Venting "How do you think that makes me feel."

[兎の耳]

I made the mistake of mentioning my SI to my mom the other day and she got really angry and started crying. She lashed out at me and asked how I thought it made her feel that the kid she wasted all these years on wanted to kill themselves. I tried to explain to her that I was hurting so badly that I wanted to end my life rather than endure any more of it and she told me I was being dramatic and I was selfish if I would put her through something like that. She then told me she should just go grab her gun and shoot herself since her own child would do that to her.

It made me feel so terrible. I felt guilty for feeling suicidal. I don't understand why someone would react like that when someone they claim to love tells them they're hurting so badly.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry for her melodramatic reaction and lack of understanding. Instead of giving support she hurt you.

 

[Seered Doom]

I'm sorry you go through that too. My parents react the exact same way or just groan and roll their eyes. The thing they don't seem to understand is that the person who is suicidal already has taken the other perspectives into mind, usually they're the first ones that are considered. The hop from point A to B is usually a thought of harm reduction to the suicidal person since the person wanting to CTB is in a mindset of wanting to be away from what's making them feel so bad in the first place.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

she wasted

Well, if that she is how she feels about raising you, then how much of a claim to your consideration does she have?

 

[兎の耳]

Someone I confided in told me she was abusive when I told them how she's treated me my entire life. I hadn't ever really considered it since she didn't hit me much. She's always had a knack for making me feel like less than nothing or exacerbating my anxiety to the point I would melt down.

 

[TransientEternal]

People always have to make it about themselves. Preventing suicide is selfish, you want others to live and suffer for your sake.

 

[hi-okbye]

i understand what your going through, i'm so sorry that you have to go through that.
whenever the topic of suicide comes up with my mom she just calls me weak and a coward. she says it's a copout.
i agree with this person ^ though, it's selfish of her to try and prevent suicide. she can't see the struggle your going through so she has no right to choose what you do. it's not fair to make you live for her happiness. and to be honest, she does sound a bit abusive.
many hugs and i wish you luck <33 if you ever need someone to talk to my PM's are open

 

[BlockHammer]

I dont know about the context behind your suicidality, but all i know is that if your mom really care about you, she should've find a way to release you from your depression rather than gaslighting you for being a selfish child

 

[Quiet_Observer]

These kinds of people always make it seem like you are the one being selfish. They don't even bother to think about how the person who is suicidal actually feels or even try to understand why an individual finds suicide to be so attractive. If you actually go through with it I wonder if your mom will even realize she did nothing to help you.

 

[Abyssal]

I hate how lashing out like that is normalized. I'm sorry your mother failed to understand your feelings, from what I've seen you are one of the kindest souls on this site. I do not say this lightly, but I wish I could talk to her and tell her how wrong she is to her face. Amazing how such an amazing, empathetic person came from someone so detached.

 

[兎の耳]

I hate how lashing out like that is normalized. I'm sorry your mother failed to understand your feelings, from what I've seen you are one of the kindest souls on this site. I do not say this lightly, but I wish I could talk to her and tell her how wrong she is to her face. Amazing how such an amazing, empathetic person came from someone so detached.

That's very sweet of you to say, thank you.

My mom is a product of abuse and lashing out is the only way she knows to react to things that upset her. Not making excuses for her, but I can understand why she's like she is. I try hard to not continue the cycle.

 

[Abyssal]

That's very sweet of you to say, thank you.

My mom is a product of abuse and lashing out is the only way she knows to react to things that upset her. Not making excuses for her, but I can understand why she's like she is. I try hard to not continue the cycle.

I've found that's often the case. You should be proud of yourself for not only breaking the cycle but also being able to recognize the meaning behind her actions.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I am so sorry you went through that. It was not right for her to take out her emotions on you. You are the one struggling; she should have been supporting you, rather than shouting at you. My own mother has made me feel guilty about my poor mental health in the past by pulling her own emotions into the mess. You're not alone.

 

[aubrey!]

Parents have to always make it about themselves. I can't and don't want to tell them anything. I hope you can find people close who actually understand you.

 

[Mayonaise]

Having told my mother more than once myself I can understand you.
IMHO, telling her was no mistake. You're suffering and turned to her for help, being brutally honest, just like I did.
I'm really sorry she did not offer the motherly love and understanding you deserved, but you can easily realize that having to deal with your own child's suicidal thoughts is every parent's nightmare come true.
I hope that was a gut reaction and she will offer you comfort once she has "cooled off".

Understandably, her reaction made you feel worse and now you're guilt-ridden. I know very well what means to feel guilt.
But if you look at it from another perspective, you have just been honest. You should feel guilty if you had hurt her on purpose, but that's not the case, you just needed comfort and a big hug, so bad your mother was unable to provide with that.
I know that what I say won't do much, but as long as you do not purposely hurt others you shouldn't feel guilty. Easily said than done, I know...
Hope this message is of some comfort for you. Sending love and hugs your way