Help How do you feel butterflies again?

[emptyenvelopes]

I want to know how I can feel butterflies again. The butterflies you get in your gut when a romantic interest does something sweet. The butterflies you get when your heart happy sighs because someone was especially good to you.

All things that used to make my heart flutter don't seem to work anymore. Intellectually I recognize they are doing something heartfelt, but my heart just feels empty. Like the butterflies are buried in shallow grave inside me instead.

How do I resurrect the butterflies and feel excited about love again?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Is there a recent break up that you've been through? I ask as I felt similarly for a little longer than a year like that after a bad break up, only recently have I been able to feel those butterflies again. Not for anyone who I will have any future with, I saw them on a recent trip out of state for a program, but she was one of my first experiences after that break up with butterflies, and hopefully far from the last.

I felt that same emptiness that you feel now, almost like a numbness in your heart to those emotions, which I personally think of as your body protecting itself from that feeling again. My solution if this case is similar, is to obviously let time do its thing in terms of healing, and then it's just finding the right person to make you feel that way again. I wish I could have more empirical evidence and solutions, but unfortunately all I have is anecdotal

 

[Gangrel]

Honestly i doubt there is a competent answer for this. As @ThatStateOfMind said, time may be an issue. Honestly i think when the right person comes at the right moment you will feel. Stop trying to seek it and let it happen normally. Try to read romance or consume media that has romance on it so you don't feel like it's so cheesy and cringe when it happens.

 

[emptyenvelopes]

@ThatStateOfMind and @Gangrel - I did go through a bad breakup but it's been over 6 months. I'm trying to move on and find love again. But I feel so bad while dating when a guy does something so sweet and I don't feel the butterflies like I should.

I made that post because night a man I've seen a few times got me flowers and my favorite candy because he knew I had a hard week. He kissed me for the first time and we cuddled while watching a movie. It was storybook perfect, but I feel so empty.

Do you think with time that I'll get butterflies with him or with another? He's so gentle and kind, he doesn't give me an adrenaline rush like my last relationship. Which I know is healthy but I think my body is not used to it.

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

I don't think you can somehow "trigger" it and it is better to give yourself some time. You can't force yourself to be romantically involved. In the long term, it would be draining for you to pretend the nonexistent butterflies and hurting for him for being lied to.

 

[quietly_gone]

@ThatStateOfMind and @Gangrel - I did go through a bad breakup but it's been over 6 months. I'm trying to move on and find love again. But I feel so bad while dating when a guy does something so sweet and I don't feel the butterflies like I should.

I made that post because night a man I've seen a few times got me flowers and my favorite candy because he knew I had a hard week. He kissed me for the first time and we cuddled while watching a movie. It was storybook perfect, but I feel so empty.

Do you think with time that I'll get butterflies with him or with another? He's so gentle and kind, he doesn't give me an adrenaline rush like my last relationship. Which I know is healthy but I think my body is not used to it.

when i had my first painful breakup i realized i was really deep into limerence and a lot of limerence is about that adrenaline rush. with other people i wouldn't get that dopamine spike i was previously associating with love because i was limerent over someone else.

i'm not suggesting you're limerent, just maybe not over your past relationship yet, and the only thing that the "reward system" on your brain accepts as a reward is the person you were with previously. what worked from me was going no contact fully, 0 interactions and 0 online stalking.

it was hard at first because when i was trying to meet other people i'd feel this dullness you described and that made the need to go back to my last partner even stronger, even though i knew our relationship would never work. now that i'm able to be more detached, i started feeling a little of these adrenaline rushes again but in a somehow healthier way. i feel it but i don't crave it all the time.

sorry for the rant lol basically it takes time and in some cases also a bit of self discipline and introspection. how does your last partner still affect your life? moving on doesn't happen naturally for everyone. i think that for some of us there's work to be done

 

[derpyderpins]

@ThatStateOfMind and @Gangrel - I did go through a bad breakup but it's been over 6 months. I'm trying to move on and find love again. But I feel so bad while dating when a guy does something so sweet and I don't feel the butterflies like I should.

I made that post because night a man I've seen a few times got me flowers and my favorite candy because he knew I had a hard week. He kissed me for the first time and we cuddled while watching a movie. It was storybook perfect, but I feel so empty.

Do you think with time that I'll get butterflies with him or with another? He's so gentle and kind, he doesn't give me an adrenaline rush like my last relationship. Which I know is healthy but I think my body is not used to it.

You definitely can find them again. It does take time, and you'll get to a point where you're just tired of not letting your heart take another chance. I was with someone for 7 years who I thought was my one and only. It took about a year for me to be ready, and now I'm with someone I feel butterflies for every single day.

Don't give up on love. You have to heal your heart before it's back to full strength. No need to put pressure on it or feel discouraged if things don't quite feel right now.

when i had my first painful breakup i realized i was really deep into limerence and a lot of limerence is about that adrenaline rush. with other people i wouldn't get that dopamine spike i was previously associating with love because i was limerent over someone else.

i'm not suggesting you're limerent, just maybe not over your past relationship yet, and the only thing that the "reward system" on your brain accepts as a reward is the person you were with previously. what worked from me was going no contact fully, 0 interactions and 0 online stalking.

it was hard at first because when i was trying to meet other people i'd feel this dullness you described and that made the need to go back to my last partner even stronger, even though i knew our relationship would never work. now that i'm able to be more detached, i started feeling a little of these adrenaline rushes again but in a somehow healthier way. i feel it but i don't crave it all the time.

sorry for the rant lol basically it takes time and in some cases also a bit of self discipline and introspection. how does your last partner still affect your life? moving on doesn't happen naturally for everyone. i think that for some of us there's work to be done

Limerance is so tough and not talked about enough. I've dealt with it pretty much all the time when I have been single. When I have someone I'm fine though, because I make them my world. Apparently fixating on one person can be a neurodivergent/autistic thing.