How do you experience SI?

[DesperateOne]

I personally feel this extreme wave of panic and existential dread that I wont exist anymore. The concept of me, my reality, my memories, everything will just stop. It sends me into a panic attack that takes quite a bit of a distraction to remove.

Btw, I'm moreso asking people who aren't just thinking about doing it, but actually attempted or were already 1 step away from doing it, but SI stepped in. The reason for this distinction is that flirting with death or thinking about it is soooo much different than actually acting it out.

I know that I'm fucked. Any person or any doctor that would look at a record of my life would tell me this and ask me how on earth haven't you gone insane yet? So I objectively know what needs to be done, but this SI...

 

[hikikomorizombie]

we conversed abt this before, so i hope u don't mind me answering again.

for me it's like a physical barrier i can't get myself past. my knees/legs feel weak & i feel shaky. slightly nauseous too. def not fun.

i've felt it both times while doing my test runs (standing on the ledge). although i'm choosing to believe it felt a bit lesser the 2nd time, lol. however, both times i od'd, it was pure nothingness. no fear except some nerves when taking the pills. what a dream. being unconscious is def optimal.

 

[bluegodism]

i've already tried 5 times. none were exactly failed because of the SI.

anyway, my SI is low. i feel shaky and my heart races, but i don't feel scared in the emotional sense of it.

 

[DesperateOne]

we conversed abt this before, so i hope u don't mind me answering again.

for me it's like a physical barrier i can't get myself past. my knees/legs feel weak & i feel shaky. slightly nauseous too. def not fun.

i've felt it both times while doing my test runs (standing on the ledge). although i'm choosing to believe it felt a bit lesser the 2nd time, lol. however, both times i od'd, it was pure nothingness. no fear except some nerves when taking the pills. what a dream. being unconscious is def optimal.

No worries. I'm moreso making this thread so I can hear how others feel about it. Btw I'm so happy that your SI is at least like that and that you don't share my mental torment.

i've already tried 5 times. none were exactly failed because of the SI.

anyway, my SI is low. i feel shaky and my heart races, but i don't feel scared in the emotional sense of it.

How did you fail if you don't mind me asking. I'm so jealous of you not having any SI.

 

[SnakesButNoLadder]

What is SI?

 

[DesperateOne]

What is SI?

Survival instinct.