Help How do you are dealing with rape / physical abuse trauma?

[BasqueClown]

Basque here, 25 lesbian woman
Most are talking about rape and/or physical abuse between heterosexual couples. But it's hard to find specifically material for abuse in lesbian relationships (as was in my case)
Anyway, I want to know how you are dealing with the trauma of being raped and abused for your partner (regarding your sex/gender/civil status etc) because despite I have some tips from my psychiatrist to dealing with this, I'm still ashamed and not coping properly after 1 year of breaking up and 1 year and 3 months after my episode (I called the doomed march, because my ex fiancee raped and hitted me in march 13 and march 15 I had my only attempt)
But seriously it's hard to recover and I think I had some alcoholism because of that
The worst part is I only proved the physical abuse because of pandemics and being a lesbian they don't believe me and the second police report wasn't to protect me for next sex assault only for being physically abused, I move out BEFORE my restriction order arrived (And ironically sent to my ex address)
I don't want to deal with details but I think she forced some material (Broom, stick, whatever) into me when I was unconscious or seriously weak after she hitted me because I had pain to go to bathroom after
Fu$U% I can't go to doctor (As to be examined to confirm the abuse) and treating my pain because it was in a high peak of pandemics and I was felt totally devastated that triggered my decision
Yes I blocked her, fortunately she didn't look for me (At least I knew), but remember all sequence timeline really hurts me
I can work and focus in my job tasks but once I finished my hours I had trouble to dealing with my routine (Cooking, look at movie or series, go outside to walk, write, read, etc)
I had an appoitment to psychiatrist next week and I will ask to adjust my dosage of antidepressants I can't enjoy life like that
And I feel trapped and stuck in my life despite my age, and I didn't make any important decisions because my priority was run away to that mainac woman
Yeah I know that it's NEVER VICTIM FAULT but trauma still there
Yeah it sucks to being treasoned by someone that promise you a good marriage (And pandemics blew that expectative and reveal her real self)
Yeah I wasn't pregnant nor had an abortion neither but STILL RAPE
Also since her I didn't date anyone seriously, I'm only talking with a girl as friends, nothing serious still
If I can recover and go to my life will be a miracle, seriously, I don't want to be always pessimist or YAAAAY TEAM CTB no, but I think I had my mental state compromised after that
I'm so confused and I can't think in my future and I felt like this:

 

[noaccount]

I am so glad you got out and are away from her, holy shit :(
There is a LGBT survivors network here...
Also this is a UK based group but maybe they can help: https://galop.org.uk/about/

 

[Sweet Chainsaw]

Have you experimented with mind clearing techniques?

• EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) also known as Tapping
• Sedona Method

They are super powerful and work like magic on traumas.

 

[angrymob222]

EMDR is a type of therapy that could help. I have talked to a few people that went through the whole therapy and they said it was super helpful for their trauma. the good thing about it is that you don't have to talk about your trauma that much, or at all. you just follow the therapists fingers and move your eyes back and forth. It helps your brain to reprocess the trauma. i hope this helps. I'm also very sorry that you went through that and are continuing to suffer because of it. I really hope you can find some kind of treatment that will work. I've lived with several types of trauma for years and it's so painful to live with it :/ also, MDMA therapy is a type of therapy that may be approved in 2023. If you haven't read articles about it, I think you should because a lot of people said it worked for them. some people didn't even meet the criteria for PTSD anymore a year after they did the therapy which is amazing!

 

[Life_and_Death]

EMDR is a type of therapy that could help. I have talked to a few people that went through the whole therapy and they said it was super helpful for their trauma. the good thing about it is that you don't have to talk about your trauma that much, or at all. you just follow the therapists fingers and move your eyes back and forth. It helps your brain to reprocess the trauma. i hope this helps. I'm also very sorry that you went through that and are continuing to suffer because of it. I really hope you can find some kind of treatment that will work. I've lived with several types of trauma for years and it's so painful to live with it :/ also, MDMA therapy is a type of therapy that may be approved in 2023. If you haven't read articles about it, I think you should because a lot of people said it worked for them. some people didn't even meet the criteria for PTSD anymore a year after they did the therapy which is amazing!

Just as a warning, while they're right, EMDR can be REALLY helpful it also brings the trauma back to the surface and for a lot of people the phrase "it gets worse before it gets better" is totally accurate.
I'm not telling you to scare you away, I highly advise trying it. I just don't want you going in thinking it will be all roses and rainbows only for it not to be. Read about it and ask your therapist about it first is all I'm really saying.

 

[angrymob222]

Just as a warning, while they're right, EMDR can be REALLY helpful it also brings the trauma back to the surface and for a lot of people the phrase "it gets worse before it gets better" is totally accurate.
I'm not telling you to scare you away, I highly advise trying it. I just don't want you going in thinking it will be all roses and rainbows only for it not to be. Read about it and ask your therapist about it first is all I'm really saying.

Thanks for adding that in. I forgot about that part