Discussion How do you experience emotional flashbacks and dread?

[Ineedtodie]

As if my mind is in autopilot and all it's experiencing is dread of the future and past events repeating itselfs.

 

[Rainy_days]

Throughout the day I'll suddenly remember moments of great guilt or shame and it's like a tight, sick feeling in my stomach. I often imagine stabbing myself in the stomach in those moments. Future worrying is just run-of-the-mill catastrophizing.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Throughout the day I'll suddenly remember moments of great guilt or shame and it's like a tight, sick feeling in my stomach. I often imagine stabbing myself in the stomach in those moments. Future worrying is just run-of-the-mill catastrophizing.

It happens to me through out the day too. Same feeling and i just get really tense and confused about how i will face my day. Self-compassion practice helps a little. A tiny bit of anxiety is soothed.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

Me too. I often think about running away and starting another life somewhere else as a way to escape the past

 

[Heartaches]

Me too. I often think about running away and starting another life somewhere else as a way to escape the past

Same. I remember that, ever since I was a little kid and things got too stressful, I would think about running away, distance myself forever from my past life, get a new identity and start fresh. Always found fascinating how some people can run away and never be found, perhaps only being rediscovered decades later.

Apart from running away, I tend to "shut down". I have a very hard time thinking or doing something else as I'm totally demotivated. I isolate myself while I read something or listen to music. I get pretty bad anxiety, my stomach won't stop hurting, my body shakes, I struggle to breathe and I'm very irritable. I can't think about the future, only about the past. I feel an existencial dread and that the world is ending.

I end up pretty emotionally exhausted and do things on "autopilot" as well. Takes days for my mood to get somewhat stable, but the feelings still linger.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

Same. I remember that, ever since I was a little kid and things got too stressful, I would think about running away, distance myself forever from my past life, get a new identity and start fresh. Always found fascinating how some people can run away and never be found, perhaps only being rediscovered decades later.

Apart from running away, I tend to "shut down". I have a very hard time thinking or doing something else as I'm totally demotivated. I isolate myself while I read something or listen to music. I get pretty bad anxiety, my stomach won't stop hurting, my body shakes, I struggle to breathe and I'm very irritable. I can't think about the future, only about the past. I feel an existencial dread and that the world is ending.

I end up pretty emotionally exhausted and do things on "autopilot" as well. Takes days for my mood to get somewhat stable, but the feelings still linger.

It is really reassuring to know that we are not alone in our struggles with this. I too feel completely demotivated, and isolate myself as a result – will not leave the house for days at a time. I literally spend my days with my headphones on getting lost in fantasies to distract myself from the train wreck of my life.

I occasionally think about the future, but it is usually thoughts of hopelessness. But, again, distracting myself stops me from thinking about my life going to waste.

Everyone around me seems to be getting on with life, but I am stuck. Wheels spinning in the mud.

I could write about these feelings forever...

 

[my_sundown]

I have these flashbacks constantly. Maybe something dumb I said or something someone did to me. They are very jarring and negative moments. I wish I could reset them :(

 

[lili]

I experience it too. It pauses the stuff I need to do, and it takes me back to my bed because I can't move my body anymore. It consumes my mind and pains my heart too much. It's like my mind can't stop thinking about the past.

 

[Heartaches]

It is really reassuring to know that we are not alone in our struggles with this. I too feel completely demotivated, and isolate myself as a result – will not leave the house for days at a time. I literally spend my days with my headphones on getting lost in fantasies to distract myself from the train wreck of my life.

I occasionally think about the future, but it is usually thoughts of hopelessness. But, again, distracting myself stops me from thinking about my life going to waste.

Everyone around me seems to be getting on with life, but I am stuck. Wheels spinning in the mud.

I could write about these feelings forever...

I get you, I'm in the same situation right now, don't wanna leave home, it's too much trouble. Came here to try and distract myself from the shit that's been going on, my mind can be so cruel.

I think this song might describe what you're feeling right now. Sometimes I stop myself and think about my life, how I feel so far behind compared to my peers. Everyone seems to be achieving something exciting, meanwhile I'm just barely able to hold on, not knowing if tomorrow I'll be standing or stuck in the bed.


Writing them could be very therapeutic, honestly. Not sure if you wanna write them here, in another post, in private message, in a word document or in a personal diary, but I think it could help you lay your feelings. You can show it to others or keep it to yourself, as you see fit

 

[je.suis.prêt]

I get you, I'm in the same situation right now, don't wanna leave home, it's too much trouble. Came here to try and distract myself from the shit that's been going on, my mind can be so cruel.

I think this song might describe what you're feeling right now. Sometimes I stop myself and think about my life, how I feel so far behind compared to my peers. Everyone seems to be achieving something exciting, meanwhile I'm just barely able to hold on, not knowing if tomorrow I'll be standing or stuck in the bed.


Writing them could be very therapeutic, honestly. Not sure if you wanna write them here, in another post, in private message, in a word document or in a personal diary, but I think it could help you lay your feelings. You can show it to others or keep it to yourself, as you see fit

I pressed play on that song not knowing what to expect. The first few chords of the piano came with a huge wave of nostalgia! I was instantly made to think about some of the earlier years of my life and how – according the the lead singer – I have changed.

