Help How does one cope with the fact that all their friends will eventually leave or replace them?

[BreathOnAMirror]

To start off with, I know I'm a lot more fortunate than most people here to even have friends, some people here have no one, some people here have less than no one, but to me having people who love and care about me is in some ways worse than having no one at all, if I had no one I couldn't fear abandonment, couldn't fear having a part of me ripped out when they leave. I've worried that everyone would leave for about a year now, one person, someone very close to me, got distant, started getting close with other people, and essentially left, it felt like a part of me left with them, leaving a hole in me that won't go away, I don't know what I would have done then if I didn't have 4 other close friends for support. Now all 4 of those friends feel like they're getting distant, 2 got into relationships, one never responds to my messages despite the fact I see them talking to other people, and the last is just being distant. I really don't know what to do, I want to cut them all off before they can do the same to me, isolate myself from the world and never let anyone in again lest I get attached and they leave. I love people but my love always just leads to pain and a hollow feeling. What do you guys think I should do, I don't think I could handle talking to them about it, I can't let myself seem pushy, and I've tried to isolate myself many times before but I always cave after a couple days, if anyone has any suggestions on how to either bring it up to them or isolate myself I'd really appreciate it.

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

It's like this. People start off wanting to help people like 'us', but eventually, it gets to be a drag on them, too, and they separate in the most 'polite' way possible. It's not just friends -- it's doctors, counsellors, family members..at some point, they eventually realize that you, that WE, are a lost cause, and they 'cut us loose'. They disconnect. It's a resource thing. These people can only be stretched so far -- the 'resources' they have to distribute are not limitless. It's not pleasant to think about, it's not cozy, it's not comforting...but it's the truth. Because at the end of any day you want to choose...at the end..when the cards are dealt and the chips are on the table.. the only person who gives a single fuck about you...is YOU. For some, life is pain. That's just the way it is. The lion hunts the zebra and the gazelle. In a way, depression and mental illness 'hunts' us. Cumulative life events result in these mental defects. If it's bad -- really bad -- there's nothing you can do about it. Sometimes, you must accept your fate. Just like the wildebeest who only wanted a life-sustaining drink at the waters edge, only to be suddenly and violently snared, pulled under, and devoured by the crocodile -- we are what we are. Please think about it. This is our truth.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

When I was younger, I used to have quite a few friends. Times were different then, we were all heavy party-ers, drinking, smoking dope, that kind of thing. After high school, friends tend to go their own way. It's just the way it is, although you don't realize it at the time. Some that do stick around start making their own lives, which can lead to them drifting apart from each other. Some friends I broke up with, too, for various reasons. I stopped all of my partying in my mid twenties, and the friends I still had at that point, well, we just drifted apart naturally, since we didn't have that aspect in common any longer. I don't know you at all, but you're on a suicide forum, so I wonder, as the other poster alluded to, if you inadvertently give off that "vibe" to people, that you're depressed somewhat, maybe a downer of sorts. If that is true, I could see how that might get "old" for the friends you have currently. Most people like to be around positive people. I don't know if you actually emit that kind of vibe around people. Just postulating. Maybe you don't at all. I can understand your rationale for wanting to issue preemptive strikes in order to forgo any hurt that their leaving may cause you. But, on the other hand, if you don't find out the real reason that your friends seem to be distancing themselves from you, you're always going to be wondering. Sometimes one's perceptions of things can be misleading or downright wrong. I have no friends or family. My family all went and died and left me alone. I know it wasn't their fault and that they didn't do that to me on purpose. It's just a hand of fate that came my way. My advice is see what you kind find out is going on with your friends and go from there. You may just have to be brave and bring up how you're feeling to them so you can find out the truth. Without truth we really don't have much in this world. Good luck.

 

[time2fly]

What I have learned is that most people are really superficial. Depending on your family situation, in most cases, parents and family will still have love for you regardless of whatever situation you are in (not mine but most). As far as friends go, depending on age, most will show their true colors once they realize your situation and feelings. This is what happened to me. After years of the world shitting all over me, I still had a handful of "real ones" who stuck with me through it. However, now that I am approaching CTB, OR, a perm fucked situation the majority have separated all connections.... If you still have people in your life that stick with you no matter how bad the situation gets then you should at least try to hold on to them. Believe it or not, there are still some good people out there in the world. But just also be prepared to face a reality where the majority of those that you consider friends or those you love pull the plug on being connected to you. So many people live on superficial BS these days and once they are faced with something real like this they panic and run as fast as they can. Much love to you and just know that at least here on this site there isn't any superficial BS. We get it.

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

What I have learned is that most people are really superficial. Depending on your family situation, in most cases, parents and family will still have love for you regardless of whatever situation you are in (not mine but most). As far as friends go, depending on age, most will show their true colors once they realize your situation and feelings. This is what happened to me. After years of the world shitting all over me, I still had a handful of "real ones" who stuck with me through it. However, now that I am approaching CTB, OR, a perm fucked situation the majority have separated all connections.... If you still have people in your life that stick with you no matter how bad the situation gets then you should at least try to hold on to them. Believe it or not, there are still some good people out there in the world. But just also be prepared to face a reality where the majority of those that you consider friends or those you love pull the plug on being connected to you. So many people live on superficial BS these days and once they are faced with something real like this they panic and run as fast as they can. Much love to you and just know that at least here on this site there isn't any superficial BS. We get it.

Fucking right -- there are some really good people out there. My dad is now 75 and has been helping to keep me afloat despite my recent troubles. He abused me emotionally for many of my younger years, and in some ways, it feels like he is trying to make amends by 'propping me up' during a really bad time in my life.

