How do you feel after reading goodbye letters?

[MoonlitNight]

The possibility of it being someone's last words. Maybe the person's full story, up until their very last breath.
I feel sad and empty. the thought of a person being cornered with so much cruelty by life hurts.
I only wish them a miracle to which they may find life worth living for. other than that I can only hope it is painless.
and yet I can't stop reading them..

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't see anything sad about choosing not to suffer anymore. There are no disadvantages to being dead after all and existence is something that is harmful. In comparison death is the absence of all harm. And anyway we all have to die someday, suicide is just taking control over when we die and preventing our inevitable fate from being delayed.

 

[Veraz]

I agree, I also find reading them to be incredibly sad. The most we can do for them though is to be supportive. We can hope that the day will come when they don't need this place anymore, and can overcome whatever trauma they have and push on with their lives. We can also be sad when it becomes too much and they make the choice to end it all. It's perfectly fine to be hopeful for the former, while still being supportive of the latter.

And it's also perfectly natural to still wish the best for someone either way. At least that's how I see it.

 

[MoonlitNight]

I agree, I also find reading them to be incredibly sad. The most we can do for them though is to be supportive. We can hope that the day will come when they don't need this place anymore, and can overcome whatever trauma they have and push on with their lives. We can also be sad when it becomes too much and they make the choice to end it all. It's perfectly fine to be hopeful for the former, while still being supportive of the latter.

And it's also perfectly natural to still wish the best for someone either way.

I've been confused about these somewhat contradicting thoughts lately, thank you for validating it.

 

[Octavia]

Sometimes I wonder if their fate would have been drastically different had they just been a tiny bit more fortunate in life, or if society was not as horrible as it is. I suppose that dwelling on the things that could have been might be a fruitless endeavour.

 

[djhelljgel]

Yes I wonder too if it's a permanent solution for a problem that can be figured out should things be different, or given time. I definitely find it really hard to read these threads as it stirs up strong emotions. Part of me is really sad that it has come to this, another part of me is hopeful that maybe they've found peace.

Either way we all have to find our own path and hopefully be supportive of each other along the way whichever choices we make even if it is ctb.

 

[MoonlitNight]

Sometimes I wonder if their fate would have been drastically different had they just been a tiny bit more fortunate in life, or if society was not as horrible as it is. I suppose that dwelling on the things that could have been might be a fruitless endeavour.

that's true, I'd say for the majority of them. I feel like it's more than just "I don't want to live anymore" sometimes it's more of "I don't want to suffer anymore."

for some of them, they just want to escape the pain. just wanna get away from feeling inadequate, whatever they're doing it's always back to square one or they just don't see a path of possible betterment anymore.
some people don't have a supportive group.

life comes with pain and happiness, and either may come in an unfair amount. it is harder on the people without supportive groups, their main line of to-be support haunting them instead, mental disabilities, physical disabilities, being financially capped etc.

life comes with pain and happiness, imo. I just really hope they can make it out and find themselves in a better position. People have failed to ctb and have gotten better. it's not impossible. I just wish..

Yes I wonder too if it's a permanent solution for a problem that can be figured out should things be different, or given time. I definitely find it really hard to read these threads as it stirs up strong emotions. Part of me is really sad that it has come to this, another part of me is hopeful that maybe they've found peace.

Either way we all have to find our own path and hopefully be supportive of each other along the way whichever choices we make even if it is ctb.

the thought is really contradicting. I know how it feels.

 

[spooky_kxtty]

I had a friend years ago that wrote hers to me through a text. I panicked, spammed her, but no answer. Two weeks later she texted me back and said she was in the hospital but due to amnesia didn't remember anything and only knew we were friends through our texts. I'll say, during that time I myself wasn't nearly as suicidal as I am now and viewed CTB differently. Now, due to severe attachment issues, I'd probably break down and quickly go numb and depending on who it is I'd probably end up CTB myself if I received a goodbye letter now. I know it's sorta selfish to be unhappy they're no longer suffering and resting, and I think part of me would be happy for that reason, but since I rely on the few friends I do have left to continue to survive after giving up on being happy, I don't think there'd be any reason to continue.

 

[RichardFirst]

I've read many and written a few myself. What is interesting is how varied they can be. Some are full of emotion, but many others are the most practical things that one could read. Some people simply want to lay out their wishes and not get caught up in saying goodbye.

For me, it will be a rather succinct affair if and when the time comes. I will tell my family that I love them, explain my motivations and explain how I want what possessions I have to be disposed.

