HOW DO YOU GUYS DO SMALL THINGS ??

[death's lover]

I have been having ctb thoughts since forever and it keeps coming back, I thought I got better but everything just seems hard and it seems really easy for other people. They don't struggle with getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth taking a bath and getting just basic things done and going on with your day. I can't get my assignments done nor give my tests or anything. Every day is a struggle and people don't take you seriously when you say you need help or wanna die. I tried to ask for help but didn't get it. Took counselling twice but that didn't help either, both the counsellors were not good at their job which made me more pissed off. Haven't washed my hair in weeks, even getting up to take food seems too much work and energy. Getting outside to buy food is too much energy, ironing my clothes is too much energy, keeping whatever friends I have left is too much energy and you know what NONE OF THEM KNOW ME WELL!!
It's like I'm a burden to them like yeah I know must be hard to deal with a depressed suicidal person BUT GUESS WHAT I LIVE INSIDE THIS PERSON I AM THIS PERSON!!!!!!!!!!
I told my best friend abt how I want to die and she was like "is this even new, you keep saying that all the time". I told another person that I felt like dying and that person was like. " youre just using this as an excuse to get bad marks!!'. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!! NOW I HAVE DECIDED that I'm not going to tell anyone and just going to do it. Action speaks louder than words you know.

 

[FuneralCry]

Those people just sound so incredibly insensitive, sadly so many people lack compassion and won't even try to understand which is why I personally wouldn't see it as being the best idea opening up about wanting to die. I bet it would be different if those people ended up in a similar situation.

 

[F&Inside]

Hello death lover.
I'm sorry because you are surrounded by people who are not worth it. Because they are not like you. I understand what kind of people they are, they don't take you seriously, they issue ultimatums, or they can't handle this anymore.
Dealing with a friend with suicidal ideas is never a burden, you have to support, be affectionate, put yourself in their shoes. Be there, don't fail. I hope you find someone similar to you, my best wishes.

 

[hopeisdead]

I have been having ctb thoughts since forever and it keeps coming back, I thought I got better but everything just seems hard and it seems really easy for other people. They don't struggle with getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth taking a bath and getting just basic things done and going on with your day. I can't get my assignments done nor give my tests or anything. Every day is a struggle and people don't take you seriously when you say you need help or wanna die. I tried to ask for help but didn't get it. Took counselling twice but that didn't help either, both the counsellors were not good at their job which made me more pissed off. Haven't washed my hair in weeks, even getting up to take food seems too much work and energy. Getting outside to buy food is too much energy, ironing my clothes is too much energy, keeping whatever friends I have left is too much energy and you know what NONE OF THEM KNOW ME WELL!!
It's like I'm a burden to them like yeah I know must be hard to deal with a depressed suicidal person BUT GUESS WHAT I LIVE INSIDE THIS PERSON I AM THIS PERSON!!!!!!!!!!
I told my best friend abt how I want to die and she was like "is this even new, you keep saying that all the time". I told another person that I felt like dying and that person was like. " youre just using this as an excuse to get bad marks!!'. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!! NOW I HAVE DECIDED that I'm not going to tell anyone and just going to do it. Action speaks louder than words you know.

I have the same problem. I think I showered like a week or so ago. I don't even know now or care. I'm only eating out of necessity. Barely brushing my teeth. This is horrible.

 

[Zegers]

People are not interested in problems they don't deal with.

 

[death's lover]

I have the same problem. I think I showered like a week or so ago. I don't even know now or care. I'm only eating out of necessity. Barely brushing my teeth. This is horrible.

Yes exactly, I don't think i care about anything anymore and people don't understand, they seem shocked when I say I don't care about the things that people normal are supposed to care about like college or the future or like jobs or whatever!

Hello death lover.
I'm sorry because you are surrounded by people who are not worth it. Because they are not like you. I understand what kind of people they are, they don't take you seriously, they issue ultimatums, or they can't handle this anymore.
Dealing with a friend with suicidal ideas is never a burden, you have to support, be affectionate, put yourself in their shoes. Be there, don't fail. I hope you find someone similar to you, my best wishes.

How am I supposed to understand them when it's so difficult, its annoying and it angers me that no matter how much I ask for help, I'm just called an "attention seeker" or I have to hear things like " you're just making excuses"!!!