Yes Mr Chaplin, your song says everybody changes, but I just wish my life would change upward. – je.suis.prêt, 2023

---

I think this song might describe what you're feeling right now. Sometimes I stop myself and think about my life, how I feel so far behind compared to my peers. Everyone seems to be achieving something exciting, meanwhile I'm just barely able to hold on, not knowing if tomorrow I'll be standing or stuck in the bed.

Exactly this. Exactly this. They say comparison is the thief of joy, but I cannot help but feel like some substandard human when I see everyone else – especially people from my past – getting on with life, just getting on with life, while all of my issues cause the shallow bucket I call my emotional capacity to constantly overflow.

---

I used to journal, but I've thought about starting a blog for this kind of thing.

One of the huge benefits of a platform like this is the emotional reassurance of peer support; having interactions like this one where one is made to know (not just feel) that they are not alone in their thoughts. Before finding SS, I did not know where to find such interaction other than YouTube channels where mental health and the young person human condition is discussed, or other websites that gave useful information but nothing of any significant emotional value.

What I would've liked to find was a relatable but raw blog written by a person in a similar position to myself exploring their thoughts and emotions in a way that helped with my own self-reflection. So I thought I could give it a go. I really liked putting my thoughts somewhere, it occasionally felt like putting down heavy shopping bags in the kitchen after a long walk in the rain.

But I dunno, I'll give it a try and see...

Edit: @Funkytown it is these interactions that keep me going sometimes. Thank you :)

 

[my_sundown]

It pauses the stuff I need to do, and it takes me back to my bed because I can't move my body anymore

This. 100% I freeze and have the most negative thoughts. Thoughts that brought me here.

 

[SeeminglyFine]

Happens in every aspect of life but most of the guilt is felt when i make a concious choise about how i behave(or choose if im sober or not when it happens)

I feel dumb, and guilty after for letting myself speak whats on my mind, especially when if didnt use the right words to describe.. or got too carried in a conversation and made myself sound superior or offended someone unintentionally, through a stupid joke/sarcasm or whatever.. mostly when not sober.

But then if i hold back and sit quietly and overthink then people assume whats on my mind and they tell me what i think, what i should think and what i should do, i get triggered and want to isolate, feel trapped by companioship, and only letting a persona out.

Its easy to be in sophisticated and just say what people want to hear, reveal only what is acceptable, sugarcoat what is on the grey area , and hide whatever shouldnt be said, draining as hell though.

Either way feels bad, when im disinhibited i stop caring untill i isolate and overthink, and i think to myself, if the alternative is being a persona then why do i care.

When family used to try to push me towards being normal, strong, sucesfull and independant i kept redirecting and giving some random answers untill i got so sick of it and just said whats the point, why bother why try i dont care anymore, why would i even pass those dumb genes that got passed to me, it ls giving people such a mood that i get disgusted by my own behavior and yet, feels like it doesnt even matter, whatever il do will end up negative.

But ye, i look back on it and i flood my brain with nicotine till i cant feel my face,chest and limbs

 

[Heartaches]

I pressed play on that song not knowing what to expect. The first few chords of the piano came with a huge wave of nostalgia! I was instantly made to think about some of the earlier years of my life and how – according the the lead singer – I have changed.

"Yes Mr Chaplin, your song says everybody changes, but I just wish my life would change upward. – je.suis.prêt, 2023"

Haha, very nice phrase, I think it perfectly encapsulates what many of us feel

---

Exactly this. Exactly this. They say comparison is the thief of joy, but I cannot help but feel like some substandard human when I see everyone else – especially people from my past – getting on with life, just getting on with life, while all of my issues cause the shallow bucket I call my emotional capacity to constantly overflow.

Comparison is the thief of joy? Never heard that one till now, gonna steal it for later! But yeah, I totally agree, comparison slowly breaks you, I've had days or weeks were I don't create any art because I felt like failure compared to others. It's always a weird feeling when you find out what someone you've lost contact with has been up to and they seem to be living the life (and I feel it hurts more if they're younger than you cause society has unrealistic expectations for age groups).

I really like the analogy there at the end, I think you have potential in your writing. I've been feeling like that as of late, sometimes because the memories are simply too overwhelming or my daily lide has become too overwhelming. It kinda feels like there is no end, no peace to be seen.

---

I used to journal, but I've thought about starting a blog for this kind of thing.

One of the huge benefits of a platform like this is the emotional reassurance of peer support; having interactions like this one where one is made to know (not just feel) that they are not alone in their thoughts. Before finding SS, I did not know where to find such interaction other than YouTube channels where mental health and the young person human condition is discussed, or other websites that gave useful information but nothing of any significant emotional value.

What I would've liked to find was a relatable but raw blog written by a person in a similar position to myself exploring their thoughts and emotions in a way that helped with my own self-reflection. So I thought I could give it a go. I really liked putting my thoughts somewhere, it occasionally felt like putting down heavy shopping bags in the kitchen after a long walk in the rain.

