How do you know if you’re genuinely hopeful or that’s just SI?

[offbalance]

I'm wondering how much of my positive outlook is due to mere SI. Logically I know there's probably more negative than positive in this life. I've also read my fair share of suicide philosophy such as Benatar etc. and most of the time, in this life, I experience existential dread so I don't know why I romanticize life. I'm just wondering the answer to this question from people who have been around the block with yo yoing suicidal ideation. How much of positivity is just us falsely convincing ourselves because the alternative is suicide?

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Good question. I'd honestly be interested to know the answer to that. I may be wrong, but I always thought that SI was something that was triggered by something that already happened. Something like I won't touch flame because it is hot. I know it's hot because I touched it before and I felt pain.
So if i didnt touch it before, and I didnt get burned, I wouldnt have that inclination not to touch it again in the future.

If this was the case then is it still SI when i haven't experienced death and the only thing I know about it is what I was exposed since I was a kid, that the taking of life is bad, etc etc etc?