 

[edu0z]

I have been having ctb thoughts since forever and it keeps coming back, I thought I got better but everything just seems hard and it seems really easy for other people. They don't struggle with getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth taking a bath and getting just basic things done and going on with your day. I can't get my assignments done nor give my tests or anything. Every day is a struggle and people don't take you seriously when you say you need help or wanna die. I tried to ask for help but didn't get it. Took counselling twice but that didn't help either, both the counsellors were not good at their job which made me more pissed off. Haven't washed my hair in weeks, even getting up to take food seems too much work and energy. Getting outside to buy food is too much energy, ironing my clothes is too much energy, keeping whatever friends I have left is too much energy and you know what NONE OF THEM KNOW ME WELL!!
It's like I'm a burden to them like yeah I know must be hard to deal with a depressed suicidal person BUT GUESS WHAT I LIVE INSIDE THIS PERSON I AM THIS PERSON!!!!!!!!!!
I told my best friend abt how I want to die and she was like "is this even new, you keep saying that all the time". I told another person that I felt like dying and that person was like. " youre just using this as an excuse to get bad marks!!'. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!! NOW I HAVE DECIDED that I'm not going to tell anyone and just going to do it. Action speaks louder than words you know.

I believe that suicidal thoughts are like a kind of switch which, once activated, there is no turning back... most people never think seriously about the idea of suicide, they do not contemplate that possibility. They may be sad for a while or threaten to kill themselves but the thought of doing it for real never crosses their minds. However once you really think about it, it's something you have to fight forever, a shadow that will be there all your life. I've wanted to kill myself since before I knew how it was called, and I've had better and worse times, but it always comes back. And you can get better and have a life, but if you don't care, there will be suicidal thoughts. It is like a door that, once it is left open, will be there forever as an exit.

 

[ikadasui]

It is a sad reality. It's hard to fault others though as chances are they themselves are most likely miserable too. I know I wouldn't want to be friends with a sad fuck such as myself and keeping up the facade is growing impossible I know what awaits me when it's gone

 

[ringo99]

I understand how you feel. Confiding in a family member about my suicidal feelings was a huge mistake as it later turned out. Suicide hotlines are staffed by idiots who barely graduated high school reading from scripts. Mental health "professionals" in my country are useless. The first "renowned" one I went to didn't even want to listen to me just gave me a bs test to complete and said I was emotionally unstable when done. NO FUCKING SHIT LADY!!! I'M SUICIDAL!! WHY DO YOU THINK I EVEN CAME TO YOU?? She then spouted more bs about needing to exercise, get some sleep and other meaningless drivel. And this dumbass was supposed to be the best in the city...... That's when I realized that there's really no hope. I despaired about finding a relatively painless ctb method until this site put me on to SN. Right now I'm just an automaton going through the motions. As soon as my mom can be made financially secure I'm done with this fucking world.

 

[catperson]

I have been having ctb thoughts since forever and it keeps coming back, I thought I got better but everything just seems hard and it seems really easy for other people. They don't struggle with getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth taking a bath and getting just basic things done and going on with your day. I can't get my assignments done nor give my tests or anything. Every day is a struggle and people don't take you seriously when you say you need help or wanna die. I tried to ask for help but didn't get it. Took counselling twice but that didn't help either, both the counsellors were not good at their job which made me more pissed off. Haven't washed my hair in weeks, even getting up to take food seems too much work and energy. Getting outside to buy food is too much energy, ironing my clothes is too much energy, keeping whatever friends I have left is too much energy and you know what NONE OF THEM KNOW ME WELL!!
It's like I'm a burden to them like yeah I know must be hard to deal with a depressed suicidal person BUT GUESS WHAT I LIVE INSIDE THIS PERSON I AM THIS PERSON!!!!!!!!!!
I told my best friend abt how I want to die and she was like "is this even new, you keep saying that all the time". I told another person that I felt like dying and that person was like. " youre just using this as an excuse to get bad marks!!'. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!! NOW I HAVE DECIDED that I'm not going to tell anyone and just going to do it. Action speaks louder than words you know.

