When I became acutely suicidal just over a month ago, I was so sad that I felt like I was drugged. Like that hazy, drowsy feeling when you take a benzo, except accompanied with a sense of dread. I felt scared. I probably even wished to feel nothing. Well, now that's what I'm feeling and it's awful.
I can't cry. The only thing I enjoy right now is eating, so I'm gaining weight. I don't see the point of taking proper care of myself because I keep thinking I'm going to be dead. I'm craving drugs and alcohol just to feel something. How can I get out of this?
I understand you completely, I also suffer from stages of depression, in which I feel in a dark and lonely abyss and I am not even able to cry, which makes me even sadder because I don't know how to download it. From what you ask, it seems that you have the will to want to get out of it, just like me, the only thing I can tell you is that it is not forever, a person once told me that to feel better, I had to do things for that to happen, even if it's just going for a walk, that although no matter how horrible my life is, enjoy a nice day, enjoy the little things, go out, lose shame and try to meet new people, because more Beyond that life is bullshit, there are people or situations that are worthwhile, that same person also told me once: "There are still things I want to do but I don't know what things are still those" and it marked me because it's true , there are things that I want to do, that right now I can't recognize them because my day-to-day is bullshit, my past is bullshit and I think that my future may be too, but little by little, once every thousand times at least, I feel that everything slowly improves, sometimes it is unbearable, but today It is one of those good days, in which I feel able to tell you that you are not alone, beyond how your life can be, even if it is from another continent (I am from South America) I send you my support and hugs, doubt, no Everything is finished, at least not for today. You can also feel free to talk to me privately, beyond knowing each other, the feeling we have is the same, and although I do not connect very often to the page, if I enter and see a message from you because you need to say a few words or simply Talk about how your day was, I will gladly answer you, you have my best wishes.