But I dunno, I'll give it a try and see...

Funny, I've thought (and by my friends encouragement) about starting a blog too, but I don't know if I'm ready for what others may say. I would like to give it a shot though.

Same experience here. Before finding SS, I would have a hard time talking to people about suicide and depression, so it can feel very alienating, that you're a "weirdo" and there's something "wrong" with you. Most of my previous knowledge also came from Youtube channels, miscellaneous websites and forums, but the discussions were never too in depth and limited what you could say. SS made me feel like I didn't have to feel ashamed for what I felt or thought, the people here have been nothing but kind to me and I like to read on others' experiences and opinions.

Yes! I miss the simplicity and rawness of older blogs and stuff, I feel there needs to be space for more personal and straightforward stories. Sometimes I think we forget we're all human, we weren't born knowing all and we shouldn't be expected to know everything at once, there should be spaces to make mistakes and learn without the fear of punishment; build a community that encourages communication and growth, not walking on each others' tails.

If you decide to go with the idea, I'd love to read what you post (if you're comfortable with sharing)

Edit: @Funkytown it is these interactions that keep me going sometimes. Thank you :)

I'm glad, it's been a pleasure thoroughly reading and replying to your messages, the feeling's mutual :)

 

[Ineedtodie]

Same. I remember that, ever since I was a little kid and things got too stressful, I would think about running away, distance myself forever from my past life, get a new identity and start fresh. Always found fascinating how some people can run away and never be found, perhaps only being rediscovered decades later.

Apart from running away, I tend to "shut down". I have a very hard time thinking or doing something else as I'm totally demotivated. I isolate myself while I read something or listen to music. I get pretty bad anxiety, my stomach won't stop hurting, my body shakes, I struggle to breathe and I'm very irritable. I can't think about the future, only about the past. I feel an existencial dread and that the world is ending.

I end up pretty emotionally exhausted and do things on "autopilot" as well. Takes days for my mood to get somewhat stable, but the feelings still linger.

Tried few meds doesn't stop the confused mind and emotional flashback of past that might repeat it a lf or current situation that hard to face but meds have few good symptômew relieving effect, especially on my body, which helps eventually they keep only serving thoughts. As for past mistake and guilt and shame they can reccure during the day. It's 10:45 and already did few errands which been impossible for me.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Apart from running away, I tend to "shut down". I have a very hard time thinking or doing something else as I'm totally demotivated. I isolate myself while I read something or listen to music. I get pretty bad anxiety, my stomach won't stop hurting, my body shakes, I struggle to breathe and I'm very irritable. I can't think about the future, only about the past. I feel an existencial dread and that the world is ending

I relate a lot. Very much the same. I get really tense eventually. Shut down perfectly discribe it. I end up avoiding and depressed and the anxiety baseline becomes very high. I just dread the past and future. And just i can't make projection in the future. As if I done smth unforgivable and my existence is meant only for suffering. I have the same physical symptômes you mentioned and i get really tense eyes you can see I'm m really uncomfortable and dreading smth.

It is really reassuring to know that we are not alone in our struggles with this. I too feel completely demotivated, and isolate myself as a result – will not leave the house for days at a time. I literally spend my days with my headphones on getting lost in fantasies to distract myself from the train wreck of my life.

I occasionally think about the future, but it is usually thoughts of hopelessness. But, again, distracting myself stops me from thinking about my life going to waste.

Everyone around me seems to be getting on with life, but I am stuck. Wheels spinning in the mud.

I could write about these feelings forever...

Definitely you're not alone. It's as if want to escape every situation. I can't filter my mind and stop my body from this fight or flight response. The feeling of being stuck with this is most despairing feeling. We are not alone in this just because in rl we feel otherwise.

 

[Ineedtodie]

I find having simple activity outside help after taking meds. Grocery shopping then take the train eat smth have coffee alone, take walk. Give you for instance a routine. Of course all of with compassion a and forgivness and trying to keep only thoughts that serve. And honestly i try to keep my routines simple as they are just fillers and coping.

 

[nozomu]

I think I have experienced so much trauma that I've compartmentalized myself. They're all me and aren't multiple personalities or anything like that but rather they're just different "jobs", but there's the me who can face the world and interact with others, there's the me who bears the brunt of reality, there's the me who will take responsibility for that pain and end it eventually. Then also I feel like my persona is seperate from the mind which is also seperate from the body. I fight often with my mind and body because I am very ill.

I'm not really sure where the line begins and ends in these versions of myself. And it might be more nuanced than I even realize. But I know when I sink into the version of me that experiences such immense pain and has to bear it, I am distraught. It weighs so much on me. I feel like I'm drowning when I am reminded of and remember my pain and when it's compounded.

Without this sense of being able to have different versions of myself to rotate through I don't think I could live even my half attempt at life right now. My safety is knowing I can put up the happy front to avoid others abandoning me for my scars, and that there's also versions of myself who can hold onto all the pain for me. And that most caring of all is the version of myself trying desperately to find a way to make life work but will take care of me if I can't.