I feel sad about it to the point where I feel my sadness will carry on after I'm dead even though I won't have a brain. I also feel regret for things that could be and things from the past, but the things I want aren't accessible. Ruminating on the past won't give me the series of second chances I want.
As depressing as I can be, how often people just refer to my thoughts as teenage in relation. I'm a strongly spiritual person, I've come to truly believe there is truth to what you're thinking. As I've thought about this a lot, as to why when I go, I don't want to look back on the sadness or even pain that lead me here. Even if the moments weren't pure, there were still good moments in my life and good experiences I've had.
I can't speak for you, and I've made mistakes also, but none that warrant me feeling the way I do about myself. Or people treating me the way they have. I can say to myself before I go, that I truly tried as hard as I could and respected others the best I could through it all. Despite how much I may have hated life sometimes, I never forced that view onto others or expected them to feel the same.
I find peace in that, and hope through passing that will carry over.
I strongly urge anyone on the verge of suicide, in their last moments to not dwell on the negative. I feel this is how, these people get stuck here, dwelling even after their deaths. I do believe in ghosts, I've seen my grand mother and fathers ghosts when they died shortly after. I feel they had regrets as to why I saw them this way.
There is so much visibly we still do not understand scientifically or may ever be able to. But I saw them as shadows on their walls in their house before it was sold, as clear as day when I was a kid. There's nothing anyone can tell me to say ghosts aren't real or that energy doesn't linger on this way. All energy, it is constant, ever flowing, ever passing. Transferred from one thing to the next. We are capable of understanding at least that much about this universe we live in, or whatever the hell all this is. Cause it honestly never makes sense, no matter how much science tries to explain it or figure it out.
The energy, the emotions we feel, have more of an impact on our death than I think is talked about often.
So many focus on the aspects of heaven or hell, if those exist, but I think we create our own world in our passing. No differently than the dreams our brains conjure that can seem just as real as reality. I feel our brains have a mechanism in this way before we die, as most of our body is capable of reacting to that and knowing very well when it wants to fight to survive, even when we feel we have no will to.
