Discussion How do you cope with leaving people around you?

[Lucifer'sRight]

so for some of us there will. come a day when we'll need to make an excuse like "i'm going to work" or "i'm going on holidays" but we'll know that that'll be pretty much it, we won't come back. how do you cope with the last few months of making fake plans with people that surround you and with the final day?

 

[ComingClose]

I don't make plans for life but I have made all the necessary ones for the day I ctb.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Its a hard one...............I dont really have anyone to leave behind now as alone..............plays on the mind however suicidal one is, what will happen afterwards. Some chose to go quickly and so not much in the way of fake plans need to be made, others plan their CTB a long way in advance, which I should think is quite nerve wracking.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Just because I make plans, that does not mean I have to stick to them. I can make plans and still move forward with CTB.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

how do you cope with the last few months of making fake plans with people that surround you and with the final day?

Yeah it feels really shitty doesn't it to lie to people like that. If it is professional obligations then i try to prepare people with emails and written documents as much as I can to help them get the job done even in my absence.

With friends/relatives.... I just feel shitty and guilty about it, personally. I don't think there's a way around that. I try to apologize a lot in my goodbye letters, for the deception, and explain that it wasn't their fault. I hope any of that helps, but it's really hard to say.

 

[waterbottleman]

It's easy when you've lived a life as a ghost.

 

[mathieu]

It's tough and I don't want to leave them I just... Can't go on. Just can't.

 

[511115]

It's tough and I don't want to leave them I just... Can't go on. Just can't.

I'm in the same boat. My ctb will devastate my parents. But at the same time, I'm tired of living for an empty future. I can't just stay alive for them for the rest of my life.

 

[porfin1234]

Meh. Friends leave me anyway and my fam have their own lives to live. I only worry about my dad. If I could go through with it.

 

[TAW122]

It's difficult and most realistically my situation is as stands: Outside of my immediate family, almost NO one really contacts me (maybe once in a blue moon - like once every few weeks, or even every few months if be) as I'm mostly treated as 'invisible' and non-existent. My immediate family would be devastated, yes; but I cannot continue to live just for them. My parents are the guilt tripping kind, they would oftenly talk about it's selfish and how I have 'responsibilities' so there is no guaranteed way to make sure they never feel pain. The best I can do for my parents (depending on relations at the time of CTB or leading up to it) is to apologize, give an explanation, and say comforting things to ease their loss, that's about all I can do. As for others, since they are already disconnected, maybe a few really cool people or people that I find inspiring or in high regard, I can just highlight the good times, apologize but be firm in my decision, and wish that they are able to move on and find closure.

 

[Moonomyth]

I have plans to maximize emotional harm in order to ensure it seems deserved. An unorthodox approach, and I won't be around to see the results, but it skirts the issue of worrying about the deception.

 

[S1mpleme]

I'm trying to cope with people leaving me.

 

[Cave Johnson]

Honestly aside from my immediate family, there's only 3 people who would actually notice I was gone. All three of them know I'm suicidal and I've discussed it at length with probably the only person in the world I'd be willing to call a friend. I'll tell parents I'm moving out west to get them out of my hair and I'd send an email to the 2 people I can trust to hear the information without immediately trying to have EMS come "save" me. One of them is my younger brother and he can fill in everyone after it's far too late to do anything about it.

Depending on the perspective you view it from, you don't even have to lie to them. You can tell whoever asks that you're "Moving North/South/West/East"(what ever's applicable) and once you're "packed" you head in the exact direction you said you were going to. Just not as far as they assumed.

 

[Bea]

Its a hard one...............I dont really have anyone to leave behind now as alone..............plays on the mind however suicidal one is, what will happen afterwards. Some chose to go quickly and so not much in the way of fake plans need to be made, others plan their CTB a long way in advance, which I should think is quite nerve wracking.

i'm one of those. and it is nerve-wracking. but i know i will take my life eventually, so i have to make my plans. i feel like a fraud when i think about it, but i mostly just work honestly and do my best in the moment. and i don't get involved too intimately with others or lead anyone to believe that i will make a life with them. i may get a dog, though, because i think i can last long enough to raise one. i'd be a good dog mom.

 

[Lucifer'sRight]

thank you all for your reply.

it does help me to get a perspective.

the more i read the more it seems to me that a big part of our lives comes down to either ill dependency on people or making an effort to make distance between us and them.

i'm saying ill because if that'd be normal relationships they'd already know about our plans. we wouldn't be afraid to tell them.

so it's sort of a shitty in between situation..
we're not close enough to be honest but we're close enough to depend on each other emotionally, maybe even REQUIRE the other person to stay.
what's the point in that?
i'm starting to think there really is NOTHING wrong with my decision.
in that respect.
it's a strange unspoken rule that says "just because we know each other or are family we both have to AT ALL COSTS stay on this planet."

i didn't make that deal with anyone.
i'm not breaking any promise.
and to the ones that have no one anyway, maybe it's easier that way. you're life situation doesn't define you. this society isn't very welcoming anyway. so i hope you don't hold that against you.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I love my family and friends but Ive come to a point that I don't care about anything.

 

[Banquo501]

This is probably the only thing keeping me around at present, I've no desire to hurt the people who love me, but at the same time I just don't want to carry on with life anymore.

 

[TheEndof]

I have no friends. I have my mother and grandmother and my significant other. As for people who I'll have to be dishonest with, I am most worried about my mother as she's in an already fragile state. Everyone else will get over it quite quickly. My significant other already knows my time is coming to an end soon and doesn't seem all that phased.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Once my mother dies (she's in her 70's), unless something changes, i will ctb. I couldn't do it now as it would devastate her.

 

[Lucifer'sRight]

yea it's a hard one with mothers. cause there's just little you can do apart from adjusting your attitude. i guess just not pushing against it and slowly accepting it is the only way...

 

[Deleted-User-0]

I struggled with the same thought for a long time but I found a simple strategy to deal with it and it worked well for me to overcome those feelings. We think about people around us because we simply exist in this reality with an operating brain but as soon as we cross the line to non-existence non of these would matter because you simply don't exist.
To put it into prospective were you worried about your parents before you were born? Did you have any concern about them at all before you were born? Simply NO it will be exactly the same