I truly hope that you, time2fly47, are able to pull through this and become the person you were always meant to be. I get it. I get what you're saying. Your life isn't over yet -- not by a long shot. Best of luck to you.

 

[BreathOnAMirror]

When I was younger, I used to have quite a few friends. Times were different then, we were all heavy party-ers, drinking, smoking dope, that kind of thing. After high school, friends tend to go their own way. It's just the way it is, although you don't realize it at the time. Some that do stick around start making their own lives, which can lead to them drifting apart from each other. Some friends I broke up with, too, for various reasons. I stopped all of my partying in my mid twenties, and the friends I still had at that point, well, we just drifted apart naturally, since we didn't have that aspect in common any longer. I don't know you at all, but you're on a suicide forum, so I wonder, as the other poster alluded to, if you inadvertently give off that "vibe" to people, that you're depressed somewhat, maybe a downer of sorts. If that is true, I could see how that might get "old" for the friends you have currently. Most people like to be around positive people. I don't know if you actually emit that kind of vibe around people. Just postulating. Maybe you don't at all. I can understand your rationale for wanting to issue preemptive strikes in order to forgo any hurt that their leaving may cause you. But, on the other hand, if you don't find out the real reason that your friends seem to be distancing themselves from you, you're always going to be wondering. Sometimes one's perceptions of things can be misleading or downright wrong. I have no friends or family. My family all went and died and left me alone. I know it wasn't their fault and that they didn't do that to me on purpose. It's just a hand of fate that came my way. My advice is see what you kind find out is going on with your friends and go from there. You may just have to be brave and bring up how you're feeling to them so you can find out the truth. Without truth we really don't have much in this world. Good luck.

I guess I never really realize how little I've been examining myself recently, I've been so focused on my internal self that I haven't really reflected on the external. I was a very cheerful person, or at least I like to think I was, I would always try to compliment and cheer people up as much as possible, laugh at people's jokes, make people feel comfortable. Looking back on the past couple weeks I've definitely lost some of that, I'm not a bitch to anyone or anything, I don't try to make people feel bad, but the rare occasions when I do see people I've definitely been giving off a more depressive atmosphere, smiling less, laughing less, and I haven't really told people why, I guess I assumed it was fine because inside my head I knew why, but I never really gave anyone a reason for the shift. This was a bit of a reality check, thanks.

 

[ShuttingDown]

I got none, but wish I had at least 2, the friends I had replaced me long time

 

[BreathOnAMirror]

What I have learned is that most people are really superficial. Depending on your family situation, in most cases, parents and family will still have love for you regardless of whatever situation you are in (not mine but most). As far as friends go, depending on age, most will show their true colors once they realize your situation and feelings. This is what happened to me. After years of the world shitting all over me, I still had a handful of "real ones" who stuck with me through it. However, now that I am approaching CTB, OR, a perm fucked situation the majority have separated all connections.... If you still have people in your life that stick with you no matter how bad the situation gets then you should at least try to hold on to them. Believe it or not, there are still some good people out there in the world. But just also be prepared to face a reality where the majority of those that you consider friends or those you love pull the plug on being connected to you. So many people live on superficial BS these days and once they are faced with something real like this they panic and run as fast as they can. Much love to you and just know that at least here on this site there isn't any superficial BS. We get it.

Yea, I always like to keep a hope that there are real people who genuinely care out there, I've just had so many experiences with the superficial ones that I lose hope a lot of the time, when I really think about it I can think of at least one person who's always been there for me, I'll try to make sure to hold on to him at least. Thanks, and much love to you too <:

 

[foreverfalling]

When there is no one left then I am free to CTB. Ironically it is because of my views on CTB that make me feel like I need to push any friends I have away, because I know none will connect with me on the topic, like any potential friends could betray me at any time, and to keep friends I'd have to put a facade up, which makes the friendship pointless.

 

[whatevs]

I mostly left my friends when I noticed that my health was deteriorating and that I wasn't that fun to be around anymore. Basically, I did what you have thought of, abandoning them first. But it's a drastic measure that just decreases the pain some, because you end up alone all the same. It should only be done once things are unsustainable.

 

[lionetta12]

To start off with, I know I'm a lot more fortunate than most people here to even have friends, some people here have no one, some people here have less than no one, but to me having people who love and care about me is in some ways worse than having no one at all, if I had no one I couldn't fear abandonment, couldn't fear having a part of me ripped out when they leave. I've worried that everyone would leave for about a year now, one person, someone very close to me, got distant, started getting close with other people, and essentially left, it felt like a part of me left with them, leaving a hole in me that won't go away, I don't know what I would have done then if I didn't have 4 other close friends for support. Now all 4 of those friends feel like they're getting distant, 2 got into relationships, one never responds to my messages despite the fact I see them talking to other people, and the last is just being distant. I really don't know what to do, I want to cut them all off before they can do the same to me, isolate myself from the world and never let anyone in again lest I get attached and they leave. I love people but my love always just leads to pain and a hollow feeling. What do you guys think I should do, I don't think I could handle talking to them about it, I can't let myself seem pushy, and I've tried to isolate myself many times before but I always cave after a couple days, if anyone has any suggestions on how to either bring it up to them or isolate myself I'd really appreciate it.

I don't think every friend will leave or replace you, it's true for most friends but not all. I can never imagine my best friend of 9 years ever replacing or leaving me. We have been through too much togheter and know everything about each other. I can say this for a few other friends as well.

Most friends will leave or be replaced at some point, but those kind of friendships don't matter to me because I'd rather have a few life lasting real ones than many fake friends.