When I used to live alone, I would eat whatever my heart desired not caring about what I was putting into my body. Just whatever made me feel good for that moment. Now that I live with my parents, my mom always asks me "you wouldn't feed junk food to your dog so why are you eating junk?" in an attempt to get me to curb my unhealthy/impulse eating habits. My response has always been "no, because I care about my dog's health more than my own" and I don't think that will ever change. I still crave junk food like crazy (especially now that I'm in between jobs) and try and sneak in sweets/carbs whenever I can. I guess it's like saying eat whatever you want because we could be gone tomorrow.
Also, right now I'm of the mindset that I want to be comfortable enough financially so that I have options when I do want to CTB so that I won't end up with nothing in my bank account if I end up surviving my attempt. But it hasn't been easy because the job market is tough at the moment and I need to upskill first before I can aim for a higher paying job.
Well, the stress sometimes kill me and so I can go days without really eating much. It's also quite economical, since the food has gotten quite expensive nowadays.
Well, one of my major reasons for delaying my CTB attempt is because of my parents. They support my studies rn so I can't just CTB when they think they're doing everything they could to help me out. I mean, they do know about my mental health problems and didn't care, but that doesn't mean I'm that ungrateful.
In any case, I'm trying to do the same as you. Getting a job good enough to successfully finance my CTB attempt. My go-to, which I'm thinking of getting rn, would probably be a artillery weapons, but it's gonna be quite hard getting any since I'm not a US citizen.
I was listening to a podcast the other night on the subject of meaning. The guest said something that stuck with me at the end:
It's quite close to how I'd describe my own view. I don't believe there's a higher power, ultimate purpose, or meaning to any of this. I believe that my life and actions matter insofar as they affect others, but there is no cosmic goal or narrative beyond that, and I find that quite liberating, actually.
I believe that we all suffer, but I'm also aware that I'm in a position where I can try and do something to help others (as individuals) to suffer a little less. I don't think that's going to earn me bonus points in the afterlife or anything like that. I've been on the receiving end of help, and to me it feels right to try and do the same thing for others. Reducing suffering is essentially what it's about for me in the grand scheme of things. I find that to be a worthy and meaningful goal, and that's why I stick around.
Thanks! That actually gave me some insight on how i should follow with many things. I actively choose to help without expecting to be on the receiving end; ofc not naively.
In a way, finding a goal is what makes one stay; not" not having a reason to stay is a good reason to go.".
I find that you like shopenhaur, and I've read a plenty of philosophy books. Do you recommend me any that go along your train of thought?