Ya i think once you want to kill yourself even if u get better for a little it will always come back, n with the major depression/lack of motivation stuff i get it n Lowkey there

I believe that suicidal thoughts are like a kind of switch which, once activated, there is no turning back... most people never think seriously about the idea of suicide, they do not contemplate that possibility. They may be sad for a while or threaten to kill themselves but the thought of doing it for real never crosses their minds. However once you really think about it, it's something you have to fight forever, a shadow that will be there all your life. I've wanted to kill myself since before I knew how it was called, and I've had better and worse times, but it always comes back. And you can get better and have a life, but if you don't care, there will be suicidal thoughts. It is like a door that, once it is left open, will be there forever as an exit.

yup exactly

 

[catperson]

I have been having ctb thoughts since forever and it keeps coming back, I thought I got better but everything just seems hard and it seems really easy for other people. They don't struggle with getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth taking a bath and getting just basic things done and going on with your day. I can't get my assignments done nor give my tests or anything. Every day is a struggle and people don't take you seriously when you say you need help or wanna die. I tried to ask for help but didn't get it. Took counselling twice but that didn't help either, both the counsellors were not good at their job which made me more pissed off. Haven't washed my hair in weeks, even getting up to take food seems too much work and energy. Getting outside to buy food is too much energy, ironing my clothes is too much energy, keeping whatever friends I have left is too much energy and you know what NONE OF THEM KNOW ME WELL!!
It's like I'm a burden to them like yeah I know must be hard to deal with a depressed suicidal person BUT GUESS WHAT I LIVE INSIDE THIS PERSON I AM THIS PERSON!!!!!!!!!!
I told my best friend abt how I want to die and she was like "is this even new, you keep saying that all the time". I told another person that I felt like dying and that person was like. " youre just using this as an excuse to get bad marks!!'. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!! NOW I HAVE DECIDED that I'm not going to tell anyone and just going to do it. Action speaks louder than words you know.

Yup i want friends so bad but I don't blame People for not wanting to be with me
I just dont wanna feel alone anymore I hate having literally no one to talk to. But I literally can't talk to people I can't hold a conversation for shit and im dry asf i have lost hope n im so numb that i cant laugh or smile even if i try, I have basically no social skills and get really bad anxiety from fucking texting i hate myself i just wish i wasent like this

 

[AntHills]

I'm sorry that the people in your life suck. Being functional was hard enough before my general mindset changed from optimistic to actively suicidal. I hope you find somebody that you can have a real conversation with.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sadly, I think a lot of people simply can't or don't want to deal with problems all the time. Even our families. My Dad has even said to me before that people will only be patient so much, then they will get fed up with it. He'd hate to admit it but that does include him.

As to how to make ourselves do things. I suppose for me- it's telling myself what will happen if I don't do them. I have to support myself financially. I'm lucky to do a job I enjoy to a certain extent but even that is becomming more of a struggle. I work from home and get to plan my own time but I know I need to make myself work hard throughout- otherwise, it will all be last minute and very stressful. I need to do a good job too in order to keep the job. If I lose it- I'll end up having to get a wage slave job that I know from 10 years previous experience that I'll hate even more.

I know if I stop washing, the likelihood is I'll get some sort of infection eventually. I know I'm going to have to start eating better and taking more exercise because I'm feeling shit. I think so much of life is just about maintenance- to stop things from getting any worse! You may tell yourself you don't care but I think actually experiencing something like a urinary tract infection may change your mind. I suppose it's about fear at the end of the day. Fear of what could happen to us if we don't do the things we are putting off.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I don't know how to any of those things either. Also you're surrounded by awful people and if possible you should leave. I know people don't like to trauma dump but this is why it's better to talk about suicide here. I can't talk to anyone about suicide because they won't allow it so I get the struggle.

 

[Kore]

everything just seems hard and it seems really easy for other people. They don't struggle with getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth taking a bath and getting just basic things done and going on with your day.

Its not everyone I promise... I relate to you so much @death's lover. I started a thread only like yesterday asking how people are able to 'go back' once they go through things like this. I can't get through 10 minutes without bad thoughts flooding my mind. I can't have a conversation with someone without being suddenly reminded its all pointless. This morning I showered in like semi-warm water and was almost shivering, but just felt numb to it and cbf to turn the water temp up, didn't see the point in feeling the enjoyment of hot water. I'm struggling with doing... everything.

You're not alone, and I guess neither am I, though since that statement doesn't help me whatsoever I guess it won't help you either I guess I can tell you that you are not the ultimate failure, failing where everyone else succeeds - many of us are failing, hard. Keep on pushing, keep on trying, and please, keep on venting here. It's been helping me SO much