expect it even if it means nothing to me.
GinaIsReady
Exit Strategist
- Mar 29, 2019
- 995
I will be working on it. I'm curious to figure out if I have a problem with it and if so, how much diligence will be needed to learn the new behavior.
ScorpiusDragon
Mage
- Mar 25, 2019
- 593
I relate so much to this. I've never been diagnosed with Asperger's, but I am very introverted and have no social skills. Sometimes, when I am in a social situation, it feels like I'm the last person to understand what is going on socially and I don't notice what a lot of people might think are obvious social cues.
That said, my social anxiety has not been a problem in getting romantic relationships. I'm considered conventionally attractive, and I know I can get a decent number of messages if I created an online dating profile. Strangers have also approached me in coffee shops and on the street to tell me I'm attractive and ask me for my phone number. However, I am too shy and socially awkward to tell a guy IRL that I like him, so all my romantic relationships began on online dating sites.
My social awkwardness has definitely been a huge obstacle in the professional world and in friendships. I've been bullied by coworkers in the past, and I currently have no IRL friends except for my bf and a few SS friends I met IRL.
SelfHatingAspie
Ambitious but rubbish
- Jul 2, 2019
- 198
I can tell you how not to live with Aspergers: pretending that you don't have it. I tried that; it didn't work.
tomz323
Walking to the bus stop
- Mar 29, 2019
- 367
disableddoll
Member
- Jul 2, 2019
- 24
I'd say people with Asbergers form good relationships ! It's just difficult to show kinds of affection or sympathy sometimes. My older brother has asbergers and once i was really hurt by him only because he didn't know what to say. He had given me a christmas present and things came out wrong. But i rembered how difficult it was for him to understand my pain and I was okay. It can be a lot of just saying the wrong thing or nothing at all.
Completely depends on the person. How far you go on the spectrum, your other qualities, such as looks, intelligence etc. People who have no power, autistic or not, are not interesting, nobody wants their company, nobody wants to form relationships with them. Simple as that. It's all about power.
On average, autism is a curse, not a blessing. I hate people who always rant about how they love being "unique" or how they are still successful despite of having autism. For most of us it's nothing but a life of misery. Depression and suicidal ideation run rampant amongst us. Just check the fucking statistics before opening your mouth. Having autism will very likely lead to worse than average quality of life. End of story.
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