 

[BloatedGloater]

The good bye threads are heart breaking, hopeful, beautiful and helpful. I hope everyone who makes one either has a calm, su cessful attempt OR a change of heart before it's too late to stay healthy.

I love the people who's last thoughts are of us here, and documenting how they feel during the early dying process. It is very helpful to those choosing to go with the sane method.
As much as I see the help value in those documentations, I also find them to be terribly sad. That a persons last thoughts aren't of home, or family, or the good memories, or of snuggles with a pet, but that their last moments are instead spent on a suicide forum on the internet.
I admire the ones who have passed, it would make life simpler. But I myself don't want to die, at least not yet.
It's strange how one can feel so conflicted regarding so many topics.
I apologize if I turned this about myself, I most definitely didn't mean to, I just suck at being a human.

 

[SamTam33]

The goodbye messages are a hell of lot more hopeful than the threads detailing their trauma.

So I silently salute them and hope they succeed and aren't left worse off with a failed attempt.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

Melancholic I suppose. Happy they're finally at peace, but also sad that they were suffering so much they need to do this in the first place.
It's bittersweet I think.
I always wish them well, and even though I'm not religious, I find it comforting to think they'll see us on the other side, free from their pain. I want that to be true, even though it probably isn't.

 

[MoonlitNight]

I had a friend years ago that wrote hers to me through a text. I panicked, spammed her, but no answer. Two weeks later she texted me back and said she was in the hospital but due to amnesia didn't remember anything and only knew we were friends through our texts. I'll say, during that time I myself wasn't nearly as suicidal as I am now and viewed CTB differently. Now, due to severe attachment issues, I'd probably break down and quickly go numb and depending on who it is I'd probably end up CTB myself if I received a goodbye letter now. I know it's sorta selfish to be unhappy they're no longer suffering and resting, and I think part of me would be happy for that reason, but since I rely on the few friends I do have left to continue to survive after giving up on being happy, I don't think there'd be any reason to continue.

I wouldn't say it's selfish, they must have been important to you. Your reaction also somewhat tells that you were unaware and unprepared for this. Im sorry you had to go through that, may I know how your friend is doing?

I've read many and written a few myself. What is interesting is how varied they can be. Some are full of emotion, but many others are the most practical things that one could read. Some people simply want to lay out their wishes and not get caught up in saying goodbye.

For me, it will be a rather succinct affair if and when the time comes. I will tell my family that I love them, explain my motivations and explain how I want what possessions I have to be disposed.

Directly to the point, pretty thought out well

 

[dumpstermagic]

i feel renewed. accepted. not alone. i cry and cry and think and think and it simultaneously spurs my will to live and die. it helps me know that i can help people by being me and when i take the step there are others like me who might find my story somewhere or know me in real life and understand and agree. and that's fucking beautiful.

 

[LateForTheBus]

They make me sad. I'm happy for everyone that finally finds peace, but I hate that this world has been so shitty as to cause someone to make that final decision. And I know most people here (at least the opinions I've seen) just want to cease to exist, to go to sleep forever. Personally, I hope there's a heaven where we are all free from pain and reconnected with loved ones that have gone before us. My faith that I'll be together with my dog again, who recently passed and was my entire world, is what keeps me moving forward on my plans to ctb. Some might see that as crazy? Oh, well.

i cry and cry and think and think and it simultaneously spurs my will to live and die.

Yes!! This is exactly how I feel. I pared down your comment to just this one sentence, but I connected with everything you said.

 

[MoonlitNight]

Melancholic I suppose. Happy they're finally at peace, but also sad that they were suffering so much they need to do this in the first place.
It's bittersweet I think.
I always wish them well, and even though I'm not religious, I find it comforting to think they'll see us on the other side, free from their pain. I want that to be true, even though it probably isn't.

Bittersweet is a good word to use here, however for someone who's been brought up in a religious household. I can't help but take into consideration the possibility of a heaven and hell. I really do want those things to be true. The thought of meeting them on the other side. But i feel like at the same time it invalidates people who just want to stop existing

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

But i feel like at the same time it invalidates people who just want to stop existing

You're right about that actually, I hadn't considered it that way.
Most of the time I don't say it unless they said something similar in the goodbye; but I very often think it when I read one.

 

[Caoine01]

If you've ever waited at the wrong stop for a long time. Or the bus only comes every hour and then drives past you? Then you know the feeling today