Help how do you cope living with your s*xual a*saulter?

[wastingpotential]

hi. i might delete this at some point because only one person knows about this so far and anybody else who knows me hearing about it makes me have a panic attack just imagining it

3 days ago i had few too many glasses of wine trying to get myself drunk, whole house went to sleep as it was getting late, and after a while of watching a movie on tv, i came to the realisation i was in that moment being sexually assaulted by a step-"relative" of mine. with that i overtime began remembering that this wasn't the first occurrence of it either.

i have not spoken to them since. we live in the same household with other family members but i've been holed up in my bedroom mostly since. they tried saying hello to me the day after and it didn't work out because they very much know i'm aware of what's been happening to me now.

i'm so scared to leave my room. more than ever. i'm scared of eating out of my room. scared of interacting with them or any other family member here.

i wake up everyday now and through my thin fucking walls i can hear them all talking and laughing like nothing has ever happened.
it's even more hilarious when i remember the night it happened i got a text message from them saying they hated themselves so much they wanted to hang themselves over what they did. (my culture is not your costume. eyeroll.)

i can't tell anyone what happened. not yet at least. i don't know. i have no proof either. i hate everything so much and i feel very close to relapsing on everything now over it. sh, ed, etc.

if anyone's ever been through something similar please tell me how to help cope with it. waking up everyday and remembering all of this and still fucking living in this household is gonna be the death of me at this point. i don't feel like i need to plan any methods lol.

 

[JKFleck]

I was raped by my dad and since I have no physical scars/proof noone would believe me too and all I can do is live in fear and not being filthy rich also means I'm forced to live in the same house as him

 

[dinosavr]

God that's terrible, I'm really sorry you have to go through this :(
Do you have any chance at all to move out? If there's even a tiny option, I'd go for it. Financial problems are rather easier to handle (ofc depending on the situation) than having to stay in your bedroom 24/7 because there's a fucking rapist outside. It's fucked up, you definitely shouldn't live with him.

 

[wastingpotential]

God that's terrible, I'm really sorry you have to go through this :(
Do you have any chance at all to move out? If there's even a tiny option, I'd go for it. Financial problems are rather easier to handle (ofc depending on the situation) than having to stay in your bedroom 24/7 because there's a fucking rapist outside. It's fucked up, you definitely shouldn't live with him.

i don't. im financially dependent on family right now and have nothing to my name basically. if i had anything on me i would've made a run for it not long after all this happened i feel.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Can you get a rape kit?

 

[nofunclub]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

For what it's worth, the text message is evidence.

It's totally understandable that you don't feel comfortable sharing this, or don't think people will believe you. However you might be surprised, if you're ever ready to share. Especially since he admitted it in a text, even if not directly, it may lead to a confession if he's confronted with it. That's what happened in my case actually.

I was raped by someone who lived in the dorm room across the hall. Afterwards, I just did everything to avoid him… I memorized his schedule, and would only leave my room or come back to it when we would be least likely to cross paths. It was hell and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this in even closer quarters.

It might be worth looking into local resources to help you get the hell outta there — you can start with a domestic violence shelter, and if they can't offer you a place, they might be able to point you in the direction of somewhere else that could help. Worth a shot.

 

[wastingpotential]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

For what it's worth, the text message is evidence.

It's totally understandable that you don't feel comfortable sharing this, or don't think people will believe you. However you might be surprised, if you're ever ready to share. Especially since he admitted it in a text, even if not directly, it may lead to a confession if he's confronted with it. That's what happened in my case actually.

I was raped by someone who lived in the dorm room across the hall. Afterwards, I just did everything to avoid him… I memorized his schedule, and would only leave my room or come back to it when we would be least likely to cross paths. It was hell and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this in even closer quarters.

It might be worth looking into local resources to help you get the hell outta there — you can start with a domestic violence shelter, and if they can't offer you a place, they might be able to point you in the direction of somewhere else that could help. Worth a shot.

i'm so sorry this happened to you.
i relate to your story so much, doing everything to avoid them specifically. feels like all i've done lately is listen closely through my walls if i can hear any footsteps and such, leaving my room only when i know it's unlikely i'd see them. it's hell.

i live in an area that's basically in the middle of nowhere and i'd need a car to get anywhere, i don't have a license or a car to my name either. so the shelter idea seems unlikely at the moment.

but thank you for the advice, and hearing my story and sharing yours. it means so much.